I'm down here doing laundry with Ralph.
Here is what I did all weekend and yesterday I suppose.
On friday I had class all day and then dance until 8. Super fun! Then I just hung out with my floor mates and browsed online and chatted online. We watched 2 hours of jersey shore haha! It was really really fun actually. We had fun laughing at them. It was very entertaining. Originally we didn't really want to watch it at all but Tracy and I decided to stay and watch it. Ben has seen all 3 seasons hahaha He's the one that got us all to watch it.
Then on saturday I went to the library with tracy for like 3 hours and studied for stats. I was a good kid and studied! I have an exam tonight at 6. I hope I do okay. Ivonne wants to walk over together. Anyway then Tracy and I went to the hungry slug and got burritos and hung out there for awhile. Then we both took naps lol!! And then we just hung around the dorms with everyone and watched 2 more hours of the jersey shore. Super awesome.
Then on sunday I went to church and then Veronica bought me lunch again. Her boyfriend Alan came this time though. He is super funny. We all had a good time. Then I had dance at 3 and we had a new instructor. He was super awesome! And super hardcore. We learned 3 new songs in 2 hours. @.@ So fun though. Puebla!!
Then dance was over at 6 and I just hung out at the dorms. Its kind of cool to be living with everyone on the floor because we all socialize to pass the time. Its really fun.
I feel like I've been here forever though. And I really need a job but its so hard :(
Anyway my laundry should be done soon and then I need to get ready for my exam and make sure i have everything.
Ralph and I brought our laptops so that we could study. I'm all studied out though. I think I will do a good job. It doesn't seem hard but we'll see I suppose.
Also I keep having dreams of little things I desire! Its really weird. For example, I had a dream that I had my blank CD's in my dorm when in reality they are still in my car. Sad. I also had a dream that the dining hall finally had pie again. so sad. I have some weird dreams but this cluster of small witty desires was very strange. There are more things that were in the dream but I can't remember right now. I will write about them later I suppose.
bye!
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
FaceBook Badges
I just discovered this and I think its pretty cool. I've been messing around with it haha
Friday, January 21, 2011
Typical Day in the Dorms
I wanted to talk about what I did today because it is typically what I have been doing most days. Good days! I do miss everyone and home but I'm adjusting to this life and I have nothing to complain about (except that it gets really cold sometimes).
So I woke up to Marina's alarm and she did what I usually do and turned it off and went back to sleep haha :D And then about an hour later MY alarm woke us up hahahhaha and I turned it off and we both went back to sleep and then around 10:30 we woke up and did our own thing. She does stuff on her computer a lot. I went onto mine for a little bit and then Tracy wanted to know if I had eaten. I texted her back saying that I hadn't.
So then I got dressed and had breakfast with Tracy, Jenna, Ryan, Roy, Marina, Raymond, and Cat. Jeff eventually joined later on. The floor has its clicks but is still in the bigger picture a family. Anyone will eat with anyone and we usually sit together if we see each other in the dining halls at any point. Its really cool. We ate and talked at the Porter dining hall for awhile and then I came back up with ryan and raymond. Raymond was going to help me with my mailbox but I didn't get anything so it was unnecessary. Sad. I really need my books for my classes :( I'm surprised they haven't come yet.
Then I got on the bus because I had to move my car from in front of Veronica's house to this place in front of a Church where they won't ticket me. Tracy and I were going to get ice cream with our flexi dollars at Merrill when I got back but while I was on the bus she said she was too lazy and wanted to take a nap instead which was perfect! haha because I was falling asleep on the bus on the way back to campus.
Then I went back to my dorm and marina was doing stuff on her comp and I climbed up into my top bunk and took a nap. Then I woke up around 4:30 and laid in my bed for awhile just resting. Tracy texted me to go eat again. Since I had a class at 6 and so did she we brought our stuff with us for class so we could eat and then just go straight to class.
Today was Beefless Thursday at porter so we took the bus and ate at college nine and ten dining hall instead. I have been to 3 out of the 5 dining halls that we have here and I like nine and ten the best so far. Supposedly, stevenson is the best one.
So Jeff, Tracy, and I ate at college nine and ten and then Tracy and I went to class. After class Ivonne and I rode the bus and I went to college 8 to eat again with tracy! haha Ivonne goes home on the weekends and doesn't have class on Fridays so she rode the bus to her car. Tracy, ryan, jeremy, and I had dinner together. It was pretty fun. haha. Those kids are crazy hilarious. Then we came back and Tracy and I took showers and then I went online to talk to my love and caitlin and eddie and played scrabble and watched the office. Good Stuff. People were messing around in the hall and I socialized here and there with neighbors. Pretty cool.
And that is a normal day for me!
I want to try and write about different days so that I can re-read this stuff in the future.
peace!
So I woke up to Marina's alarm and she did what I usually do and turned it off and went back to sleep haha :D And then about an hour later MY alarm woke us up hahahhaha and I turned it off and we both went back to sleep and then around 10:30 we woke up and did our own thing. She does stuff on her computer a lot. I went onto mine for a little bit and then Tracy wanted to know if I had eaten. I texted her back saying that I hadn't.
So then I got dressed and had breakfast with Tracy, Jenna, Ryan, Roy, Marina, Raymond, and Cat. Jeff eventually joined later on. The floor has its clicks but is still in the bigger picture a family. Anyone will eat with anyone and we usually sit together if we see each other in the dining halls at any point. Its really cool. We ate and talked at the Porter dining hall for awhile and then I came back up with ryan and raymond. Raymond was going to help me with my mailbox but I didn't get anything so it was unnecessary. Sad. I really need my books for my classes :( I'm surprised they haven't come yet.
