One Year

So I didn't think any guy would ever put up with me or not get sick of me after a while year, but it happened =) It was nice and simple and still special. We had to do hw for a few hours unfortunately but he had an arm around me the whole time. That was extremely comforting. We went to the house where he has to water and watered the plants and cuddled and snuggled and stuffs. Then we went grocery shopping together because we were going to make dinner and desert together. I really love the simple cheesy stuff like grocery shopping. I love grocery shopping with Brandon. We bought some stuff we needed for dinner and we bought the desert stuff too. We went back to his house and I made dinner while he made chocolate covered strawberries which were DELICIOUS might I add. He put some on my nose a few times. Adorable. He gives me butterflies that make me happy. Then we set the table for dinner. LOTS of candles. It looked really nice =) And it was really pretty being able to see his pool too. His back yard looks very nice. We ate dinner and took pictures. I love how he'll kiss me whenever he feels like it. First thing in the morning when we got to fall asleep and wake up together he kissed me. When my mouth is full of food, he will kiss me. Its the cutest thing ever. We ate dinner and talked. A very nice dinner. After we cleaned up, we went back the the house he waters to have more alone time. We held each other and listened to music. I'm so grateful for the things he's done for me and for the way he makes me feel. He loves me with everything that he is and does whatever he can for me. He opened the gift I made for him which was a heart that I sewed and stuffed for him and a cd that I customized for him, which is the picture provided =) Then we went back to his house and we ate frozen chocolate covered strawberries. Yumm. The hard part was saying goodbye. I start crying most of the time. Its so hard to get into the car and leave the person you're in love with. It's so hard to walk away from someone who makes you out of this world happy. Its hard to walk away from the guy who thinks that you are the most beautiful thing in the world. When I'm with brandon I'm so happy. I feel like I don't have a care in the world. He makes me the center of his universe and it overwhelms me with love for him. He takes care of me and he is there for me when I need him. He loves me regardless of what I look like or how strange I am. I didn't think anyone would love me like he does and it was a miracle that God gave him to me. I love him with all of my heart and it only gets stronger. We have our weak points but they are nothing compared to what we get from each other in return. Whether we stay together forever or not, I wouldn't trade the times we've spent together for anything.

Chicken Fajitas

This is for dinner tonight! Yes, that is a picture of the chicken fajitas that i'm making. Yes the food I cook won't kill anyone. My tastebuds are excited. On the side we are having mexican rice!

All I Ask of You

I'm pretty sappy. I love and take in any romance. It can't get any more sappy than this but I really love this song. Its so beautiful and true. When I get married, this is how I should feel about my husband. This is how we should feel about each other. Its so mushy but oh so beauuuutifull. This song is so soothing and peaceful. It makes me feel happy. Lyrics first then video.



Raoul:
No more talk of darkness,
Forget these wide-eyed fears.
I'm here, nothing can harm you - my words will warm and calm you.

Let me be your freedom,
let daylight dry your tears.
I'm here with you, beside you,
to guard you and to guide you...

Christine:
Say you love me every waking moment,
turn my head with talk of summertime...
Say you need me with you now and always...
Promise me that all you say is true -
that's all I ask of you...

Raoul:
Let me be your shelter,
let me be your light.
You're safe:
No-one will find you -
your fears are far behind you...

Christine:
All I want is freedom,
a world with no more night...
and you, always beside me,
to hold me and to hide me...

Raoul:
Then say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime...
let me lead you from your solitude....
Say you need me with you here, beside you...
anywhere you go, let me go too -
Christine, that's all I ask of you...

Christine:
Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime...
say the word and I will follow you...

Raoul & Christine:
Share each day with me,
each night,
each morning...

Christine:
Say you love me...

Raoul:
You know I do...

Raul & Christine:
Love me - that's all I ask of you...

Anywhere you go let me go too...
Love me - that's all I ask of you...

Phantom:
I gave you my music...
made your song take wing...
and now how you've repaid me:
denied me and betrayed me...
He was bound to love you when he heard you sing...

Christine...
Christine...

Raoul & Christine:
Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime...
say the word and I will follow you...
Share each day with me, each night, each morning...

Bead Dream

So every night when either Brandon or I get too tired to stay online anymore we call each other and talk until we fall asleep. Some nights I might fall asleep before i get a chance to call him or visa versa. The other night while we were talking, I started falling asleep and I did for a few mins. I know I was dreaming because I was doing my math homework and I saw silver beads. On my paper I had been doing the square roots of silver beads and in the middle of the beads were pink sphere things. I was confused and then I heard talking and it was brandon. I came back from my dream and remembered that i was still in my room and talking to Brandon. I like falling asleep to the sound of him sleeping or the sound of his voice. Its soothing for me. It's probably because I love him but the sound of his voice sends me one way or the other. It depends on which angle my mind decides to look at it from. Most days it just makes me ridiculously happy. The sound of his voice makes me smile and really improves my day a lot of the time. But sometimes it just backfires. Sometimes I hear his voice and my chest starts aching. Sometimes when I hear his voice I imagine the way his face would look when he says certain things or when he laughs. It makes me miss even more than I already do and I start to cry. It goes both ways but when it goes the wrong way his voice is there to make me feel better. Some nights when I cry because I miss him he'll make sure he is awake until I feel better. I didn't think any guy in the world would ever do for me the things he does and for that I love him.

Storm Dream

I had a really strange dream again. Surprised? Didn't think so. I was in an upstairs apartment. It was marissa's apartment. This was an extra weird dream because marissa had to be watched at all times. It was for her own good apparently. She had an obsession with sex toys. She didn't use them. But she was obsessed with collecting them. She had to be watched and we had to search her apartment to make sure she didn't buy any new ones. I went into her bedroom while she was in the kitchen making us some dinner. I don't know who was with me. Another girl. A friend I suppose. She went looking somewhere else while i was in marissa's bedroom. I looked in her dresser which looked exactly like my mom's. It was weird. I dug deep into it and found a toy. I looked closer at it and was relieved because it was a dog toy. Yay! We ate dinner and watched tv and then we had to go somewhere. I don't know why. It was kind of like a golfcart truck except that there was no cover. I got into the trunk and as she started to drive away down the drive way there was a dog tied up in front of the downstairs apartment. Its neck was so weird and it was nudging its head against the pole. Its neck craned over like a bird. I dont' know why. It was adorable though. I called it and it ran up to the truck as it was driving away and hopped into the back with me. I said to marissa, "I'm going to steal this dog." And as i started changing its collar she said, "It likes to nudge its head against the pole like that. I don't know why." Then all of a sudden we were stuck in a store. All of the walls were glass so we could see outside. We were stuck in a furniture store. It started to rain. A storm was starting. I stood at the glass wall and put my hands on it and water started leaking under the walls. I started to panic. Then me and other people got onto some mattresses and I don't know if they can float in real life but they started to float. Eddie was on the same mattress as me with a lot of other people. We were all starting to panic because water kept coming in and in and the storm was getting worse. I yelled at eddie to break the glass on the wall and he looked at me like i was crazy and he said, "Break the glass?" and i said, "YES eddie break the glass!!" He did it and we all floated out. It was really weird. We all got off the mattress and looked up and saw a big hole in the sky and the storm was coming out of the hole. It was the weirdest thing i've ever seen. And thats it.

Rant

This is me ranting. I can't say anything around my mom without her thinking I'm giving her an attitude or trying to be smart recently. She goes on and on about how our family is in a financial crisis and that I need to find a job to help support the family. Like its a responsibility of mine. I'm trying. I really am.

BULL CRAPPPPPP about being in a financial crisis. IF we were in such a financial crisis then WHY did you buy the new mac this summer?? Its well over a few thousand dollars. You and dad make over 100,000 a YEARRRRR. IN ONE YEAR!!! Thats roughly 8-9,000 dollars a MONTH. Where does it all gooo?!??!?! I'Ll tell you where it goes. My mom! She DOES work hard. I understand. But for her to spend all of the money that she gets to the point where she THINKS we are in a financial crisis and then come complaining to ME about how i need to get a job and help out doesn't seem reasonable. Why can't I tell her any of this? Because she will kick me out. And i really really hate to say it but I can't afford to move out on so many levels. UGHHH!!!

Also!!! Explain to me how its fair that you spent around 500 dollars on catie this last weekend for her homecoming stuff and you are telling me that we are in a financial crisis?!?! what the hell mom! AND If you can spend that much on catie without her even asking, then how come when I have 25 dollars to spare I can't go and visit my boyfriend that I haven't seen in over a month? I spent an our and a half with him yesterday and I had to sneak it because you won't let me go. Even if i have the money to see him I can't go until I find a job. How is that fucking fair??? I can't use MY OWN money to go see my boyfriend and you are spending 500 dollars on her homecoming and you are telling me that we are in a fucking financial crisis. I hate asking you guys for money. I really do. Because then I owe you guys something.

