Brandon

I miss you :(

so much.

Less than a week and I get to be in your arms again and hold your hand and kiss you.

I can't wait to spend time with you.

I've been so busy. And I love it!

But I love you too. And I just wanted to say that I miss you my love.

Stanford

So every year Stanford asks our folklorico group to dance at their spring show. We tell them what regions we have learned and then they pick two regions to perform. This year they picked Colima and Durango :)

Blanca needed me to drive and I was happy to say yes because I wanted to go support them and watch the show anyway. Plus I get to drive my kids (Monica, Jose, Laura, and margarita) So it should be fun :)

Also! Isabel hurt her back really badly and she might not perform and blanca needed a shadow for Durango so I might have to dance that at the spring show too! Which I'm excited about. I love dancing. I know my family and friends back home would come if they could. I don't blame them for anything.

And the crazy thing is that there are so little guys that only they get to have three regions. Margarita and Rosanna and are the only three girls that have two regions. If I get to perform Durango I'll be like a boy since I will have three regions haha. That would be fun :)

I think we are going to party after the show tonight yay.

AND we are so close to getting our apartment!!! :D
I'm excited to live with mariela and blanca.

P.S.

Why am I so freaking emotional? In a way I'm horrendously jealous of Eddie and Eric.

I'm jealous that they can just keep their emotions in check all the time. I'm jealous that they are more made out of rock rather than play dough like me.

But then I'm not. I feel like I can see some things in a much more beautiful way because of how easily I am touched. simple things.

But it can be tiring. And right now I am weary and I wish I could do what they do.

Dance friends

I feel like they are my family here. They never let me down. They are always there for me.

I forget all of my troubles when I'm with them.

They appreciate me.
They hug me everyday.
They actually tell me that they love me...

I have never been apart of such a large loving group of people and i am so thankful for them.

Im glad I have people that love me here.

I am growing close to smaller group within the large group: Jose, Laura, Monica, Margarita, Aaron.

They are so fun! We click so well. I love hanging out with them. I love dancing with them. We have had some really good times. I have been spending a lot of time with them.

We are getting closer but I don't feel like I should talk to them about my troubles just yet. They help me forget about them without even trying and I love that.

Things we've done together:
-got drunk
-toad trip to Oakland
-danced in monica's apartment together
-eaten out together
-car rides together
-performances


I'm jealous of them though. They all have family and friends coming to our spring show. I've been working so hard all year for this show and I have no one to show my accomplishments to :'(
My family can't come.
My boyfriend can't come.
My floor friends said that they would be too busy to come :( I feel like they are just going to forget about me since im not living with them next year. :'( I feel like they already are. I feel like I deserve to be forgotten because I let myself get attached...

Ilove dancing and I love performing but I think the two nights I will be dancing my spring show, I will just feel like I am Dancing for no one. :(

Catie

I am SO angry that she did this. Its overwhelming. I feel like I could punch a cliff and make it shatter. I feel like I could scream loud enough to shake the world.

But

I'm so worried sick about her. I'm so worried for her well being.

She's been through so much. We've been through so much with her.

It hurts to be me...

It hurts for her to compare herself to me. It hurts me that she does this it makes me want to be a bad person so that she cam feel better about herself.

She is such a good person but she is so self destructive. She is so emotional. She is so impulsive.

It cuts me on the inside that she suffers so much.

I've prayed to God to let bad things happen to me, to trade for some happiness and well being for her. Just let everything happen to me. Let my life crumble. Let me lose everything so that she can be happy.

I love her so much. I would do anything for her. I would trade anything. Give up anything. Go through anything so that she could live a normal happy life without being so self destructive.

Take me God. Take me...

Please take me. Let her live. Let her be happy.

I am stronger than her. I can bear it. She cannot. And I can't lose her...

I feel like I can't talk to anyone about this here. I hope she gets out next week i hope she doesnt do time. I wish I could do the time for her... I need to go home.

Thank God for Mayte
Thank God for Brandon
Thank God for Eddie

Change

Things and people are changing.

Everything is shifting.

I feel like my brain is a rubics cube and everything is shifting. It's tiring.

I can't wait to go home.

Hopes

I write this in hopes that it will help Brandon trust me more.