Then I got on the bus because I had to move my car from in front of Veronica's house to this place in front of a Church where they won't ticket me. Tracy and I were going to get ice cream with our flexi dollars at Merrill when I got back but while I was on the bus she said she was too lazy and wanted to take a nap instead which was perfect! haha because I was falling asleep on the bus on the way back to campus.
Then I went back to my dorm and marina was doing stuff on her comp and I climbed up into my top bunk and took a nap. Then I woke up around 4:30 and laid in my bed for awhile just resting. Tracy texted me to go eat again. Since I had a class at 6 and so did she we brought our stuff with us for class so we could eat and then just go straight to class.
Today was Beefless Thursday at porter so we took the bus and ate at college nine and ten dining hall instead. I have been to 3 out of the 5 dining halls that we have here and I like nine and ten the best so far. Supposedly, stevenson is the best one.
So Jeff, Tracy, and I ate at college nine and ten and then Tracy and I went to class. After class Ivonne and I rode the bus and I went to college 8 to eat again with tracy! haha Ivonne goes home on the weekends and doesn't have class on Fridays so she rode the bus to her car. Tracy, ryan, jeremy, and I had dinner together. It was pretty fun. haha. Those kids are crazy hilarious. Then we came back and Tracy and I took showers and then I went online to talk to my love and caitlin and eddie and played scrabble and watched the office. Good Stuff. People were messing around in the hall and I socialized here and there with neighbors. Pretty cool.
And that is a normal day for me!
I want to try and write about different days so that I can re-read this stuff in the future.
peace!
Spur of the Moment with My loved Ones
So if I had the time and the money, I would drive home as often as possible. But! I have class Sunday through Friday so that would not work at all :(
But this last sunday! I had lunch with Veronica which was AWESOME! because the food was good, Veronica treated me(she has been extremely generous and gracious the whole time I've been here and I love her for that) and we just had some really good conversation. It was very nice :)
I had dance but it ended at 6 and no class on monday and no class on tuesday since we got this crazy death threat, and I didn't have class until Wednesday at 2pm SO!! Before dance I packed clothes and things for the next few days and drove down to LA that night and spent the night with my love. And then mid-day we drove down to San Diego to pick up some things and run errands.
Let me tell you that it was AMAZING! :D The ride down was so so amazing because Brandon drove with me and we listened to music that we both like :) And I always get to introduce him to music that he hasn't heard and he tells me what he likes and doesn't like. Most of the time he has never heard of the music that I show him which I kind of love! Because if he pretended to like the music I like or pretended that he already knew the artist that I showed him, I would be able to tell. I've dealt with people like that. I can see right through it! If you've never heard of a band that I love or don't like them as much as I do, then thats fine! I really hate it when people pretend to. Its really easy to tell. I had a friend in school who did that. I was really close to calling her out. ANYWAY!! GETTING OFF TOPIC!
Got to San Diego and hung out with Catie :D Oh how I love my kitten. She was cracking me up the whole time and we took her to the store and got some donuts with her. Amazing. But then she had job training until like 6pm :(
Then we went home and helped my mom with some stuff and spent time with them. And watched tv :D Oh I missed my television. TV was awesome. And THEN! I had some snuggley time with Brandon and we watched more tv! haha! And then my dad got home and then eddie got there and then Brandon, Eddie, and I went and bought food which was REALLY fun!!
And I was so happy to see that Brandon and Eddie were getting along. I almost cried of happiness. I things have been a mess but the fact that they pulled it together for me and made it a good atmosphere was absolutely amazing.
Then we picked up catie with the food and went home and ate it all together :)
I couldn't have asked for anything better. My family was there, my best friend was there, and my love was there <3 and we all ate and talked and had a good time. I don't know if I have ever been more thankful to be around the people I care about.
Then after spending what felt like 5 minutes with all of them Brandon and I drove back to LA.
I had some stuff I had to do during the day and then I was going to drive back to Santa Cruz that night.
BUT! HAHA! Then I remembered that I didn't have class until Wednesday at 2pm so I decided to stay another night. :)
The next morning we woke up and I went to the stores I needed to go to and did the stuff I needed to do and I took Brandon to breakfast with my IHOP giftcard. A simple meal with him where I am able to just talk to him and have some good food is just amazing.
And Brandon had some stuff he wanted to do on WoW so while he did that, I did some homework that was due the next day. It really all worked out because I could print it at his house too :) Its a hassle to print here at school.
Then! After he finished his WoW thing and I finished my hw. I took a shower and he bought me dinner :D And we brought it back to his house and had slurpee's and dinner and watched Easy A (which he bought for me). Then I woke up around 6 in the morning and drove back to Santa Cruz. And the drive is actually really really nice. I didn't die of boredom like I thought I did.
Oh I have never enjoyed doing simple things so much as I did these last few days.
I really loved every second I got with Brandon. I really loved hanging out with eddie and my family too. They all make me laugh so much.
I was extremely homesick the week before and seeing all of them made me feel like it was going to be okay. Like I could breathe again. I came back to Santa Cruz with a different attitude.
I was scared of not having a home when I go back to San Diego. I realized something though. The people I care about might change some, and things may not exactly be the same when I go back but they will always be there to hold me when I go back. I will always love them and they will love me.
I decided to drive down in the spur of the moment. And I think it was one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life.
Thank you for these last few days God :) I need to learn how to trust you more.