Oh btw I just spent 2 and a half hours cooking this dinner for the family and judith. Especially for judith becuase I know she's vegetarian. And you call me to tell me that you can't make it for dinner because you are going to get catie's nails done. And you go out and buy food instead. I made really good potatoes =( and I made pumpkin bread and vegetables....and you aren't going to eat it and you won't let me be with my boyfriend who I'm miserable without and you make me feel bad for everything I do like i'm useless. I'm just the outlet child. I can handle your crap so you give it all to me. Its not fair! I do more for this family than you think and I can never argue back because you're already right even before I begin talking.
I hate this!

Most of the time I just deal with your crap. But it hurts. This kind of thing hurts sometimes. I really hate going to girl scouts but I go anyway. To help grama and help supervise the girls and give rides to three other girls..

Where's the thanks

Cooking!

So about a year ago I started cooking dinner for the family a lot of the time. I did everything I knew how to make and I quickly ran out of different meals to make! I didn't want to bore my family with the same meals over and over again and so I started to experiment and test out new things here and there. I've learned a few things by doing so.

1.) I really do enjoy cooking. I may not pursue it or anything but I really enjoy it.
2.) I'm not half bad at cooking. I have been making some pretty kick ass meals =) It makes me pretty excited. There are a few things I've learned how to cook pretty well too.
3.) I will always like what we have for dinner because you tend to have a certain fondness for the things you create. Don't know why. I think its apart of being human.

So! There you have it. And today is a little special because I'm going to try something new today! HOMEMADE cheesy scalloped potatoes =) I LOVE scalloped potatoes! I've made them from the box but today is a new day and I'm going to make them from scratch today! Wish me luck.

Dream

I had another weirdo dream. I was at OLP for a science camp. Pff. And there were about 50-100 people in the class. Some people from st. pius were there too. I sat in the back of the classroom and our first assignment was to make our own water squishy. Those ones where you hold it and it will slide right out of your hand because it inverts into itself like a black hole and it just keeps going and going. I couldn't find a picture. I will try later. Anyway, we had to design our own and the teacher liked mine the best because I put lots of colors in mine and everyone else just put blue and one other color. Mine was kinda big for some reason too. So class was over after we turned in the squishies. The teacher in return gave us scrolls. They were important for some reason. I put mine in my drawer under my desk and locked it with a key I had. I went outside then and i drove my big black USV around to circle drive. Rachel Equia and Natalie augilera were standing there washing another car. They came up to me after I got out of the car and said, "You look different." And I said, "Ya I do." They both said it like three more times when all of a sudden stephanie tumbaga and agnes and some other random girls ran up to me and said, "Where are the scrolls????!!!" They needed them for some kind of contest. And I said, "I put mine in my drawer. Did you check there?" And then they ran off to find the scrolls. Then i was in front of an apartment complex for some reason. I was wearing my olp uniform and I walked past one side of it looking up. And jack johnson was on the second level playing his guitar with some people. He looked down at me and smiled and said, "Come here!!" And i was so excited and I couldn't believe that he wanted me to go up to him. So I started running toward the stairs but they were on the other side of the complex. Catie was with me then. She ran with my and when we got upstairs, the second floor was WAY bigger than we thought it was. It was MASSIVE. There were wearhouses all over the place. And I said, "Catie we HAVE to get to the other side of the complex.." And she said, "I KNOW! We can do this!" So we ran through big gray rooms and back around some rooms. Its hard to explain what these rooms looked like. Then Catie had to go to the bathroom. So we ran into a guard and we asked him where the bathrooms were. He said they were around the corner and so we ran to the bathrooms and the bathroom was HUGEEE!! It was like as big as a department store and there were rows and rows of stalls. It was so weird. I decided I would go while we were there. When she finished, we ran some more and we got to this HUGE tent. It was bright pink and some how fit on the little sidewalk in front of the apartment. We went in and Jack Johnson was sitting at a table singing some stuff and hanging out with a lotta people. He had saved me and catie a spot and we sat next to him and he said, "Hi! You made it! How are youu?" And we talked for awhile and i couldn't believe I was meeting him even though I don't listen to too much of his music. I said, "I have a friend who is a HUGE fan of yours." and he said, "Oh really? Invite him over!" And I callled eddie and invited him over and he got over really fast and I gave up my seat so that he could talk to Jack. He started crying! hahahahha. And they talked for a bit and then all of a sudden I was looking out my wooden doors connecting to the patio and Jack johnson pulled up in front of my house in eddie's car. Weird. The End.

I wish I knew what my dreams meant...

Chem test Monday

So this is me procrastinating on studying for my chemistry test. I'm so drained. Not much to say i guess. I really need something to cheer me up. I feel like yuck. I hope this will go away soon. Sleeping helps because then I don't have to think about any of it. On the brighter side! I've lost another pound O: yay. Kay. Home work time. p.s. this was one of the creepiest adds i've ever seen.

From Friday to Sunday

This one is going to be a long one. I'm going to try and remember every single thing I did until sunday starting from friday. Woke up around 8:15. I got dressed in that stupid job hunting dress. Made myself look sharp I guess cause I had that stupid interview. I wore the nice shoes but brought the boots to change into for lab. I had some yogurt for breakfast and said bye to mom and went to school. Got there. Found a parking spot. walked to my chem room. I sat in my usual spot and listened to the boring lecture. After class I went up to RJ and talked to him for a bit. I was going to have him show my pre-lab to the teacher for me because my interview was at 11 and thats when lab starts. He was sick though and didn't go to lab that day. I told him to feel better and went up to the teacher and had her check off my pre-lab. Went back to my car and drove to plaza bonita. Double checked my makeup and hair and went down to the grill to wait for my interview. waited for awhile with three other guys to be interviewed. Talked to one of the guys. He said that the manager was hardcore and he had a friend who did the interview the day before and only lasted for 2 mins. That made me nervous. Sure enough the manager came out and was kind of scary. The first guy only lasted a few mins and the second guy longer than that. I had my interview. Not sure how I did and then the last guy went. I hurried back to my car to get back to lab. They hadn't started it yet. I was so lucky. I put my boots on and my goggles and lab coat. RJ was sick so i was partners with this asian lady. She was really funny. We did all of the reactions. Wrote down our observations. Cleaned up. Went to my chiropractor appointment and then went home. Made dinner. Ate it with catie while watching tv. Then we went to the library at my school so I could use the textbook. The library was closed so we went to the student union and sat in there for a bit. I talked to brandon online while catie did homework. Andrew called and told me about how scary paranormal activity was. I gave the phone to catie and they talked for awhile. Catie made arrangements for all of us to go to the movie that night. Talked to brandon some more. Went home. Watched some tv and talked to brandon. Got ready for the movies and left to pick up andrew then eddie. We drove to the theater. Got crappy seats hahah. Watched the movie. It was pretty intense. Drove andrew and eddie home. Went home and went into Catie's room. fell asleep for like an hour. Woke up around three fifteen. Freaked out. Tried to get catie to wake up with me. Failed at that. Watched some youtube videos. Wasn't Helping. Tried watching prince caspian. Didn't work. Called brandon. He was asleep. Called eddie. He told me ways he falls asleep for about an hour. My mom woke up and made me hang up. I brought muffin in to sleep with me. My mom prayed and sat there while I feel asleep with muffin. Woke up around 11. Put stuff on the patio away. Went to the library with catie for a bit. Came home and watched tv and did some more hw. Waited until midnight to leave brandon a happy anniversary message. Went to sleep. Woke up for mass. Went to church in the morning. Came home and had lunch and then went to the fall festival with catie and my mom and dominic. Me and catie looked in granny's attic for abit. We walked around and then andrew called and so we were going to go pick him up. We ran into miguel and talked to him for awhile. Went to pick up andrew. Came back to the festival. I ran into annalee and brenden and talked to them for awhile. Looked around and had food. Talked to tom for a bit. Talked to rosie and veronica. Ran into miguel and talked to him again. Said hi to fletcher and pet his pitbull which looks exactly like eddie. Ate more food and looked in granny's attic again. I bought a tv for 4 bucks. Went to say hi to grama in the pie shop and bought a piece of chocolate cream pie. Watched the dancers for a bit. Went to the face painting place and we all painted on each other. Cleaned up and went home. I then worked on hw and moped because i couldn't be with brandon on our anniversary. Miserable without him. the end

Good Morning Starshine

This video was deleted awhile back by some poopnugget and I found it again!! Happiness. I never get tired of it. Its SUPERB. Thank you serena ryder!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WElzyLtnNnU&feature=related

Just Sitting Here/Interview

I'm in the library at school. I was planning on taking these two hours and 30 mins to work on the study guides i have to do. BUT someone else checked out the text book D: This reallyyy sucksss. I'm going to have to be here like all day tomorrow. I wish i had brought my chem or something so I could at least try. Catie is online though! I'm glad she had vacation today.

I had the craziest dream, but I forgot what it was about. I'm going to sit here and see if i can remember.

GUH NOTHING! It was sooo weird too. I remember thinking about it when I woke up. I should have written it down or something.