There is a guy that I know here. There is lots of potential there. And I wouldn't say that he has a crush on me, but I think he sees the potential there too.

Most people are not stupid and they usually sense when they have chemistry with someone or when they get along in a certain way. You avoid these people or draw a very fine line when you are in a relationship. Why? For obvious reasons. I shouldn't even have to explain these.

I can see that it would be easy for us to end up liking each other because of what we have in common and how often we are at the same place.

But I just lightly brush everything off. I tell him that I'm busy when he wants me to eat with him. I wave and say hi instead of stopping to talk to him when he sees me. I keep it light and make sure that we just don't get that opportunity for anything to grow.

I crush that potential. I don't regret it and I'm not sad because of what it could be. And I'm not being mean to him either. But this is what people do when they are in a relationship with someone else.

I love you brandon. I know that I made this very mistake with Eric. And you need to trust me when I tell you that if I thought I liked someone, I would tell you, which I did the first time. Only this time, I will stop it in its tracks. I'm very sorry for how I acted with Eric. It was inexcusable. But I did not lie to you and I did not keep anything from you and I think that is the more important part.

Even with our problems, you are still the most important to me and I will not jeopardize our relationship over anyone else while I am with you.

Bored

Wow I am actually bored for once. Hopefully Brandon will get home soon (But I hope he stays out as long as possible because I like it when he socializes. He needs it more.) or Eddie will sign on or something. But in the mean time...

Proud of myself though. :) I had a 5 page paper due today and I finished it EARLY AND I went to my TA's office hours to ask questions and I was on time to class etc. etc. Very happy about that.

I am performing at the Multicultural Festival this Saturday and Tracy and Jason and Jeff are going to go so I'm pretty excited about that :)

Also I've been writing myself. Top secret of course. There is something extremely freeing about writing without limitations. Not that I have a lot of limits here but I have some very selfish and human thoughts. :( Thoughts that I wouldn't want anyone to know. I've been addicted to writing there without limits. There I can just write down everything that I feel without holding back. I like it a lot. But I still like this too. Writing is a luxury for me.

:)

ta ta for now

Random things

I have so much to do. I can't wait for the summer. I'm at the dining hall by myself right now. I'm at the 9/10 one. I had a meeting close by and I have Veracruz practice at 6:15 so I didn't want to go all the way back to porter.

I seriously have so much to do and when I do, I just get more tired and use the excuse that I will do it after I get some good sleep.

Veracruz is gonna kick my ass. I need the workout anyway. I've been working out more. I think my legs are more toned now because of dancing so much which I didn't want because then my muscles are that much more defined and manly looking. I have abs though! They are hidden behind my fat but I can feel it. Amanda must have some crazy muscles too because she is strongggg.

There is going to be a big storm soon. It's been sprinkling and thunder for the past few hours. I feel like it's going to be full blown. I'm kind of excited except that I don't like walking around in the storm but I LOVE watching it from behind my window.

It's really beautiful here. I'm going to miss it when I go back to San Diego.

I am seriously considering starting my own face paint booth. I would make so much money... I would have to invest in my own legit paint set which I would absolutely love. I need to head down to my class now. Peace!

Dream

Dream

I had this one During a nap. 