Goodnight
But this last sunday! I had lunch with Veronica which was AWESOME! because the food was good, Veronica treated me(she has been extremely generous and gracious the whole time I've been here and I love her for that) and we just had some really good conversation. It was very nice :)
I had dance but it ended at 6 and no class on monday and no class on tuesday since we got this crazy death threat, and I didn't have class until Wednesday at 2pm SO!! Before dance I packed clothes and things for the next few days and drove down to LA that night and spent the night with my love. And then mid-day we drove down to San Diego to pick up some things and run errands.
Let me tell you that it was AMAZING! :D The ride down was so so amazing because Brandon drove with me and we listened to music that we both like :) And I always get to introduce him to music that he hasn't heard and he tells me what he likes and doesn't like. Most of the time he has never heard of the music that I show him which I kind of love! Because if he pretended to like the music I like or pretended that he already knew the artist that I showed him, I would be able to tell. I've dealt with people like that. I can see right through it! If you've never heard of a band that I love or don't like them as much as I do, then thats fine! I really hate it when people pretend to. Its really easy to tell. I had a friend in school who did that. I was really close to calling her out. ANYWAY!! GETTING OFF TOPIC!
Got to San Diego and hung out with Catie :D Oh how I love my kitten. She was cracking me up the whole time and we took her to the store and got some donuts with her. Amazing. But then she had job training until like 6pm :(
Then we went home and helped my mom with some stuff and spent time with them. And watched tv :D Oh I missed my television. TV was awesome. And THEN! I had some snuggley time with Brandon and we watched more tv! haha! And then my dad got home and then eddie got there and then Brandon, Eddie, and I went and bought food which was REALLY fun!!
And I was so happy to see that Brandon and Eddie were getting along. I almost cried of happiness. I things have been a mess but the fact that they pulled it together for me and made it a good atmosphere was absolutely amazing.
Then we picked up catie with the food and went home and ate it all together :)
I couldn't have asked for anything better. My family was there, my best friend was there, and my love was there <3 and we all ate and talked and had a good time. I don't know if I have ever been more thankful to be around the people I care about.
Then after spending what felt like 5 minutes with all of them Brandon and I drove back to LA.
I had some stuff I had to do during the day and then I was going to drive back to Santa Cruz that night.
BUT! HAHA! Then I remembered that I didn't have class until Wednesday at 2pm so I decided to stay another night. :)
The next morning we woke up and I went to the stores I needed to go to and did the stuff I needed to do and I took Brandon to breakfast with my IHOP giftcard. A simple meal with him where I am able to just talk to him and have some good food is just amazing.
And Brandon had some stuff he wanted to do on WoW so while he did that, I did some homework that was due the next day. It really all worked out because I could print it at his house too :) Its a hassle to print here at school.
Then! After he finished his WoW thing and I finished my hw. I took a shower and he bought me dinner :D And we brought it back to his house and had slurpee's and dinner and watched Easy A (which he bought for me). Then I woke up around 6 in the morning and drove back to Santa Cruz. And the drive is actually really really nice. I didn't die of boredom like I thought I did.
Oh I have never enjoyed doing simple things so much as I did these last few days.
I really loved every second I got with Brandon. I really loved hanging out with eddie and my family too. They all make me laugh so much.
I was extremely homesick the week before and seeing all of them made me feel like it was going to be okay. Like I could breathe again. I came back to Santa Cruz with a different attitude.
I was scared of not having a home when I go back to San Diego. I realized something though. The people I care about might change some, and things may not exactly be the same when I go back but they will always be there to hold me when I go back. I will always love them and they will love me.
I decided to drive down in the spur of the moment. And I think it was one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life.
Thank you for these last few days God :) I need to learn how to trust you more.
Goodnight
Thursday, January 20, 2011
For Now
I finished my hw about 15 mins ago and got dressed for the gym because after I eat with Tracy I need to go get my car and move it. And then hopefully go hit the gym since I have nothing else to do.
My classes are SUPER easy. For now anyway. So much free time. Brandon gave me a few movies to watch and he bought me Easy A which I thought was hilarious haha :) Apparently a lot of people didn't like that movie.
Here is what is currently on my to do list:
-Laundry even though I just did laundry. I'm not exactly sure how that works out.
ahh lunch with Tracy!
I'll finish this later.
My classes are SUPER easy. For now anyway. So much free time. Brandon gave me a few movies to watch and he bought me Easy A which I thought was hilarious haha :) Apparently a lot of people didn't like that movie.
Here is what is currently on my to do list:
-Laundry even though I just did laundry. I'm not exactly sure how that works out.
ahh lunch with Tracy!
I'll finish this later.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Happy At the Moment
I had kind of a crappy morning. I woke up late. My fault of course. My eyes were puffy from crying.
My makeup workshop was at 12. I went out to the bustop at 11:30 and decided that I would wait until 11:45 for the bus to comeand if it didn't come by then, then I would walk. Unfortunately the workshop was on the other side of campus :(
I waited until 11:50 for the bus to come and it didn't so I decided to start walking. Then I got lost :( Of course. And I took a shower before I left and I was sweating because I was running to try to get there on time. It was horrible... I almost broke down and gave up.
BUT! I got there and they hadn't started or settled down yet so I felt better when I got there.
There was a social at 3 but it was too much of a hassle to get there so I decided not to go.
I'm glad I decided not to go though :)
I'm glad because then I got online and my boyfriend really cheered me up.