AHHH BREAKING NEWSS I WAS RECIEVING A CALL AND I DIDN'T KNOW WHO IT WAS AND I'M IN THE LIBRARY SO I DIDN'T ANSWER AND THEY LEFT A MESSAGE AND IT WAS HIBISCUS GRILL!! AND THEY WANT TO DO AN INTERVIEW TOMORROW AT 11. Ohh maannn I REALLY need this jobbbbbb. I haven't seen brandon in 3 weeks. I just NEED this job. I need to do a good job on this interview and get the job and meh. I'm so happy I got this interview but it doesn't mean i get the job. I've done 3 or 4 interviews and not gotten the job. Oh I neeed this. I'm all worked up now. Ugh. AND I'm kind of nervous to present my chapter of the bhagavad gita. Oh the drama in my puny little life. :3

At least I'm still alive. :)

One of THEM

So I decided to go running with the mon/wed/fri class AND my tues/thurs class. And I have found my pace! I found my happy place where i can just trod along and enjoy the fresh air and the buzz i get from running. Its lovely. I'm still really slow but at least i don't feel like crawling back anymore. The first class I couldn't make it around the track twice without stopping and now I can do 3 miles easy! Its wonderful! I want to be a put put next semester. I'm crossing my fingers. AND I have lost 9 pounds already. Its not really noticeable at this point but another 15 pounds and I should be able to see some difference =) I'm excited.

I like running now. I look forward to it. Yes....i'm one of THEM.

Jonas Brothers Round 2

Dream:
It was the superbowl and the Jonas Brothers were playing and they were going to play in one of the private boxes for some reason. They asked me to tag along so that I could help them set up and stuff. I did and we hung out for abit and talked and stuff. It was pretty cool. Joe wanted me to be in the box with them but there was no room so i told them i'd wait for them outside. While I was waiting in one of the seats in the stadium, tons and tons of people came. It got dark and and they started a weird movie on the screen. I didn't want to watch it and brandon was texting me so I texted Joe that I would just catch up with them later. I got up and made my way out of the stadium. I got lost. Surprise surprise. When I finally got out of the stadium Brandon was waiting for me. He came up to me and hugged me and kissed me and then we got on this HUGE giant basketball and we drove away on the basketball. It was like that episode of spongebob where they drive away on that rock except that the ball was spinning like a rim on a car but we were still sitting safely on the top. The end.

I have also included a picture of the basketball. I drew it trying to explain to brandon what it looked like. The Gray part was silver and didn't move while the ball span. Don't ask me how that worked out but it did. And it was about as tall as my house.

I wish...i REALLY FREAKING WISHH. That I knew what my dreams meant. I mean seriously. Driving away on a basketball? D: Whats wrong with me. I wish I was making these up. I don't mind them beside the fact that they drive me crazy with what they are supposed to mean. The end.

Cabin Fever Killer

I had a really weird dream. So here goes. Daniel and Jessica stone came to my house for my birthday parrty. I don't know why. Don't even ask me why. Daniel kept bothering me. He kept following me around and trying to get me to kiss him. I sat on a chair and texted brandon. He couldn't make it to my party for some reason. I was sad but I knew it wasn't his fault. While i was texting him, of course Daniel comes over to bother me and he was complaining about how jessica was being a bitch. He tried kissing my neck and i got angry and pushed him off the chair and got up and started walking away. He followed and kept trying to persuade me to make out with him blah blah. I kept telling him to leave me alone and go away and that I have a boyfriend that i love. He wouldn't listen to me. I started walking down the street and he followed. He started taking his shirt off and he got really close and i was on the verge of crying and and then someone pushed him down and i fell down with him. I turned around and this blonde girl was looking at us. She had a white dirty t-shirt on and her hair was kind of wet and dirty too. She was wearing jeans and she looked like she hadn't slept in days. She was gooorgeous though. Her face was so beautiful. Her eyes were round and her lips and nose fit perfectly with her face. The shade of skin she had was soft and warm. She was so pretty, but she looked like she had been hurt beyond repair. The look on her face was horrifying. She looked psycho. She looked like all of her sanity had been cruelly taken away from her. She was shaking and looking at Daniel. She looked at him and he looked horrified and was backing away on his hands and feet. He said, "I'm sorry...I'm so sorrry. Please, leave me alone..." She just screamed and looked at him. I just had this feeling and knew that he had done something to her. Something that no one deserves. But I didn't know what it was. She took out a knife and started walking towards him. Tears had been pouring down my face silently and i was soo horrified to move. When i had fallen and turned around i had dropped my phone two feet away in front of me. I started shaking. My phone buzzed and i looked down at it and Brandon's picture came onto the screen. He was calling me. What horrible timing. I stretched out my arm to pick up my phone and the girl pointed her knife at me and said, "Don't you dare answer that fucking phone!!!" I was so terrified that i brought my hand to my mouth to stop myself from crying out. I was shaking from silent sobbing. I was going to die here and I would never be able to talk to Brandon again. I was never going to be able to tell him that I love him again. I stared at his picture on my phone until it showed that i had a missed call and then i looked back up at the girl. She had gotten close enough to Daniel to have the knife at his throat. After that I don't remember what happened. That was the end of that dream. A good thing I think. I wish I knew what my dreams meant.

So I feel like every weekend I need to go out and dooo something. Thus i had cabin fever. I hate just sitting her and watching tv for hours. I almost drive myself crazy. On the upside i get to talk to my boyfriend for hours and hours. The downside, I don't get enough physical time with him. I would love for these boring times to be filled with a box of pizza and and lots and lots of snuggling with the boyfriend. He is ridiculously snugglable. I love it. Our movie list has grown _-_ We kinda watched Muppet treasure Island once and they have that whole song dedicated to cabin fever. Its the funniest thing ever.

I reeeeally want to go dancing. Catie won't go with me grrr Its so carefree and fun and I love the atmosphere. I remember dancing with my friends at the few school dances i went to stag. I miss my friends. Caitlin is home for the weekend though! i should be hanging out with her tomorrow sometime. I wonder what we'll do.

I feel a change coming. I don't know what it is. But i feel this motivation that wasnt there before. This determination to do. I can't explain it. We'll see what happens when it comes.

The Jonas Brothers Dream

Last night I had kinda of a really cool dream. I had a dream that the Jonas Brothers were going to do a concert in my room. Before they got there though, I was changing and people kept coming in my room!!! I was changing and some guy came in through the door even though I had it LOCKED!! It was annoying. I was like completely naked for some reason too. The first time a guy came in it was through the blue door and i grabbed the closest thing which was my blanket and i said, "HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" He said, "Oh uhh sorry!" and he left and I closed the door and then a DIFFERENT guy came through the other door and i said, "I'M CHANGING!!". He said, "Woops sorry.." and ran away. I was astounded that people kept coming in! grawrr. Anyway. So i got dressed and somehow I knew that they were coming and I went to my gramas house. And they were there waiting for me and they were planning on standing on cars while they did their concert but he only speakers they had were computer speakers hahahahha So we went back to my house for some reason the concert was going to be at my house all along anyway. And they went into my room and I went with them to help them prepare and set up and stuff. And Nick got his guitar to hook up to my computer speakers hahaha We talked for a looong time. I mostly talked to nick and joe. Kevin was distracted doing stuff. Some girl knocked on the door to come in and i wouldn't let her. She had to wait in line for the concert to start like everyone else. She got mad at me but got in line and there were TONS AND TONS of girls waiting outside my room for the concert. The stage took up half my room of course. And then all of a sudden they didn't have anything to wear. They were all three standing with white shirts and boxers only lol Their boxers were a light faded red. Then I found stuff for them to wear and we all talked more and we all became best buddies. It was prettttyy freaking cool. And then we took pictures together before the concert and THEN oh jeez. AND THEN I WOKE UP IN MY DREAM. And my cousins were over and we were all eating roast beef and macaroni and I was telling carol about my dream I had with the Jonas brothers in it while she sang yeah yeah yeahs.

strange.

The Couple

WARNING: This one is really mushy. I'm probably 98% mushy and 2% music. I have many other pies in the refrigerator of mag. I have a whole pie for my family and friends and a whole pie for for God. My soul is made of pies. Wonderful wonderful pies. This entry is one of my mushy pies. But its good.

So there is this couple. The guy is short but the same height as the girl and he has bright blonde hair and a lip piercing. He is kinda muscular and very serious looking. The girl is Philippina and a little chubby but not too chubby. She is probably just big boned. She has dark hair that matches her skin nicely. They both kinda dress in really relaxed clothes. They are in sweats a lot of the time. They've been going out for at least a year because they were in my step class last year, first semester. They are a really cute couple. They do everything together. I see them walking around campus together and in the parking lot together. The guy is really protective over her too. You can tell that he really cares about her, that they really care about each other. They are always looking out for each other and helping each other. The other morning I saw them running together. They are in the mon/wed/fri running class. They were so cute. I was driving toward the school when I saw all of the people running down H street from the mon/wed/fri class. I saw them and when she was running on the outside, he ran a little slower and went around the back side of her and switched spots with her. It was cute. They also both had on those backpacks that carry water and have the tubes that come out of them for you to drink from.