I was sleeping in my living room on my couch when my mom started screaming. I woke up and ran down the hallway. She was in catie's room. And there was a tv on the floor connected to a game system and catie on the floor.  Only catie wasn't her normal size. She was tiny. Maybe a few inches tall and a centimeter in diameter. She was wearing bright Colored clothes too. So strange. She was passed out laying on the floor. I was obviously completely shocked. I didn't even know what to do. She looked dead. I went over and knelt beside her and carefully picked her up. I was terrified that she was dead and I started crying. 
"Catie if you're alive please say something...please move..." I said. 
Nothing happened. 
"Please catie please..." I pled. And then she twitched. She was mumbling something too but she was still unconscious. 
"You have to go save her.." my mom said. 
I don't know how I knew but I had to go into the game and save her. I don't remember how but suddenly I was in the game. I was in a crowded room. It looks like an old western bar. A lot like the bar in the pirates of the carribean actually.  There were all kinds of people.  Some were players of course. I guess you just went into the game looking like anything because when I looked down at myself I was asian. I was maybe 16 years old and I had blonde hair. I had a gun strapped to my back and I was wearing a black tank top and a green miniskirt. I felt ridiculous. I was in a corner and a very tall man walked up to me. He was maybe 6'3 and had a huge brown coat covering him. He had a gun strapped to his back too. A big one. He was wearing boots and huge glasses to protect his eyes. He was white but tan or dirty. I couldn't tell.  
And then I knew... 
It was catie.  
"Cat?!?" I said. 
He grunted and said, "Act normal and stay close to me." 
He started walking and I followed closely behind. It was very crowded and noisy. It seemed like everyone was drunk. We got to the bar and the bartender was there asking us what we wanted. 
"Two beers," he said. 
"Cat what is the point of this game? How do we get out of here..." I asked. 
I was feeling really uncomfortable. Nothing felt right. The bartender came back with the beers. They were HUGE and there was at least a few inches of foam still at the top. I noticed some guys at a table on the other side of the room staring at us. The had guns too. 
"Cat can we go... I don't like this place," I told her. 
She was still not answering any of my questions. It was bugging me now so I hit her arm. 
She didn't respond except by saying, "Nena, don't drink the beer until I tell you to." 
The guys that were staring at us got up from the table and started walking towards us. 
"Get ready," she said. I was scared. I had no idea what was going on. 
When the men were five feet away the man in the lead said, "Nice to see you again Catie." 
Instantly catie screamed, "DRINK!" and attacked him.  It turned into a crazy action movie. I drank as much as I could in two gulps and I could instantly feel it's effects. I was strong. I knew that. I could feel it. Everything slowed down too. I was fast. And my energy wad over 100%. I felt like my main goal was to get rid of this energy or my body would explode. I assumed that these men were bad since they started attacking catie and any person attacking her was not okay with me in the first place so I took them out. I kicked all of their asses without using my gun. Knocked them all out. It was crazy. Then everything was gone except for me and catie. 
"What happened??" I asked.  
"You just killed the owners of the salloon. It's your salloon now. The point of this game is to rank and own as much as possible. The more you own the more power you have. The higher the status, the more you can do" 

 Aaaand that's all I remember. Weird right? 

Random

I'm going to hate myself for staying up this late tomorrow. But I'm not tired :(

My feet are cold. I want to snuggle with Brandon. I miss him. Can't wait for the summer. I wish I could snuggle with someone EVERY night but that goes against my not living with my boyfriend until I get married policy.

I miss camping. I had dinner with ari and his girlfriend Melissa the other day and they went camping again this weekend. So jealous.

I really can't wait to travel and camp more and go skydiving. I want to try to do charity work in other countries and meet some cool new people through that. I don't want to just travel selfishly all the time. There is so much that needs to be done in this world and I should be helping out so I can kill two birds with one stone by volunteering.

I heard that there are some cool places to volunteer in brazil and Ecuador. I'm sure I could go a lot of places.

I also want to dance professionally if I can. Dream job. Sigh. I hate my body though. I would have to fix it's endless flaws before I did that ugh

Anyway. I am going to try to force myself to sleep. I shouldn't have stayed up this late but I hardly get to talk to Eddie and I miss him a lot too :( the sacrifice was worth it. 4 hours of sleep and a 15 hour work day should be fun. Yay

EXCITED

I am SOO EXCITED to work with the trace trace today. I love hanging out with kids and I'm excited to just chill with them :) Also I haven't had a chance to really hang out with tracy recently so it should be fun :)

Can't wait!!!

Miss my family and my friends

Reign Of Love

Just so everyone knows. Reign of Love is officially one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard. I could lie down for hours in the middle of no where and listen to it forever.

Amazing. Well done Chris.

Find my Parents

I was talking to Eddie the other day and he made a good point. He told me that I should try to find my parents ASAP. His reason was different than mine. I'm not sure which reason is scarier but nonetheless good reasons. His reason was because it would be harder to find them the longer I waited. Worst case scenario with that would be that I don't find them. I want to find them because I'm terrified that they have fallen ill and possibly dead. I don't know how I would take that. I think I'd rather not be able to find them instead of finding out that they are dead.