We talked and he showed me some youtube videos and was being the cheerful one. It really helped me a lot and made me feel better. And now we are chatting and playing scrabble :) I'm in a good place right now and for the moment I'm not homesick or anything else and I'm just having a good time spending some time with Brandon. We aren't together physically but for now this will do. He can cure most things <3
My makeup workshop was at 12. I went out to the bustop at 11:30 and decided that I would wait until 11:45 for the bus to comeand if it didn't come by then, then I would walk. Unfortunately the workshop was on the other side of campus :(
I waited until 11:50 for the bus to come and it didn't so I decided to start walking. Then I got lost :( Of course. And I took a shower before I left and I was sweating because I was running to try to get there on time. It was horrible... I almost broke down and gave up.
BUT! I got there and they hadn't started or settled down yet so I felt better when I got there.
There was a social at 3 but it was too much of a hassle to get there so I decided not to go.
I'm glad I decided not to go though :)
I'm glad because then I got online and my boyfriend really cheered me up.
We talked and he showed me some youtube videos and was being the cheerful one. It really helped me a lot and made me feel better. And now we are chatting and playing scrabble :) I'm in a good place right now and for the moment I'm not homesick or anything else and I'm just having a good time spending some time with Brandon. We aren't together physically but for now this will do. He can cure most things <3
Friday, January 14, 2011
Jot
Just thought I'd jot down a few things. I just got back to my room from breakfast with tracy, linelle, jeremy and ryan. We had some nice convo going. I was only up this early because I had a class at 8am. After this I'm going back to sleep before my 2 oclock class ha!
Marina was here when I got back and she made the room smell like soap somehow. @.@ Its kind of bothering me. But I get the room to myself for the next 3 days because we have a 3 day weekend. I technically have a 4 day weekend. We don't have class on Monday and I don't have class on Tuesday because some student graffitied threats on one of the humanities building and it said that he was going to do something violent on the 18th which is Tuesday. I only have stats that day anyway. She said that she would be there if we wanted to go to class and I know it might sound like I'm just trying to NOT go to class but I feel like psycho kids mean that stuff seriously. If the kid who made those threats was in any way serious about it, I don't want to risk my life for a statistics class so I think I'm not going to go.
Plans for today. Sleeping until 1:30 then going to my 2pm World Society class. Then I have dance at 5 and I'll probably get dinner after that and steal some food for the weekend. After that I'll probably take a shower and hang out with some people and go online and stuff. The normal shmormal. Still get homesick sometimes. Last night I dreamt about being with my mom and with Catie. I really miss them. I've been ignoring phone calls from my mom and my dad so that I don't have to talk to them. Its too hard. I haven't told my mom that I get homesick. I thinking telling her outloud would just make it worse. I can't keep talking about this or I'll start crying again.
Tracy just stopped by. She wants to do laundry with me later which is a very good idea.
Marina is all packed and ready to be picked up by her boyfriend. So jealous that she gets to go home whenever she wants :(
I hope I don't have a long weekend ahead of me. I need to try and stay busy or I'll just stay in my room and cry all day. Ugh. Hopefully I can hang out with Caitlin. I miss herrrrrrr. I haven't seen her in so long.
Marina was here when I got back and she made the room smell like soap somehow. @.@ Its kind of bothering me. But I get the room to myself for the next 3 days because we have a 3 day weekend. I technically have a 4 day weekend. We don't have class on Monday and I don't have class on Tuesday because some student graffitied threats on one of the humanities building and it said that he was going to do something violent on the 18th which is Tuesday. I only have stats that day anyway. She said that she would be there if we wanted to go to class and I know it might sound like I'm just trying to NOT go to class but I feel like psycho kids mean that stuff seriously. If the kid who made those threats was in any way serious about it, I don't want to risk my life for a statistics class so I think I'm not going to go.
Plans for today. Sleeping until 1:30 then going to my 2pm World Society class. Then I have dance at 5 and I'll probably get dinner after that and steal some food for the weekend. After that I'll probably take a shower and hang out with some people and go online and stuff. The normal shmormal. Still get homesick sometimes. Last night I dreamt about being with my mom and with Catie. I really miss them. I've been ignoring phone calls from my mom and my dad so that I don't have to talk to them. Its too hard. I haven't told my mom that I get homesick. I thinking telling her outloud would just make it worse. I can't keep talking about this or I'll start crying again.
Tracy just stopped by. She wants to do laundry with me later which is a very good idea.
Marina is all packed and ready to be picked up by her boyfriend. So jealous that she gets to go home whenever she wants :(
I hope I don't have a long weekend ahead of me. I need to try and stay busy or I'll just stay in my room and cry all day. Ugh. Hopefully I can hang out with Caitlin. I miss herrrrrrr. I haven't seen her in so long.
Ran Out
I hate it when I run out of things to do on the internet. I have a semi-busy day tomorrow. I have to wake up at 7:30 argh. Its only an hour long class. After that I'm going to get breakfast with tracy and then probably come back here and go back to sleep. Then wake up at 1:30 and go to my World Society class. Then I have dance at 5-8. And then probably just hang out in the dorms and socialize with everyone.
My homesickness is improving but its not gone yet. Talking to people helps. Like i just talked to eddie for awhile and that really helped. When I'm talking to Marissa or mayte or Brandon that helps too. I'm going to go read for awhile. Or until i feel like I can fall asleep at some point.
Caitlin might come to see me next Tuesday!!! YAAY! I would love that. I need some more familiar faces. I miss home :(
I REALLY need to do laundry. yargh.
My homesickness is improving but its not gone yet. Talking to people helps. Like i just talked to eddie for awhile and that really helped. When I'm talking to Marissa or mayte or Brandon that helps too. I'm going to go read for awhile. Or until i feel like I can fall asleep at some point.