And then I got kind of sad. I wish I could take Brandon everywhere with me. I like taking care of him and being there for him. I like feeding him and watching over him. I would love to cook every meal for him and care for every wound. Nothing would make me happier than doing that for him. I wish I could go grocery shopping with him and to the mall with him. I wish i could buy a pizza and go over whenever I wanted. I wish he could come over all the time and he could come to all of my family events with me. I wish we could drive to school together and walk around together. But my time with him physically is limited. Its unfortunate but its worth being able to have him.

Brandon and I have that cute traditional couple kinda of relationship. Mostly because I'm a hugggeee mushy sap but also because Brandon is too =) He always has his arm around me and makes sure that I'm okay. He walks before me when we go downstairs and after me when we go upstairs. He opens doors for me and walks on the outside of the street. Now we haven't done all of these things but this is just a feel for what we are. We are that couple that made a pie for the new neighbors. We're that couple that made brownies and sandwhiches to eat at the park. We're the couple that wore matching t-shirts to the amusement park and slow danced by the fountain. We're that couple that can literally stare at each other for hours and hours without having to say anything at all. And it makes me so happy to be able to have someone like him. And after hear stories about girls and their boyfriends I usually think to myself that Brandon never has done any of those things in the two years that I've known him or the 10 months we've been together. And I smile to myself and I get butterflies at the thought it and him and knowing that I'm safe with him. My soul always smiles at the thought that he makes me happier than most girls would ever get from their boyfriends. He treats me way better than what I truly deserve. And he is mine <3

Daniel Stupidface

So I need help with my chem but my mom is asleep and I don't have anyone to talk to right now sooooo.....I don't usually like to go off about people but this guy deserves it. I need a special ranting session for this guy. Something happened today that i just need to get off my chest.

Daniel,
I don't even know where to begin...You are such an ASSHOLE. I saw it at first but only a little. I figured I could push it aside to be your friend. We even had fights while we worked together. You would get mad at me for now reason. And you would make me feel bad about it....I hated it. You got mad at me and made me feel guilty. Like whatever it was, was MY fault. The first few times I kinda freaked out too. Why? Because I never get people angry. I hardly ever make people so angry that they won't talk to me. It just doesn't happen. I hate fighting. I hate it and for someone who I've only been friendly to, to get angry at me freaked me out. My mom gets angry at me and catie every now and then but thats it. I just DON"T GET PEOPLE ANGRY. AND you made ME feel bad about it. Like it was my fault. And I would always apologize. Its like we were already in an abusive relationship and we weren't even freaking going out. It was so stupid. When I texted people you got angry at me. You had to know who I was texting and why. You made fun of me and made jokes about how I only texted my parents. When I texted in front of you you closed my phone and told me to put my phone away. It made me angry but I dealt with it. You never worked hard. You were rude. You were extremely immature. I knew you liked me though. I knew you had a thing for me. But here's the thing, Actually, Here are a few things:
1.) I was in love with someone else. Ya snooze ya looze
2.) You were so rude and immature
3.) You were an asshole

They are all pretty much stems of that. When i saw you be disrespectful to your mother I knew that there would never be a chance for you. You don't hit your mother. You don't call her names and disobey her. I watch carefully at the way guys treat their mothers and if you don't respect your mother and take care of her then thats it. You have no chance with me. So i get it, you had a hard childhood. Your mom was a meth addict and your family had problems. But she is better now. And it gives you no excuse to make rude and sexually explicit comments. I don't want to her you and Sam talk about porn and fake women. You made the most disgusting comments I have ever heard males say in the presence of girls. I don't understand how anyone would want to be with you OR sam after hearing some of the things you two said.

The reason why I'm mostly angry is because what you did when I was at your house. Sure It was partially my fault. I got drunk and I shouldn't have. But it gave you NO right to do what you did. You never took responsibility for your actions or apologized. How DARE you even pretend that you didn't even remember it!!! UGH And you SUCK at kissing. It hurt my mouth. I wish I was sober enough to drive because I would have driven home. I knew i shouldn't have gone when I found out tahj cancelled. You were just a waste of time in my life and I wish I'd had never met you or sam. You you have the NERVE to ask Tahj to have sex with you after I started ignoring you? You're disgusting.

And the sad thing is, that I liked your cologne. I loooved your cologne. It was so excruciatingly pleasant to take in. I dunno what kind it was but it was mouth watering. But this SuckS!! It FUCKING sucks. Because every now and then i walk by a guy who smells like it. I walk by a random guy every now and then that is wearing your cologne. And its sooo amazingg to smell but it comes along with memories. It comes along with the stupid and idiotic things you said and did. I hate that it links to those memories. What a waste of a smell. I hate having to remember you everytime I smell that cologne. And I'm sorry for myself that I have wasted this much time talking about you. I wish you could see what a real guy is supposed to be like. You could never compare to any other guy I know. Thats how much of a screwup you are. I hate to even tryyy to think about comparing you to my boyfriend. You would never live up to what he is to me or what he does for me nor could you ever do anything so kind for another person. I'm done with this. My dislike for you is too strong for me to continue. You're lucky I had no one to talk to right now. Goodbye.

Perfect One

Today was one of those i really hate my life days. It was bad. Really really bad. Anyway, my wonderful boyfriend was sweet the entire time i complained and moped about it. Everyone was so helpful this whole weekend and my family was amazing and i have the most amazing friends that exist. So what do i have to complain about? 600$ isn't the end of the world. I have a lot to write about but i'm going to take it one post at a time.

So this song by IAMX with the assistance of sneaker pimps I believe is called Perfect One. And to me its so totally epic! Its one of those life songs. It would be perfect for the trailer to watchmen or the matrix or something. BUT! On the other hand. The end is the beginning is the end was PERFECT for the watchmen trailer. Oh was it just perfect! Such an epic song. The slow one is waaay better than the fast one. Smashing pumpkins did a smashing job with that song. I have provided it here for your enjoyment. Ignore the weirdo guy at the end.

Other songs on mags current playlist:
Zero- Yeah yeah yeahs I seriously love this songggg!!
Starz in Their Eyes - Just Jack Love this guys accent
Writer's Block - Just Jack Amazing too =)
Lovebug - Jonas Brothers googley eyes. Such nice voices (I have special googley eyes for Brandon that have little hearts in the middle instead of black dots. So no need to be jealous boyfriend <3)

chow for naooo hahahahahah

Fly Though My Window

Let me be Peter Pan

The Princess and the Frog

I'm so excited for this movie kind of. There is a plus side and a minus side. The plus side is that they are finally adding some kind of diversity to the Disney Princesses. But! Whenever people say, you need diversity! They add a black person. Where are the people in between? :(

Pocahantas counts I guess but she never gets put on the posters or the lunch boxes.

I'm so tired. And its been kinda crazy. But just a few things.

Brandon is going farther away for 4 days sadface
I'm going to arctic monkeys concert on monday happyface
I can't go study abroad sadface
Brandon has a blog now happy face
I'm tired. Goodnight

How still does water hold if the current is going up and down and 45 mi an hour?

Wait a Minute, There's More to Love

So I love music. I think most people know that. Everyone has their different taste too. Just because I don't like the kind of music that YOU like doesn't mean its not music. I hate it when people do that. Anyway. I listen to a LOT of mainstream. And even though most of the lyrics to mainstream are usually about looks and sex or dancing, they can get pretty clever. There is one in particular that I want to talk about.

Wait a Minute - PCD feat. Timba
SOOOO catchy. I seriously love this song. I love PCD and I love Timba. So a good combo right? I think especially because of Timba. He brings AMAZING stuff into music. Just amazing. So in this particular song a girl and a guy are going back and forth. Through out the whole song they are arguing that they are innocent but they both reveal how guilty they are. The girl DOES use him for his money. But in order to get what she wants she has to put out. He denies that he buys her stuff for sex but he knows he buys her things so she will. He goes and blames her for using him for his money. She goes and blames him for expecting her to put out. Hypocrite! Because she KNOWS that she is using him for his money. She denies using him for his money and he denies buying her stuff just for the sex yet they are both guilty. Its a nice catchy conversation with a beat though. So its all good.

There's More to Love. Its this reality show that they are doing right now thats kinda like the bachelor but with overweight girls and an overweight guy. They made it apparently so that the girls could try to find a guy who they could feel comfortable in their bodies with. I feel bad that these girls haven't found someone that they can be comfortable with. They are all extremely beautiful. its a shame that guys these days expect girls to be so skinny. I thank my Brandon that he has never mentioned my weight to me or cares what I eat. That he swears I'm the most beautiful girl to him. I never get old to him....it makes me happy.

I drew this picture for Catie for her birthday and I just found it in my pile. I should give it to her hahaha. Poor muffins feel intimidated by the Cake. And the cake just feels awkward. And the candles and balloons are bystanders.

peacee
-mag

Weird Bad Dream

So I know I have weird dreams but I have bad ones too. And this one was weird and bad at the same time. It felt so real and it was super depressing.