So since that night we talked about it, I've been formulating plans in my head. I need to save money of course. I'm going to save money by putting it into my mission federal account and cutting up my card. That way there is no way to spend it unless I take it out by going to the bank but that is such a hassle. It's why I switched banks in the first place, because wells Fargo is closer hahaha

So for now, my rough plan is to start saving money now so that I can try to find them next summer or Christmas break after that summer. There are pros and cons for both times obviously but I need to start planning now.

I need to find my birth parents and if I have to, I will go alone.

To Do

My dream put me in a confused mood this morning. I don't even remember what I dreamt about. I remember clouds. Lots of them. I remember purple. And I remember running. I don't remember anything else :( 

On today's to do list:
-Make up choreography for tilingo lingo 
-Write the two paragraphs for Soc 188
-Look over reading questions for Soc 188
-find out where the heck the mail room is so I can mail jungle book and eddies charger to him
-call admissions because I need my credits transferred over 
-order some books if necessary 
-work out 

I hope I get all of this done. I usually take a nap but I'm going to try to avoid that. 
Also I can FINALLY work out again. I did NOT like what the birth control pills did to my body and my period the first month and a half and so I stopped taking it and it took over two more months after that for me to have any period at all, let alone a normal one. I hated it. Never again will I take birth control pills. Nevar.  

I've been so confused and sad about a lot of things. Ive been hanging out with my dance people more too but I'm hesitant to let myself get attached. I feel like a lame ass when I get attached to people as friends. I shouldn't. But I do. Margarita is super awesome and hilarious and she is one of those clingy friends but it's really cute. Only I don't respond to her hugs too much or her 'I love you magdalena's' besides laughing. I think I'm kind of scared to getting attached to her for obvious reasons. I hang out with jose a lot too now. He is AWESOME too! We were raving about vampire weekend forever the other day. Jose, margarita, and I went to panda the other day. That was really fun. I still need to write about the party sometime because they were my homies there too when me and margarita got super drunk.

I hope that everything gets back to normal with my floor friends though. I really miss how everything used to be. I have my dance friends but I really care about my floor friends despite all of the issues we have. Sigh.
Anyway I hope it gets better because I don't really have any time to just mope around and feel sorry for myself. I have lots of homework and I work all weekend. 

Birds Can Fly? You're Crazy...

It is so extemely hard to explain why I still don't get it. I wish I could box up the feeling and give it to you. I think about it constantly. It's been over 6 months and I still cannot wrap it around my head. I re-read the things that you wrote and the letter that you sent me again and again to see if there was something I missed that would help me understand. I think about it every single day. I feel like a part of my mind is stuck in a trance.



I feel like I grew up knowing and learning that birds could not fly and then suddenly I see one. And I stop. And I am shocked beyond belief. It's flying?!? What do you mean it's flying??? It's floating in the air? And I stop and I stare at it forever. I can't believe it's flying. How is it flying??? I don't get it. I'm so confused. It's flying in the air. I've been staring at the bird since day one. Nothing can move me from staring at it until I understand why it's flying. I can't stop staring at it until all of my questions and answers make sense. I feel like I'm stuck sitting in the middle of the sidewalk staring at the flying bird until someone or something explains it to me so that I understand.



But also I am very happy for you :) you deserve to be in a happy place. I can't say that I'm not jealous but that's probably because you're my best friend. She better take care of you.

Busy Quarter

This quarter is SO MUCH BUSIER!!! I'm always busy busy.

This week I have an exam and a paper due. Plus I'm pinpointing veracruz. Plus I have practice for the spring show. Plus homework for my other class. Plus I'm working the event with Tracy this weekend SOOO excited for that.

I'm excited to just chill out and watch some kids. I like hanging out with kids :) Sometimes I feel like they understand me more than anyone else.

I need to write about the party I went to on Friday, later. It was SOO FUN!

Drinking is super fun. I feel like I should get partying out of my system while I'm still young.

We'll see what happens. Gotta go to bed because I'm basically doing homework and studying all day tomorrow.

peace

p.s. Love my mom. Happy mother's day mom <3

Ailfay

Yiyay aitedway otay oday ymay omeworkhay yuntilyay ethay astlay inutemay. Yagainyay. Yiyay eanmay, yiyay avehay yuntilyay ivefay otay oday yityay utbay tillsay. Yiyay illway orkway yonyay yityay.