Caitlin might come to see me next Tuesday!!! YAAY! I would love that. I need some more familiar faces. I miss home :(
I REALLY need to do laundry. yargh.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Homesick
Homesick again :(
Maybe because I don't have anything else to do. Its not as bad as it usually is though. I don't feel like I'm going to cave in on myself like before but I really really want to go home. :'(
I used to really stress out and worry about the loans and whether or not we'd be able to get them. But now I don't really care if we get them or not... Sometimes I secretly hope that they won't go through so that I can just go home.
This is horrible. ugh....
I'm going to try to sleep it off.
At least when I'm sleeping I can be with brandon sometimes.
Maybe because I don't have anything else to do. Its not as bad as it usually is though. I don't feel like I'm going to cave in on myself like before but I really really want to go home. :'(
I used to really stress out and worry about the loans and whether or not we'd be able to get them. But now I don't really care if we get them or not... Sometimes I secretly hope that they won't go through so that I can just go home.
This is horrible. ugh....
I'm going to try to sleep it off.
At least when I'm sleeping I can be with brandon sometimes.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Better
I feel a lot better when I can fully grasp that its not the end of the world. When I can realize that I'm not going to be here forever and that my family will still be there when go back I feel good.
I was just talking to ivonne. She is so flipping awesome. She is religious too but she is Christian. BUT! We still get along really well and we have stats together so we can help each other out.
She is columbian but she loves mexico for some reason. She wants to go to TJ this weekend because its a three day weekend. I am SOO TEMPTED to go but I really can't afford it. And I have things I have to do this weekend. Well mostly I just have dance that I can't miss because they are grading based on attendance and we have a makeup workshop that we have to go to if we want to perform.
Anyway I feel a lot better. I had dinner with ryan and tracy. Love tracy. Ryan is pretty cool too.
I am SO glad that I have Brandon. I feel like I'm still getting the full experience except that I don't have to worry about other guys trying to move in because I can just casually mention my beloved boyfriend and it stays strictly friend basis. Which is still cool cause they are cool with being friends!!
Anyway I'm procrastinating on some hw I have due tomorrow. So Peace for now
I was just talking to ivonne. She is so flipping awesome. She is religious too but she is Christian. BUT! We still get along really well and we have stats together so we can help each other out.
She is columbian but she loves mexico for some reason. She wants to go to TJ this weekend because its a three day weekend. I am SOO TEMPTED to go but I really can't afford it. And I have things I have to do this weekend. Well mostly I just have dance that I can't miss because they are grading based on attendance and we have a makeup workshop that we have to go to if we want to perform.
Anyway I feel a lot better. I had dinner with ryan and tracy. Love tracy. Ryan is pretty cool too.
I am SO glad that I have Brandon. I feel like I'm still getting the full experience except that I don't have to worry about other guys trying to move in because I can just casually mention my beloved boyfriend and it stays strictly friend basis. Which is still cool cause they are cool with being friends!!
Anyway I'm procrastinating on some hw I have due tomorrow. So Peace for now
Scared
68 days until I can go home...
What if I never learn to make this my new home? :( What if I always feel like I'm ready to go home...
Which doesn't make sense because I haven't found anything bad about this place... My classes are great. The people are fantastic. Its beautiful up here.
But it just isn't home. I mean it hasn't even been 2 weeks yet so I know I probably still have time to get used to this being my home.
What I'm really scared of right now is that I miss home so much. Everything about it. Even the bad stuff.
What if I go home and everything is so foreign to me that it isn't the home I remembered. What if things change so much that when I go back to san diego looking for what I once called home and it isn't there. Even worse, what if I go back and I don't feel like its home anymore, and I never got used to calling santa cruz my home. Then I have no home.
If things don't get better by spring, then maybe this just wasn't meant to be.
wow okay I have to stop talking about this. I'm getting depressed. bye
What if I never learn to make this my new home? :( What if I always feel like I'm ready to go home...
Which doesn't make sense because I haven't found anything bad about this place... My classes are great. The people are fantastic. Its beautiful up here.
But it just isn't home. I mean it hasn't even been 2 weeks yet so I know I probably still have time to get used to this being my home.
What I'm really scared of right now is that I miss home so much. Everything about it. Even the bad stuff.
What if I go home and everything is so foreign to me that it isn't the home I remembered. What if things change so much that when I go back to san diego looking for what I once called home and it isn't there. Even worse, what if I go back and I don't feel like its home anymore, and I never got used to calling santa cruz my home. Then I have no home.
If things don't get better by spring, then maybe this just wasn't meant to be.
wow okay I have to stop talking about this. I'm getting depressed. bye
Monday, January 10, 2011
To Do
So I'm not up to much right now. I have things to do tomorrow. Here is the list of things to do tomorrow:
- Go to the office and get my laundry card because I need to do a load of laundry and I apparently need this card that everyone has and I don't have one.
- Read for statistics
- Read and do questions for World Society and then print out the questions.
- Buy make up for the workshop I have to go to for dance.
- Move my car to where alexis has hers on high street. MUST do that tomorrow. It should be a nice walk
- Make it to class on time at 6pm which is the only one I have tomorrow :)
- Ask alexis where trash bags are.
Thats about it I think. I don't really know what else to write about.
Alexis just walked in. Tomorrow is nav's birthday so she had Marina and I sign a card. I was too lazy to ask her about the trash bags LOL! I get so lazy sometimes.
I am homesick again. Argh. I just need to hold on. Two months. Thats it! Not so bad. I can't keep talking about this or I'll start crying. I'm just going to focus on the office for now. Maybe go on groove shark for a bit. So having a bon iver phase right now.
bye!
- Go to the office and get my laundry card because I need to do a load of laundry and I apparently need this card that everyone has and I don't have one.