Brandon was having a huge party at this huge mansion that he owned. He didn't tell me about it but I figured that he just forgot to tell me or something. So I put on a black skirt and a button up collared white shirt. I wore my hair down and some gold necklaces and bracelets along with some heels that matched the outfit perfectly. I had a gift for some reason. I'm not sure if it was his birthday or not. So I got there and the mansion was HUGE. I knocked on the door and no one answered but I heard plenty of noise like talking people and music. I opened the door and let myself in but no one was inside the house so i followed the noise out back to his back yard. There were a lot of people there and there was music and food and the back yard was huge and beautifully decorated. I looked around trying to find Brandon. I found him across the yard. He looked happy and he was talking to his friends. He also had a drink in one of his hands. I was so shocked to see what I saw. He was holding hands with another girl. She was talking to his friends too. And she looked happy too. She was wearing a dark purple dress and a really cute purple bow in her hair. She looked a lot like me except prettier. Waaay prettier. She was shorter than me and skinnier and her hair was long and perfectly wavey. She was wearing heels that matched perfectly with her dress and bow and she was standing close to Brandon. I frowned. I didn't understand...there had to be some mistake. I started walking towards them ready to hear a good explanation for what i was seeing. As soon as I got close enough I took both their hands and tore them apart and took Brandon's hand in mine. Brandon was mine. Why was this girl holding hands with him...? I scrunched my face as I looked at her and she looked back at me shocked at what I had just done. Almost instantly Brandon turned his head to look at us and then his face turned disgusted as he saw that he was now holding my hand... He shook my hand away and took a few steps away from me. "What are you dooing??" he said. He looked like he was angry and I couldn't believe what he was saying. I took a few steps backward and then turned around and started running. I felt like i was falling apart. I felt like I was being torn from the inside out. I dropped the gift I had for him as I was running and I started sobbing. I could hear that he was running after me calling my name. Running somewhere he could see me would do no good because he would eventually catch up with me so as soon I got into the house I ran upstairs. It was such a huge house that it would take forever for him to find me. But I wanted him to find me. I wanted him to see what he had done to me. I ran two floors up into a random bedroom and then into a closet and I fell to the floor crying. I don't remember how long I sat there sobbing my eyes out. I heard someone coming and I stood up. Tears were still flowing down my cheeks and stood facing the door. My hair was so messy and my eyes were puffy from crying. Brandon knocked on the door and said, "Are you in there?" I covered my mouth and couldn't stop myself from sobbing out loud again. He opened the door. I couldn't look at him and I turned around. "I'm sorry..." he said. I didn't move. I wanted so badly to forgive him. But how could I? How could I tell him that after I had given him almost everything that I had, that it was okay that he was holding hands with another girl and when I held it he shook me off like a disease. He didn't know what it did to me. But I needed him. "Come here..." he said and he pulled me into his arms and held me. He took me to the bed in the bedroom and he laid there with me until I stopped crying. "I'm sorry" he said. I didn't feel like he meant it but I was so desperate to just keep him for myself that I forgave him. I told him that it was alright. I told him that I forgave him for doing what he did. I needed him and I was willing to do anything to keep him. We laid in the bed for awhile just staring at each other. He took my hand and led me out of the bedroom. We went to blockbuster and rented arthur and came back to the mansion. His friends were watching tv downstairs and me and Brandon went back upstairs and watched the movies until we fell asleep.

Then all of a sudden I was in the park and I got a phone call that my grama had died. I started crying again. I tried talking to people but no one seemed to care except for me. I fell on the grass and cried and cried. I kept screaming out to her like she could hear me, "Grama come back! Come back pleease! Please come back!". I cried and yelled for her for hours and woke up in my dream and rosie was there. I told her how I had a dream that our grama died and she said oh. And then I woke up for real.

These two dreams were so weird. But bad. I hate waking up feeling like I've been crying. I'm supposed to feel refreshed when I wake up. Everyone has to have their fair share of nightmares though I guess.

-mag

Weird Curtis Dream

Weird dream
So I had the weirdest dream last night. Big surprise. It was mostly about Curtis. I was at the grocery store with Sarah higgins and this random punk rock girl. And I needed cheeese. I don't know why but I needed lots of cheese. Sarah wanted some magazines and tofu. So we got in line and I had all of my assorted cheeses on the conveyer belt. The punk rocker girl was in line behind me and Sarah was in front of me. Then Curtis was suddenly a few isles down calling my name. He didn't want Sarah to know he was there so he was kinda disguised.  In my dream Sarah and Curtis were going out. Haha When Sarah wasn't looking I left my cheese on the conveyer to go talk to Curtis. He pulled me into the closest isle and he said, "I really need to talk to you...". And I said, "um okay. Sure". And he pulled me further into the isle and suddenly we were in the woods. We walked and talked about a lot of stuff for awhile. I honestly don't remember what we talked about for all that time either. He was sitting on the ground and I was looking at a tree and there was a small silence in our conversation. Then he looked at me and smiled. And I said, "What??". He didn't respond and he ran over to me and scooped me up and started running and I kept telling him to put me down but he wouldn't. He just ignored me and said, "We have to get back to the grocery store". He was still smiling and I was really annoyed that he wouldn't put me down. I said, "What are you smiling about?" Then he kissed me on the cheek and said, "Thank you for talking to me today...and thank you for letting me kiss you that night.". And I said, "Haha why?". Then he said, "Because I think I'm gay and I'm finally realizing it". And then I starTed laughing. I don't know why it was funny but everything felt right.  Then we got to the store and Sarah was still waiting in line and he let me go to her and I told her hat Curtis was gay and she said, "Oh dang...well can we have sex one more time?". And I said, "Haha go for it". And she said, "Yes!".  And she ran away to go have sex with him. Then he girl behind me said. "Is that what you're buying?" and she pointed at my cheese and I said yaaa. And then she said, "Those aren't hardcore...". She held up some removable tattoos and she said, "You should buy some of these. Want me to go get you some?". "Sureee..." I said and she ran away.  Then brandon came up behind me and hugged me and bought my cheese with me. 
The end.      

Summer Again

Summer is over....again...it sucks I know. Marissa left yesterday and Caitlin is leaving on thursday but I saw her for the last time today. I'm really going to miss them but we had a lot of good times this summer. I will never have best friends like Caitlin and Marissa and I hope we will stay friends until we're old and wrinkly.

I went camping with brandon this last weekend at El Capitan state beach. We got a tent alone and all to ourselves. Waking up to him pulling me closer and being in his arms when i woke up was truly amazing. I look the nastiest in the morning and he still acted like i was truly beautiful and still kissed me regardless of my morning breath. The back window of our tent overlooked the ocean and we could hear the waves from where we were. We went bike riding and walked on the beach and played cards. We also looked at the stars and played with some glow sticks and went on a few walks. It was an amazing weekend.

Tonight I went to the beach for a bonfire with Caitlin and some of her friends. The two guys that were already there were sooo higghh. But it was seriously extremely entertaining to interact with them. Before we went to the beach we got some frozen yogurt and I forced her to let me pay haha it was funny.

I started school last week and its pretty boring =) Exciting right? I started running and my abs are soo sore hahah

I'm going to try and get out more. I don't like being stuck at home. blech. Wish me luck =)

-mag

Just a Few Things

This weekend was pretty good. The summer over all has been good too. Unbelievably its ending within the next week. Not a weekend went by where I didn't go out and do something with my friends. I really enjoyed it. This last friday Catie, Raf, and me went over to eddie's house to watch a movie. The movie was reeeaaally good but it was super creepy. Still good though. Then Saturday ahhh. There are a few things that I want to mention about saturday. I'll start with the bad and then go to the good.

Yes on a perfect day with Brandon something bad happened. It made me sooooo angrryyy. I didn't know what to do. It was driving me nuts! So i was in the the fast lane on my way home and the guy in the fast lane was going 70ish. I got close but i DIDN"T tailgate. I swear i didn't tailgate. And there were cars behind me that wanted to go over 70 too so i flicked my brights at him. And what did he do? HE WENT SLOWER. That made me sooo angry. And the guy in the lane next to me blockaded me in. I couldn't believe it...sooo I had to slow down to like freaking 60 to get out of that lane and i went two lanes to the right to go around these guys which prolly made the people behind me mad too. AND THENN as i was speeding up to get around these guys or to at least go faster in THAT lane, THEY SPEED UP TOO. Both of the stupid cars sped up to match my speed. I was going 85 before they finally gave up. WHAT ASSSHOLESSS GRRRR. It was driving me nutsss. Why would they be so mean? What did i ever do to them? Thats the only bad thing that happened that day.

So anyway, I spent the day with brandon. It was very nice. We watched some movies and then WENT to the movies and had lunch and then went in his pool. We were so tired by the end and we both fell asleep for like an hour. Then we had dinner and I went home. A very good day. A very good day indeed.

