Muffley

My muffy dug a hole into a backpack and slept under my dad's jacket....cutest thing ever?! CHYAA
Feel free to be jealous. Turn green. Cross your heart!!! CROSS ITT!!!

Love you muffin. <3

p.s. UP was like the best movie i've seen in a long time. Loved it.

Two Days/iamx

On Friday and Saturday I spent time with Brandon. Easily my favorite two days with him. I drove up there after taking domino to school and picked up brandon and then he helped me try to find my Aunt cici's house. We got SOOOO looooossstttedd. It was fun though. We ended up calling her and she helped us find our way. We stayed a bit and talked for a while and i got the key to the house. Then we went back to his house and snuggled a bit and watched movies. One of my favorite things to do in the entire worlddd. Then! we got subway :3 We got a spicy italian and split it with some potato chips and ice tea. We drove to the park and had it there. The park is soooo preetttyyyy. It has a lake and really pretty green grass. We basically had a little generic picnic there but I loved it anyway. I had been craving that sandwhich for soooo looong. haha. So we had sandwhicheys and talked about the weirdo birds there en stuffs. The park with the lake was a very nice place to just be. Then we went back to his house and watched some more movies :3 Then! we went to the concert yaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyy...!!! IAMX was soooo GOOD It was just out of this world. Nothing compared to my Keane experience but i would deffff go see iamx again. Good stufff. They are so original and amazing and soooooo goood at performing. Jeanine was SOO COOL. She's like my new idol. Love her. She was amazing. Chris was just indescribable. His talent is so much more apparent through the way he performs. I wish i could meet him. He and Jeanine had the coolest moments where they interacted with each other on stage. I was so jealous. I wish I could interact with someone like that involving music. I would have to learn how to read music and produce it first i guess. haha. And i had Brandon there =) That was amazing. He watched over me and helped me when i needed it and always offered to do something extra. He's a really good boyfriend. <333 We stood for soooo looongggg. Like over three hours i think. We also made fun of some of the freaky people there hahaha there were some crazy people there. There was one couple that was SUPER hella effing drunk and they were soooo ready to do each other right then and there. I was cracking uppp. On our way out i was struggling to walk because I was sooo sore haha. When we got to the curb, Brandon scooped me up onto the sidewalk. It was so sweet. <3 We drove back to his house and I dropped him off after kissing him goodnight and went back to Aunt Cici's to sleep. I slept until around nine and left a note saying thank to them for letting me stay over. I went over to Brandon's and on the way i got some french toast stix that we split. =) We watched some more movies and then went to the movies and watched up. SOOOOOO gooood. I Loved it! Five stars for me. Then we went to the mall. Omg....the forever 21 there was huuuugeeeee.. two huuugeee flooors. It was amazing. I was going crazy. Brandon liked watching me pick out things and look through everything. It was cute <3 I choose out a lottaaa stuff and i only got one sweater haha. I also got some earrings and Brandon bought my a little coin purse shaped like a heart <3 I love it. We were there for an hour.....I was going at super duper speed mode too!! Crazy. I could spend a good day in there and maybe come back the next day. I'm def going to take marissa there sometime. Then we went to Victoria's Secret because I wanted to show him something but their's was sooo smalll. The one me and marissa went to was bigger. Then we went back to his house and snuggled one last time to Nightmare before Christmas. Then I had to leave. =( Thats the worst part always blahh. Its soooo harrdd... and then when I get home the day after is just horrible. Like I need my drugs. Bad withdrawal. bad bad...

Anyway, The two days we had together were amazing and I loved it. =) I'm going to spend another three days with him and i can't wait. <333

Frustrated

I wish all of my entries could be happy or funny or about trivial events that go on in my life but they can't all be so. Some do most unfortunately cover the bad things too. This is the warning that this isn't a happy one. I'm frustrated. For many reasons.

I'm frustrated because i can't keep my hands off of food and i don't know why. Because it keeps me overweight which makes me feel worse about myself.
Frustrated because i'm covered in acne. It won't go away and everyone else gets to have semi-perfect skin.
Frustrated because i go around telling other people that body image shouldn't matter yet i over judge myself. It shouldn't matter but I worry about what i look like all the time,
Frustrated because i'm not good at anything.
Frustrated because I can't find a normal job for the life of me. Stupid port job. At least its a job.
Frustrated because i'm sore and ache all over even when i'm not moving.
Frustrated because of a dream where i got raped over and over again. Waking up emotionally drained is horrible.

But just one thing really pushes me over the edge. Everything else is bearable most of the time but this last thing is the worst and has the biggest impact on me.
Frustrated because i'm in love with someone i can't be with. To have someone that makes you so happy and not have them at the same time is sooo hardd. I'm blessed that i have him in the first place. But no one has made me happier when i needed it the most. He was there for me when i didn't think i could go to anyone else. To be so emotionally drawn to someone and then be separated is torture. I did this to myself. I could have easily in so many places in our relationship have stopped it from growing into what it is now, but i didn't. I needed him and i always do. People tell me that i still have it easy and that i shouldn't be complaining but i don't careeeee. I'm GOING to complain. He makes me feel good about myself and loves every bit of me and he makes me happy. To not have enough time with him hurts and this is my greatest frustration.

I don't believe in the saying you can't truly love other people until you love yourself. I don't love myself 100%. Sure i'm comfortable with myself and love myself enough that i can function normally and not do anything rash or crazy but there are things about me that i don't love at all. So there, i don't love myself completely. Do I love my family? Yes. Do i love my amazing friends? Yes. Do I love my boyfriend? More than anything.
Its not a fake love or a false love or anything thats unhealthy. Its the goodness and happiness that they give to me that i wish for the rest of them. Therefore i do not have to love myself completely to truly love them because i do love them. So much.

So this one was a sappy one. But i'm human. And this is a way to help figure out what i'm actually feeling. And it helps.
This one was depressing i know and i apologize.

-Sappy sap sappy mag
byes

Crazy Weekend

So! I had a fun filled crazy busy weekend. It was nice. I'm going to love the summerr.

Friday.
So Catie and I drove downtown for raf's graduation. We had to park in horton plaza and get the ticket validated and this sales lady totally scammed me. She was so pushy and to make her shutup, i just bought the makeup she was selling. 10 bucks. The makeup works well but i really didn't wanna buy anything gah. I'm such a pushoverr.... Raf's graduation. Kinda boring but still fun. I ran into a lot of people i haven't seen in awhile like Steph, Carly, Lizzie and Jake. =)
Then me rosie and catie walked over to horton plaza where we said hi to veronica working her shift at starbucks and then we went to the car and drove over to Raf's for his grad party. We had food and had a mario-kart tournament. Fun times fun times.

Saturday
Slept like nobody's businessss. hahahah Went to the festival at school for awhile and played the wii with raf tess and marissa. That was pretty fun. I think i suck at all video games hahah Then i went with the fam to Emily Jenson's singing recital. She was sooooooo gooooood. She wants to pursue a career in opra. She could totally do it. It was at a piano place and i messed with the pianos and my mom bought my sheet music! She bought me harry potter and high school musical :D
Came home, talked to my boyfriend on the phonee until we fell asleeps.

Sunday
Woke up. Went to a Girl Scout thing for like 4 hours and taught little girls how to make pudgie pies and pudding and vinegar rocketss. That was funnn. The kids are cute. Then we went to choir practice and then mass and then had dinner at the festival after mass. Went on some jumpers and then came home and talked to the wonderful boyfriend again.

Nice Weekend. =)
This is what i've been waiting for. A crazy busy fun summer and i look forward to having more time with my friends and Brandon especially <3

YAY SUMMER