- Read for statistics
- Read and do questions for World Society and then print out the questions.
- Buy make up for the workshop I have to go to for dance.
- Move my car to where alexis has hers on high street. MUST do that tomorrow. It should be a nice walk
- Make it to class on time at 6pm which is the only one I have tomorrow :)
- Ask alexis where trash bags are.
Thats about it I think. I don't really know what else to write about.
Alexis just walked in. Tomorrow is nav's birthday so she had Marina and I sign a card. I was too lazy to ask her about the trash bags LOL! I get so lazy sometimes.
I am homesick again. Argh. I just need to hold on. Two months. Thats it! Not so bad. I can't keep talking about this or I'll start crying. I'm just going to focus on the office for now. Maybe go on groove shark for a bit. So having a bon iver phase right now.
bye!
Snuggling
I miss snuggling with Brandon :(
The last day we had together was particularly snuggly. We played mario party and had lunch and snuggled all day.
He shouldn't fret though. Although that is much easier said than done because I ache for him a lot too. Because we have gone long periods of time without seeing each other. We've done it before. We can do it again. <3 We will be fine sweetheart. I love you and my heart is not swaying away from you at all.
It really made my day yesterday when we talked and you were in a good mood the whole time :) I am happy when you are happy. I am sad when you are sad. I know this is hard. I know...
Hopefully you can visit <3 I can show you around. :) I hope you feel better soon. I love you!
The last day we had together was particularly snuggly. We played mario party and had lunch and snuggled all day.
He shouldn't fret though. Although that is much easier said than done because I ache for him a lot too. Because we have gone long periods of time without seeing each other. We've done it before. We can do it again. <3 We will be fine sweetheart. I love you and my heart is not swaying away from you at all.
It really made my day yesterday when we talked and you were in a good mood the whole time :) I am happy when you are happy. I am sad when you are sad. I know this is hard. I know...
Hopefully you can visit <3 I can show you around. :) I hope you feel better soon. I love you!
Hard Time
I had a realization. Not a HUGE HUGE one. But a realization at that. Yes I get homesick from time to time still. But here is the thing. I am not going to be here forever.
I'm not going to be here forever.
And thinking about that makes it a little more easy to trudge on. I miss my friends. I miss my family. I miss my love. I miss my dog.
But I have a lot to keep myself distracted here. I just can't let it bring me down. I must go on! I will get visits from friends. I will get to see my family in march. Two months! Thats it. I can go home in March for Spring break. Not that bad. I can do this.
I'm not going to be here forever.
And thinking about that makes it a little more easy to trudge on. I miss my friends. I miss my family. I miss my love. I miss my dog.
But I have a lot to keep myself distracted here. I just can't let it bring me down. I must go on! I will get visits from friends. I will get to see my family in march. Two months! Thats it. I can go home in March for Spring break. Not that bad. I can do this.
Saturday, January 08, 2011
Sopping with Tracy
I feel kind of better in a way. I think mostly because I'm too exhausted to feel anything but being tired.
I just got back from shopping with tracy. I just got enough for for the next month or so for the weekends since I'm on the 5 day plan. I got everything for like 25 dollars too! Very proud. I had to wake up kind of early to go with her though. I fell asleep a little before 4 and woke up at like 9:30 to go with her.
I feel better when I hang out with her! She is a good distraction from being homesick. I feel like I've known her for years. I feel like we will get really close and hang out a lot. She is a really awesome person. Anyway. Veronica wanted to hang out today and show me around. I told I would go with her at 3.
Except! She wanted to go earlier but I was shopping with Tracy so I told her maybe later. Veronica is the type of person who could let that discourage her from hanging out today. So I don't know if she will respond to my text message. We'll see. I hope she can give me a ride to Church tomorrow too because I dont' want to have to figure out how to get there on the bus. I'm too lazy and I'll probably have to walk and I'm still sick. I'm coughing a lot still and blowing my nose. I hope I don't get Tracy sick.
Anyway I still miss everyone but I'm sure I will adapt and love this place even more with time. Its beautiful here and everyone is really welcoming so I shouldn't have any problems.
Dance was so fun! I'm a little rusty but I'm catching on again pretty fast. They have a club and go to conferences and perform and stuff too. You have to ask and fill out forms to perform but I shouldn't have any problems with that. I think they do that because there are a lot of people in the class and its clear that some of them are just taking it as a class and thats it. I don't think they are looking into the club that is involved with the class or performing. They just want it as a class.
I, however, would love to become involved in that. They are all very nice and the girl who teaches knows what she is doing. Love it. Can't wait to do more of that.
If veronica decides that 3pm works for hanging out with her then I need to get my nap on because 3pm will approach faster than I think while I'm asleep.
Peace!
I just got back from shopping with tracy. I just got enough for for the next month or so for the weekends since I'm on the 5 day plan. I got everything for like 25 dollars too! Very proud. I had to wake up kind of early to go with her though. I fell asleep a little before 4 and woke up at like 9:30 to go with her.
I feel better when I hang out with her! She is a good distraction from being homesick. I feel like I've known her for years. I feel like we will get really close and hang out a lot. She is a really awesome person. Anyway. Veronica wanted to hang out today and show me around. I told I would go with her at 3.
Except! She wanted to go earlier but I was shopping with Tracy so I told her maybe later. Veronica is the type of person who could let that discourage her from hanging out today. So I don't know if she will respond to my text message. We'll see. I hope she can give me a ride to Church tomorrow too because I dont' want to have to figure out how to get there on the bus. I'm too lazy and I'll probably have to walk and I'm still sick. I'm coughing a lot still and blowing my nose. I hope I don't get Tracy sick.