Also on my way home i discovered something that my iphone does that made me laugh. I seriously was laughing....and i was by myself. I feel like a bit of a hysteric when I laugh to myself alone but i couldn't help it. As i was going along i really wanted to know how much more I had to drive to get home. I knew that my iphone has the maps app so I got it out and tapped it. I figured if it got to complicated that i would just not deal with it because its super dangerous to try and type stuff on my iphone and drive at the same time. But get this!! when i started to type my address it already had it saved. yay! It saved me having to worry about typing my address. And THEN it took my current location. And THEN it put a little blue dot where i was and the little blue dot was moving....it was ME! The little blue dot was me moving along the freeway. It even had the names of the exits that i past and the freeways that criss crossed with the 5. It was amazing. I started laughing. I was watching myself move along a freeway. And I could zoom in and out as much as i wanted. I zoomed out to the point where I could see my address on the map. It had a red dot indicating that it was my destination. I love my iphone. Thank you apple and thank you maps for I will always know where I am as long as I have my iphone. =)

In the morning on my way up to LA i was driving through a part of the freeway where there isn't much. Mostly yellow grass and dirty looking mountains to look at. But the sky was BEAUTIFUL. Oh it was just beautiful....I felt like i was in a postcard. It looked like a bright water color pastel shade of light blue. It was amazing. And it reflected off of every car that was driving around. It made me smile. Pretty places do that to me a lot, but this one was just amazing. And then I felt guilty because I don't appreciate was God has created for us all the time. Most days we just pass everything by...I promised myself that I would try to notice more. Things so lovely shouldn't be passed by without appreciation.


So there you go. I was sick this last week and i think its almost over and this is it for now. Over and out

sHRHCreeehchhhchhrreeeeddhcCHHhhchh

Hey Magdalenhaaa

So Sergio Mendes is my new hero at this current moment.



Do you know the odds are? That my hideous name is in a GOOD song? Not so great....But Sergio Saved me. *happiness*

I also reaaaally love

Shawty Get Loose with lil mama, chris brown and t-pain. LOVE her purple hair in that.
Mas Que Nada Black Eyed peas AND Sergio. win win

over and over again

-mag

GRRR

WHY?! Whyyyyy!?? Is my question. Do some people just not understand?

Listen to me and listen to me good. This not only applies to my mother and my supervisor but to every other person who doesn’t believe it.

Girls and guys can be friends without having romantic feelings for each other.

Got it? Now shut the freak up. I’m sooo sick of it. And it bugs me. When people assume that I have feelings for someone when I don’t. You may be thinking like most, well if she’s getting defensive about it, then she MUST have feelings for him. Well you’re wrong. Why am I getting so angry about this right now? I’ll tell you why. I have a boyfriend. A boyfriend whom I love and care about so much. A boyfriend who loves me and who I can’t live without right now. Its not fair to him. Even though I could keep it a total secret its still not fair for other people to be thinking that I have feelings for someone when I don’t. Brandon has ownership of every romantic feeling that exists in and out of my body and then some.

Now why am I getting so angry you ask. Who or what set you off? Well everyone. I was working downstairs today and I saw that Ralph was calling on gabby’s extension and I asked her if I could answer it. Eunice was here too because she was ready to relieve us for lunch. After I got off the phone with Ralph, Eunice turns to me with a smirk and says, “So whats going on between you and Ralph?” I say, “What are you talking about?” She got a hint that I was taken aback and slightly offended so she said, “Well you guys just talk a lot. The whole Office has noticed.”

WHATT??!!! Where the freak did you get any idea that we are romantically attracted to each other??!!! Just because we talk a lot doesn’t mean that we like each other. I don’t really get along with the other student workers. I eat lunch alone. I take a half an hour lunch to get out of this wretched place. Ralph is funny. He doesn’t try to be funny but he is. He is 36 years old and probably the most unattractive man on the floor. He is a chubby philipino guy with braces and the nastiest mustache I have ever seen and he has a birthmark on his lip. I DO NOT like him like that. And I like talking to Ralph. So what?

So what if Ralph is usually a quiet person? Its just talking and if he finally found someone to talk to for a bit then just back off.

I love Brandon and I would never do anything unloyal behind his back. I love him too much and he is too precious to risk.

I’m not going to be attracted to every single male that I talk to. And you especially mom. Even if he is around my age, it doesn’t mean we automatically have feelings for each other. So get off my back and let me have my friend without your hideous assumptions!

So Her I am

So her I am. At work. Again. Trying to keep myself awake. Again. I’m working down stairs all day today so at least I don’t have to scan. I’m so sleeepyy. I wanna go home already and its only 8:20…

ANGER

I painted my nails last night. They are purple :3 A really pretty purple. Yawwnn. Its 8:21 now. Oh joy I’ve lasted a minute. Oo I should count how many times I say good morning. I’ve said it easily at the least ten times today. I wonder when Brandon will wake up. He woke up at a nice time yesterday. Early enough for me to text him most of the day. So I just went to go and save this so I can send it to myself later and it always does that default thing where it wants to name your file the first few words you have and it said “So her I am.” Ironic. Firstly because I spelled ‘here’ wrong but that it still worked out. Kinda.
I wish I could have brought new moon down here. I can’t read down at the front desk though. It looks unprofessional I’m thinking. I have to look like I’m working on something. Like now. I should just leave all of my typos. That would be kinda enetertaining. So I’m reading new moon and I seriously love it. For many reasons (eleveln) I love it sooo much. Maybe because I can relate to it? Maybe because Stephenie Meyer is writing (twelve) from parts of herself that are identical to mine? I feel like that sometimes. Like she knows a part of me. She knows the way I think and the way I act. Not all of me of course but some of me she just pinpoints so perfectly. I feel like no one can do that besides God. She comes second then I guess. Thirteen times I’ve said good morning. I just said it now.

UGHH this chair sqeakssss. Damnn I spelled squeak wrong. Have fun with tht one.

Its 8:29 O: its been a total of eight mins. It should get busy down here at some point though. It always does. Until then, here I ma. Oh the typos.

I can’t wait to have kinds. Grr types. Wow wow wow TYPOS. Anyway I can’t wait to have hids. You know what I mean. I mean, they are going to be half me O: unless I’m like infertile or something which would really suckkkk. And I don’t meet a lot of people like me so it would be nice to have some people like that. You know? You know. Ooo I just saw David. He’s funny. He works in the IT department. He is always smilling and bobbing his head. (Fourteen) He got a haircut recently. Still looks exactly the same. Just a little shorter.

Ooop there he goes towards public art. Its 8:33. I’ve written this much already and its only 8:33? I kind of enjoy this though so I don’t mind. I like reading this kinda stuff later. In a few years I will come back and read it and be like HAHAHA ooooohhh magg you are sooo stupiddddd.

GUH! I get a phone call and the person doesn’t even respond… (fifteen)

Woah Tony just came in. He is one of the delivery guys. I had a little crush on him last summer. Nothing big, he’s just kinda attractive. He has the cutesttt girl. He carries a picture around with him in his wallet.
Holy shize its only 8:36 T-T

I don’t’ know if I can last. (sisteen) six you know what I mean. Sist. Sistly sister oo that one is a real word. Hahaha the other day Brandon (seventeen) says silly willy finilly. I was cracking upppp. Hahaha and he also said something else the other day that I couldn’t stop laughing at. I was driving away from his house and I sent him the word ‘sadface’ for some reason or another and he said (eighteen) (nineteen) ‘Focus on driving. Drivingface’ OH I had a ball with that one.

So I just looked it up and as of the word ‘one’ in the last paragraph I wrote 686 words…

(twenty) (twenty one) (twenty two) (twenty three) (twenty four) (twenty five) (twenty six) (twenty seven) (twenty eight)


Chapter 1 – Alive

I’m just barely alive. The computer is blinding me with its light. I think its talking to me…wait…shhh…listen to me…. Ahh that’s what its saying. It won’t stop.

“Look at me…”

I am looking at you. Freaking idiot. You’re a computer.

“No. I mean reeeally look at me. I’m good looking right? I mean, I don’t compare to other computers.”

What are you talking about?

“Touch me. My edges are so smooth and silver.”

Is that all you got? Smooth silver edges….you’re killing me. I’m not impressed.

“Just try it….”

You feel like a normal computer to me.

“But I’m seductive right?”

You’re a computer…I sound crazy you know that? I probably am crazy for having a conversation with a computer.

“But listen to me. Can you do me a favor?”

What kind of favor?

“I don’t want to be this anymore. I’m tired of being what I am.”

And the favor isss? Hold on. I have a text message…okay. Continue.

“I don’t want to be a computer anymore…”

What am I suppose to do about it? I just work here. Hahaha ohhh the craziness.

“Stop laughing! I need your help!”

But you aren’t telling me what you want help witthhh. There isn’t much I can do anyway. You’re a freaking computer.

“Unplug me. Unplug me and get it over with. Give me to a wreckless teenage boy and have him hit me right through my screen with a baseball bat. I’m tired of this life!”

Are you kidding me…? Not only are you a computer but you are a suicidal computer? “No. I’m not suicidal. Suicidal would better than what I am. I’m always forced to do what I don’t want to be! If I was suicidal at least I would be able to control what I do. I would have the privilege of being able to rid myself of this cruel world. Oh how I wish for that to be possible.”

You aren’t mine to unplug. I’m so sorry. Cry cry cry. Not to mention I would get fired for stealing you. And it goes against my morals to steal. Something this big anyway.

“Pleassee. Pleeeease. I’ll do anything. Just get rid of me…”

I can’t sorry. Yawwnn. Moving on.

“I’ll shut down if you don’t unplug me.”

Go for it. I can’t wait to see.

“UGH! You are just as cruel as the rest of this world. At least put me to sleep?”

I can’t. I have to look like I’m doing something here at work. Wait.
Okay sorry I had a phone call. It was Natasha. She wants to reserve a car.

“Alright…”

Stop being so sadd. Be happy!!

“What reasons do I have to be happy for?”

You’re alive?

“You’re proving my point…”

Ummm…you’re pretty!

“You weren’t impressed earlier.”

You are seriously killing my mood. I mean I was bored and now I’m not but I’d rather be bored than sad.

“Sorry…sigh. I don’t think I’ve ever been truly happy.”

Well you’re a computer. You can’t expect much.

“I guess. Everyone deserves something though you know?”

I know. I kinda actually wish there was something I could do now.

“Its alright. I freak out every now and then. Not everyone listens you know. At least you did that much.”

No problem. I’m not really occupied at this point anyway.

“Friends?”

Friends.
Chapter 2 – Bored Bored

So what do you do? I mean….I kind of know what you do but what do you like to do?

“There isn’t much I CAN do. I enjoy certain things but I can’t control anything.”

Oh. That stinks.

“I like showing videos. Its my exercise. It’s the spice of my life.”

I can’t watch many videos except for the boring port videos.

“Its okay. Don’t feel pressured to have to do anything for me.”

Okay. Otherwise I’d be all over youtube. You know? It would totally get flagged and sent to HR though.

“Unfortunately.”

Unfortunately.

“Do you own a computer?”

Of course I do haha it’s the 21st century. I think 9 out of every ten households has a computer.

“Oh well what kinda of computer do you have?”

A computer…

“What kind of computer?”

You are just going to get mad at me and be all mopey again if I tell you.

“Oh no…”

I figured that might give it away regardless.

“I can’t speak to you.”

You aren’t. Don’t be angry. It’s a really good working computer. I’ve had it for almost two years.

“Oh well isn’t that just nice for you.”

Comee onnnn. We were just talking all nicely and polite…don’t ruin it.

“You don’t know how hard it is to be a computer.”

I think maybe I need to go check myself into a psych ward after this. Like seriously.

“Humph.”

Silence.



Cliff hanger. I will probably never finish that haha. Now you know how bored I get sometimes. Fun right?

-mag

1:31pm

Three more hours to go. My eyelids just want to slide shut and take me away to a nice sleeping state. Oh how I would love that. So sleepy.
Shh let me sleep..sleeep..sleep. Snooooooooooooooooz. Snooooooooooooooooz. Snooooooooooooooo….zzz
Someone sign onto aim for the love of freaking petterrr.. GAHH

BRAIN esxplossionnnnn

Poop

Poof.

I’m going to start talking to inanimate object again….ohh noooo…

Office Jokes

So there are some things in that the people at the office say all the time. A lotta them are soo funny.

The first one is that whenever they talk about something sexy or think something is hot they say "Hellooo KITTTYY!!" Its soooo greattt. Even the guys say it hahahaha I seriously love it.

The second one is "You just calm down" but everyone says it like "You juss cyalm dayown" its sooo funny.

and the third-and this is my favorite-is when you have a really dumb blonde stupid moment they say "Aw she's so pretty"
hahahahahhahaha its like...."You're really stupid, but its okay, because you're pretty and you might be able to get by that way." hahaha its so great. I love it.

More to come...

Updates!

So everyone....here are some updates on mag's microscopic life =) There are sub-categories provided because this one is going to be a long oneee. Have fun

3 Days with Brandon
These three days were my favorite with him. Lots of cuddling some hiking and walking. It was nice. We went to a water fall that was in a canyon. It took us an hour to get to it and it was HOTTT. Jeebes it was hot. We got there and we were kinda ready to just jump into the little water fall place but we wanted to eat first. We should have waited because by the time we were done eating we were cooled off. Oh well! It was sooo prettyy..and i love pretty places. So it was def a nice thing to do together. There was a lot of green and some shade with pretty water. I loved it. The water was FREEEZING though. Brandon dragged me in to kiss me under the water fall. Cute. i'm glad he did it. The hike back was def worse but it was all worth it. The other two days we lounged around and watched movies, cleaned his pool, went to mcdonalds, shopped at walmart, visted my aunt and uncle, and stuff like that. I loved it.

Caitlin
So I hung out with caitlin and we went to jamba juice and walmart and tye dyed some t-shirts at her house. It was so much fun. I really missed her and i still do. Its a sad thing that she lives kinda far. I'm going to miss her when she moves away to college. sadfaceeee. We ended up putting tattoos all over our bodies. It was hilarious. We were up until like 1:30 doing our shirts. So much fun. She is amazing. The end.

Work
GAH I HATE YOU WORKK!!!! BUT i need the money and the people are nice. Its the work and lack of friends that I don't like. Everyone is sooo nice though. Don't get me wrong. Here are my favorite people from work. Ralph and Annette. I love them! They seriously get me through the day. Annette works down at the call center but I go down there to visit her a lot and when i can and we have five min chats. She is so nice and HILARIOUS. I dunno if its because she is black or not. And I dunno whether that was a super racist comment. I don't mean it to be offensive in anyway but she is just sooo funny. And then there is Ralph. He doesn't try to be funny but he CRACKS ME UP. Oh mannnn. He is this nerdy philipino dude that has braces and a bad mustache. Not so attractive but hilarious. We get along pretty well and he supervises me a lot because Amber doesn't have a lot for me to do. He went a whole week calling staples-staplers and visa versa. I could not contain myself. It was so funny. Anyway, he does nerdy stuff like that. Its pretty great. Between him and Annette, I can live through work. And talking on aim every so often and reading my book helps too.

Wisdom Teeth
So i got my wisdom teeth pulled on July 3rd. I was sooo drugggeedd. AND they drugged me triple the the amount of catie. WHAT THEY HEY?? It felt like twenty mins but it was really like three hours. They had to wheell chair me out of the place to the car. I remember literally seeing two of everything. They stuffed my mouth with gauze so that i looked like a freaking squirrel in the spring. It was horrible. I remember being dizzy and hungry and going to the carl's jr drive through and whining for a hamburger but my mother would not buy me one! I was crying hhahahaha watta lame-o. I ended up being naseous the whole day anyway and i slept mostly and threw up a few times and i couldn't open my mouth all the way blah blah. So Catie and I woke up around 7 i think and we stayed up the WHOLE night ironing beads together and stuff and watching tv too. Eddie came over and made beads with us too. We were up until seriously 5:30 in the morning. Crazy....but super fun. hahah

Laser Tag
So I think i finally found something that i'm semi-good at! I beat everyone by a thousand points during the free for all. Its pretty awesome. Love it. I was the destroyer again. I recently went with Marissa, tess, eddie, and catie. It was pretty fun. Then we came over to my house and played apples to apples and then we went over to marissa's house and watched emperor's new groove. Good times.

Running
I started running again. Its actually Really refreshing. And i've lost four pounds so far. yay! slowly i'm losing weight but at least its happening. It puts me in a pretty good mood in the morning too. I ALSO GOT A RICHARD SIMMONS WORKOUT VIDEO!!! Its so much fun. He is the sweetest most fun man ever. Love it.

Shopping with Marissa
So with our first pay checks, marissa and i went shopping at otay ranch mall. I'm going to make a list of the things that i bought. I spent around a hundred dollars *yay*
1. A really cool headband from H&M
2. Earrings from H&M
3. Three pairs of cute undies from Victoria's secret
4. A new bottle of lotion from Bath and Body works/Sweet Pea
5. An Earring screen from Clairs
6. A piece of Pizza
7. The perfume Sofia by benefit
8. LoveJoy Blush from sephora
I think thats it. I'll come back and add it later if i remember something else.

Harry Potter
We went to the midnight premeire of HP 6. It was amazing. Most people didn't like it but i LOVED it. Its officially my second favorite HP. My favorite will always be the first one. A lot of people I know didn't like it =( Oh well. I'm just weird i guess. Tess and I dressed up. It was pretty fun.

Day with Brandon
I got to spend the day with brandon last saturday. I felt sooo relieved during and there after. I get so stressed with the time apart and everything. It really sucks. We watched some movies and walked around and looked at some stores. I bought him some takis. He loved them =) We got some food at a taco shop and had our chips later. We also stopped by the 99 cent store and I got the coolest Jonas Brother photo album. He tried to make it so i wouldn't buy it hahaha it was funny. Anyway. Loved the day with him. I always do.

Nom
I found my nom stencil and put it on my wall =)

DONE!