Anyway I still miss everyone but I'm sure I will adapt and love this place even more with time. Its beautiful here and everyone is really welcoming so I shouldn't have any problems.
Dance was so fun! I'm a little rusty but I'm catching on again pretty fast. They have a club and go to conferences and perform and stuff too. You have to ask and fill out forms to perform but I shouldn't have any problems with that. I think they do that because there are a lot of people in the class and its clear that some of them are just taking it as a class and thats it. I don't think they are looking into the club that is involved with the class or performing. They just want it as a class.
I, however, would love to become involved in that. They are all very nice and the girl who teaches knows what she is doing. Love it. Can't wait to do more of that.
If veronica decides that 3pm works for hanging out with her then I need to get my nap on because 3pm will approach faster than I think while I'm asleep.
Peace!
Miss
I think the thing I miss most is my love...
I think that what pains me is knowing that I can't just go for a drive to go see him. What makes me feel broken is that seeing him whenever I please is undo-able.
I don't know why I thought that Marina being gone would be kind of nice seeing as I would have the room to myself. Why did I think that?!?
I hardly know her. We have nothing in common. She is very nice though and we get along okay. Good roommate. But I need her...
When she is here I don't have a private place to go to where I can just cry because I want to be home.
With her gone I have my own hole of misery. Alone with no one to comfort me. I can just sit here and cry and cry .
With Marina gone my fumbling hands that were struggling to hold my homesick self together just surrender completely.
I know I'll get over this....I've gone through this before....
But I feel so broken :'(
My life has changed dramatically and I have in a way lost everything.
I wish I could visit home like everyone else. I wish I could just spend an hour with my family.
I feel like there is a gash inside of me and I'm doing all I can to stop the blood from gushing out. With Marina gone, I have no strength to not let it rip me apart.
I never let myself go because there was always someone watching. But marina isn't coming back until Sunday and until then I will just have to distract myself and cope. I will have to try to hold myself together. I don't know how successful I will be but I will try.
I wish I could be in Brandon's arms. Everything is perfect there. I can be there and feel like I don't need anything else. Hearing him cry just really broke my heart. I feel selfish for leaving him. I want so badly to be with him right now. I don't care if he snores. I just want to be with him. I want to be safe.
I'm going to try to stop crying and go to sleep. I'm supposed to wake up in 6 hours to go with Tracy to the store. God bless her. She is such a sweetheart and we get along REALLY well. I'm looking forward to hanging out with her.
I think that what pains me is knowing that I can't just go for a drive to go see him. What makes me feel broken is that seeing him whenever I please is undo-able.
I don't know why I thought that Marina being gone would be kind of nice seeing as I would have the room to myself. Why did I think that?!?
I hardly know her. We have nothing in common. She is very nice though and we get along okay. Good roommate. But I need her...
When she is here I don't have a private place to go to where I can just cry because I want to be home.
With her gone I have my own hole of misery. Alone with no one to comfort me. I can just sit here and cry and cry .
With Marina gone my fumbling hands that were struggling to hold my homesick self together just surrender completely.
I know I'll get over this....I've gone through this before....
But I feel so broken :'(
My life has changed dramatically and I have in a way lost everything.
I wish I could visit home like everyone else. I wish I could just spend an hour with my family.
I feel like there is a gash inside of me and I'm doing all I can to stop the blood from gushing out. With Marina gone, I have no strength to not let it rip me apart.
I never let myself go because there was always someone watching. But marina isn't coming back until Sunday and until then I will just have to distract myself and cope. I will have to try to hold myself together. I don't know how successful I will be but I will try.
I wish I could be in Brandon's arms. Everything is perfect there. I can be there and feel like I don't need anything else. Hearing him cry just really broke my heart. I feel selfish for leaving him. I want so badly to be with him right now. I don't care if he snores. I just want to be with him. I want to be safe.
I'm going to try to stop crying and go to sleep. I'm supposed to wake up in 6 hours to go with Tracy to the store. God bless her. She is such a sweetheart and we get along REALLY well. I'm looking forward to hanging out with her.
Life
My new life. Its going good actually :) I'm getting better so thats good. I LOVE hanging out with Tracy. She is super duper awesome. We are going to go to the dollars store tomorrow. I just finished applying to some jobs.
Dance was SO FUN!!! I loved it. I can't wait to get involved with that. I've been meeting lots of really cool people.
I have the room to myself tonight since Marina goes home on the weekends. Pretty awesome.
I feel like I have more to say but I'm tired so I'm going to watch a movie and go to bed eventually. I want to wake up at the same time as Tracy so that we can do our thang tomorrow.
PEACE!
Dance was SO FUN!!! I loved it. I can't wait to get involved with that. I've been meeting lots of really cool people.
I have the room to myself tonight since Marina goes home on the weekends. Pretty awesome.
I feel like I have more to say but I'm tired so I'm going to watch a movie and go to bed eventually. I want to wake up at the same time as Tracy so that we can do our thang tomorrow.
PEACE!
Thursday, January 06, 2011
Still Sick
Gah I'm still sick which really sucksssss. :( Cause I have to blow my nose all the time.
Also I'm kind of bored because I don't have any homework yet and I don't have much to do. I'll go to the gym at some point but I don't have class until 6pm!!! So late! What the heck do I do all day? I haven't eaten yet I suppose. I've been having two meals per day hahaa. Why you ask? I wake up late and then I have this brunch kind of thing and then I have dinner at around 5 or 6 and then its too late to go back again. So bam. I mean its kind of a waste of money that i'm spending on it but I guess someone will eat it.