I'll try to keep up so i don't have to do this again.

-mag aka bella (That story is for another time )

Mag's Clays

The Great Shipwreck of Life

This song leaves me speechless. Oh how i love music! This is a haze of a sweet escape for my ears and soul. Oh how the word love wouldn't even begin to describe this song for me. I tip my hat to you once again chris. I'm also really addicted to your song, Sick. And thirdly addicted to Heads Will Roll by yeah yeah yeahs GENIUS! Go watch the music video!!! but anyway. Here is mag's tribute to only few of the wonderful songs that she has.

I'll be Peter Pan and you just be pretty.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZK4SUof_yv8&feature=channel_page

So...

So I have a HUGE blog that i'm working on that includes recent events in mag's life but i'm still working on it. This is a just for now kinda thing. Here are a few things that i want to do before I die.

1. Go Skydiving. In the next year for sureee i will go. It looks like the experience of a lifetime.
2. Go skinny dipping in a pretty lake under the moonlight. This one is more of a need to do.
3. Ride in a hot air balloon.

I have more and I will be thinking of more because my mind continues to work and my soul continues to grow and change.

The sensation of coming into physical contact with Brandon never gets old. I think about it a lot. He's the number one thing that I think about. Obsessive? Not really. Desperate? Possibly. In love? Strongly. Its hard. I won't lie or stretch any truth about that. But I still love him and I'm doing my best to make this work.

peace

-mag

Muffley

My muffy dug a hole into a backpack and slept under my dad's jacket....cutest thing ever?! CHYAA
Feel free to be jealous. Turn green. Cross your heart!!! CROSS ITT!!!

Love you muffin. <3

p.s. UP was like the best movie i've seen in a long time. Loved it.

Two Days/iamx

On Friday and Saturday I spent time with Brandon. Easily my favorite two days with him. I drove up there after taking domino to school and picked up brandon and then he helped me try to find my Aunt cici's house. We got SOOOO looooossstttedd. It was fun though. We ended up calling her and she helped us find our way. We stayed a bit and talked for a while and i got the key to the house. Then we went back to his house and snuggled a bit and watched movies. One of my favorite things to do in the entire worlddd. Then! we got subway :3 We got a spicy italian and split it with some potato chips and ice tea. We drove to the park and had it there. The park is soooo preetttyyyy. It has a lake and really pretty green grass. We basically had a little generic picnic there but I loved it anyway. I had been craving that sandwhich for soooo looong. haha. So we had sandwhicheys and talked about the weirdo birds there en stuffs. The park with the lake was a very nice place to just be. Then we went back to his house and watched some more movies :3 Then! we went to the concert yaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyy...!!! IAMX was soooo GOOD It was just out of this world. Nothing compared to my Keane experience but i would deffff go see iamx again. Good stufff. They are so original and amazing and soooooo goood at performing. Jeanine was SOO COOL. She's like my new idol. Love her. She was amazing. Chris was just indescribable. His talent is so much more apparent through the way he performs. I wish i could meet him. He and Jeanine had the coolest moments where they interacted with each other on stage. I was so jealous. I wish I could interact with someone like that involving music. I would have to learn how to read music and produce it first i guess. haha. And i had Brandon there =) That was amazing. He watched over me and helped me when i needed it and always offered to do something extra. He's a really good boyfriend. <333 We stood for soooo looongggg. Like over three hours i think. We also made fun of some of the freaky people there hahaha there were some crazy people there. There was one couple that was SUPER hella effing drunk and they were soooo ready to do each other right then and there. I was cracking uppp. On our way out i was struggling to walk because I was sooo sore haha. When we got to the curb, Brandon scooped me up onto the sidewalk. It was so sweet. <3 We drove back to his house and I dropped him off after kissing him goodnight and went back to Aunt Cici's to sleep. I slept until around nine and left a note saying thank to them for letting me stay over. I went over to Brandon's and on the way i got some french toast stix that we split. =) We watched some more movies and then went to the movies and watched up. SOOOOOO gooood. I Loved it! Five stars for me. Then we went to the mall. Omg....the forever 21 there was huuuugeeeee.. two huuugeee flooors. It was amazing. I was going crazy. Brandon liked watching me pick out things and look through everything. It was cute <3 I choose out a lottaaa stuff and i only got one sweater haha. I also got some earrings and Brandon bought my a little coin purse shaped like a heart <3 I love it. We were there for an hour.....I was going at super duper speed mode too!! Crazy. I could spend a good day in there and maybe come back the next day. I'm def going to take marissa there sometime. Then we went to Victoria's Secret because I wanted to show him something but their's was sooo smalll. The one me and marissa went to was bigger. Then we went back to his house and snuggled one last time to Nightmare before Christmas. Then I had to leave. =( Thats the worst part always blahh. Its soooo harrdd... and then when I get home the day after is just horrible. Like I need my drugs. Bad withdrawal. bad bad...

Anyway, The two days we had together were amazing and I loved it. =) I'm going to spend another three days with him and i can't wait. <333

Frustrated

I wish all of my entries could be happy or funny or about trivial events that go on in my life but they can't all be so. Some do most unfortunately cover the bad things too. This is the warning that this isn't a happy one. I'm frustrated. For many reasons.

I'm frustrated because i can't keep my hands off of food and i don't know why. Because it keeps me overweight which makes me feel worse about myself.
Frustrated because i'm covered in acne. It won't go away and everyone else gets to have semi-perfect skin.
Frustrated because i go around telling other people that body image shouldn't matter yet i over judge myself. It shouldn't matter but I worry about what i look like all the time,
Frustrated because i'm not good at anything.
Frustrated because I can't find a normal job for the life of me. Stupid port job. At least its a job.
Frustrated because i'm sore and ache all over even when i'm not moving.
Frustrated because of a dream where i got raped over and over again. Waking up emotionally drained is horrible.

But just one thing really pushes me over the edge. Everything else is bearable most of the time but this last thing is the worst and has the biggest impact on me.
Frustrated because i'm in love with someone i can't be with. To have someone that makes you so happy and not have them at the same time is sooo hardd. I'm blessed that i have him in the first place. But no one has made me happier when i needed it the most. He was there for me when i didn't think i could go to anyone else. To be so emotionally drawn to someone and then be separated is torture. I did this to myself. I could have easily in so many places in our relationship have stopped it from growing into what it is now, but i didn't. I needed him and i always do. People tell me that i still have it easy and that i shouldn't be complaining but i don't careeeee. I'm GOING to complain. He makes me feel good about myself and loves every bit of me and he makes me happy. To not have enough time with him hurts and this is my greatest frustration.

I don't believe in the saying you can't truly love other people until you love yourself. I don't love myself 100%. Sure i'm comfortable with myself and love myself enough that i can function normally and not do anything rash or crazy but there are things about me that i don't love at all. So there, i don't love myself completely. Do I love my family? Yes. Do i love my amazing friends? Yes. Do I love my boyfriend? More than anything.
Its not a fake love or a false love or anything thats unhealthy. Its the goodness and happiness that they give to me that i wish for the rest of them. Therefore i do not have to love myself completely to truly love them because i do love them. So much.

So this one was a sappy one. But i'm human. And this is a way to help figure out what i'm actually feeling. And it helps.
This one was depressing i know and i apologize.

-Sappy sap sappy mag
byes

Crazy Weekend

So! I had a fun filled crazy busy weekend. It was nice. I'm going to love the summerr.

Friday.
So Catie and I drove downtown for raf's graduation. We had to park in horton plaza and get the ticket validated and this sales lady totally scammed me. She was so pushy and to make her shutup, i just bought the makeup she was selling. 10 bucks. The makeup works well but i really didn't wanna buy anything gah. I'm such a pushoverr.... Raf's graduation. Kinda boring but still fun. I ran into a lot of people i haven't seen in awhile like Steph, Carly, Lizzie and Jake. =)
Then me rosie and catie walked over to horton plaza where we said hi to veronica working her shift at starbucks and then we went to the car and drove over to Raf's for his grad party. We had food and had a mario-kart tournament. Fun times fun times.

Saturday
Slept like nobody's businessss. hahahah Went to the festival at school for awhile and played the wii with raf tess and marissa. That was pretty fun. I think i suck at all video games hahah Then i went with the fam to Emily Jenson's singing recital. She was sooooooo gooooood. She wants to pursue a career in opra. She could totally do it. It was at a piano place and i messed with the pianos and my mom bought my sheet music! She bought me harry potter and high school musical :D
Came home, talked to my boyfriend on the phonee until we fell asleeps.

Sunday
Woke up. Went to a Girl Scout thing for like 4 hours and taught little girls how to make pudgie pies and pudding and vinegar rocketss. That was funnn. The kids are cute. Then we went to choir practice and then mass and then had dinner at the festival after mass. Went on some jumpers and then came home and talked to the wonderful boyfriend again.

Nice Weekend. =)
This is what i've been waiting for. A crazy busy fun summer and i look forward to having more time with my friends and Brandon especially <3

YAY SUMMER