I'm going to actually miss the breakfast foods because they put out lunch at 11:45. Marina just left for her first class. I'm hungry. Maybe I'll go eat right now.
Also I'm kind of bored because I don't have any homework yet and I don't have much to do. I'll go to the gym at some point but I don't have class until 6pm!!! So late! What the heck do I do all day? I haven't eaten yet I suppose. I've been having two meals per day hahaa. Why you ask? I wake up late and then I have this brunch kind of thing and then I have dinner at around 5 or 6 and then its too late to go back again. So bam. I mean its kind of a waste of money that i'm spending on it but I guess someone will eat it.
I'm going to actually miss the breakfast foods because they put out lunch at 11:45. Marina just left for her first class. I'm hungry. Maybe I'll go eat right now.
Wednesday, January 05, 2011
Good Morning!
Marina and I woke up give or take about a half an hour ago. We are going to go eat breakfast soon. I have a class at 2 but thats it for today. I'm going to try to go to the gym after that and then come back to my dorm and take a shower and then maybe dinner. We shall see! Our dining hall closes at 7 though.
I ate at college nine and ten's dining hall last night. I need to get a lanyard too for my card like Marina I think or I'll lose it X.X
Most people here are from around here. I met a guy last night that was from Santa Ana which is VERY close to where my love lives.
ARGH!! Just came back form brunch with marina. She wanted to take the stairs and I am SO out of shape. 5 flights of stairs gah.
So I should have more time to write now that I have tons of freedom. I'll be back later I suppose. I need to bring all the boxes I used down the the recycle bin.
peace :)
I ate at college nine and ten's dining hall last night. I need to get a lanyard too for my card like Marina I think or I'll lose it X.X
Most people here are from around here. I met a guy last night that was from Santa Ana which is VERY close to where my love lives.
ARGH!! Just came back form brunch with marina. She wanted to take the stairs and I am SO out of shape. 5 flights of stairs gah.
So I should have more time to write now that I have tons of freedom. I'll be back later I suppose. I need to bring all the boxes I used down the the recycle bin.
peace :)
Tuesday, January 04, 2011
Change and Adjustment
Well I'm not sure what the difference between being homesick and what I'm feeling is. Heck maybe I'm homesick! Don't get me wrong. This place is BEAUTIFUL! And everyone is SO SO nice and I have freedom. I love it all. I'm just ready to go home for awhile now though. I don't feel sad when I think about it but I just feel like, "This was really cool but I'm ready to go hang out with my family now. I'll be back later when I get sick of home." But I can't do that.
One thing I'm getting used to is the lack of privacy. I was originally a bit skeptical about having the top bunk but I got very lucky I think.
1. I don't have to make my bed or in other words I don't have to worry about my messy bed being seen by others.
2. I wanted to nap today and marina was on her computer and every now and then people would come in to see her BUT since I have the top bunk, I can nap without worrying about people seeing me while I sleep which I would prefer to not happen haha. its awesome.
3. I can lie up there alone to my thoughts. And surprisingly it is one of the most private areas that I have to myself.
There are people everywhere! I can't walk down the hallway without running into someone. I live with someone. I can't go to the bathroom or take a shower alone. I don't have the option of doing my own thing solitarily. Which also means that I can't wear the same shirt 3 days in a row LOL! Or not care that I look like crap. Like I do at home. Because there are people everywhere!
The bathroom bothers me a bit. The guys leave the toilet seat up. And when I'm on my period I don't want to have to worry about them hearing the wrappers to my pads or tampons which I already try to avoid when its only females. But I'm going to have to adjust.
I mean Its not that I want to avoid people, I just can't go anywhere without being by myself. I don't really have that option anymore.
Everyone is really really cool here though. I feel like I've known them forever.
Anywho. Only day one of actually living here so I have much more to come :)
I miss my family and friends already and of course I miss my love. He is having a really hard time with this. I hate seeing him in pain. :'( I hope it will get better.
This is all for now I suppose. I will just hover around online for awhile or until Marina sleeps. I'm watching the office too so that is passing some time. I dont' have homework yet.
Bye bye!
One thing I'm getting used to is the lack of privacy. I was originally a bit skeptical about having the top bunk but I got very lucky I think.
1. I don't have to make my bed or in other words I don't have to worry about my messy bed being seen by others.
2. I wanted to nap today and marina was on her computer and every now and then people would come in to see her BUT since I have the top bunk, I can nap without worrying about people seeing me while I sleep which I would prefer to not happen haha. its awesome.
3. I can lie up there alone to my thoughts. And surprisingly it is one of the most private areas that I have to myself.
There are people everywhere! I can't walk down the hallway without running into someone. I live with someone. I can't go to the bathroom or take a shower alone. I don't have the option of doing my own thing solitarily. Which also means that I can't wear the same shirt 3 days in a row LOL! Or not care that I look like crap. Like I do at home. Because there are people everywhere!
The bathroom bothers me a bit. The guys leave the toilet seat up. And when I'm on my period I don't want to have to worry about them hearing the wrappers to my pads or tampons which I already try to avoid when its only females. But I'm going to have to adjust.
I mean Its not that I want to avoid people, I just can't go anywhere without being by myself. I don't really have that option anymore.
Everyone is really really cool here though. I feel like I've known them forever.
Anywho. Only day one of actually living here so I have much more to come :)
I miss my family and friends already and of course I miss my love. He is having a really hard time with this. I hate seeing him in pain. :'( I hope it will get better.
This is all for now I suppose. I will just hover around online for awhile or until Marina sleeps. I'm watching the office too so that is passing some time. I dont' have homework yet.
Bye bye!
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