Nayarit Costa

I'm performing costa for the first time today. I'm pretty excited. I'm waiting at the bus stop right now so that I can eat at Stevenson because porter doesn't put out the good breakfast food on time.

Two inconvenient things so far this morning. I let Cindy use my eye lash glue at the last performance and she didn't give it back :( I'll have to ask for it later. And I lost my braids at the last performance without noticing until now :( I remember putting them in a bag but I don't remember what happened to that bag. I looked in every inch of my dorm and couldn't find it. Blah. I have a back up braid but it's brown and it doesn't match my hair as well as the black yarn does. I will have to borrow someone else's hair net to go over it.

It's surprisingly not cold for sitting out here before 7am in the morning.

I have to do the homework that I've been procrastinating on tonight. That'll be fun.

I hate how everyone stares at me when I'm wearing this hideous make up.

I'll probably write again later when I decide to procrastinated again.

Just by the Off Chance

Just by the off chance that you guys will see this, because you've both googled me more than once.

I'm not ignoring you. You guys are doing that. Not me. Smiled at Ben in the bathroom today. Didn't do anything.

I was really hurt that you guys didn't go to my performance. I thought whatever, they made plans, they will come another time. I had told you that my performance was at 7:30 and you said that you would not be here at that time. So I was fine.

Then I got back maybe like 15-20 mins before 9 and Raymond told me that you guys had barely left.

I WAS upset. I go out of my way for guys all the freaking time. I thought I was being a good friend. I thought we were considering each other friends but apparently not :(

I didn't think asking for 3 minutes tops of your time was too much to ask for.

Whatever, Im' over it. I'm just done going out of my way for you guys. Done letting you borrow things. Done keeping my mouth shut for you guys. Done giving you things and food and paying for your birthdays.

I'm not going to ignore you. Just don't expect any of the 'friendy' things anymore.
I'm not going to value someone as a friend if they don't do the same for me.

the end

P.S. Even JOHNNY saw that I was having a bad day and bought me a smoothie from the hungry slug. I wouldn't expect you guys to do something like that.

Blinded and Weak

You are so blinded. I'm so not worth it...

You are deluded and blinded enough to think that I'm the only one that you can ever be with.

This is not true.

I can think of so many things that a girl could be that I'm not. She would make you so much happier.

How can you stand fighting like this?

Its wearing me out. I won't let this go on forever.

You don't have anything to compare me to, so how can you know that I'm the best?
How can you know that I'm the kindest or most caring?
How can you know that I'm the most pure person you know?
How can you know that I'm the most loving?
How can you know that I'm the most honest person?
How can you say that no one can compare to me when I stand alone?

I really do try to be the best girlfriend I can be, but I do not think that I am all of these...

I'm not worth the pain you go through.
Sure the pain will be fresh if we broke up. It would be a clean cut wound that would bleed and bleed.

But the bleeding would stop and you would heal.

And another girl, a girl better for you, would take care of you. And the cut I made would just be a forgotten scar.

I don't WANT to be that couple that fights all the time. Thats not me. I can't do that. I can't do that to you. I can't do that to my children.

I know you refuse to believe so, but there has to be someone that can love you for the rest of your life without fighting with you all the time. I can't be the best. You don't know that I am. And I know that I'm not.

I love you. I love you so much and I am so lucky that I found someone like you. But despite the love, we do not fit as well as we did when we started out.

Its no one's fault. Its just the way it is.

I'm just letting you know how I feel.

It needs to get resolved. I can't do this forever.

Love should not be like this. And I want you to be happy. I want you to be happy everyday, not just on a day we don't argue.

I know you don't believe me, but you are blinded.

But who am I to tell you that you are blinded when I am just as blinded myself?

I promised myself and I told you that I would not let this relationship continue if we kept arguing. I made that a deal breaker for when we got back together. I told myself to just cut it off if we started arguing again.

I keep giving it time and giving it more time. Hoping that It will fix itself. And it hasn't yet.

It's been months. I just keep hoping that we don't fight all the time. That we will have more good days if I keep trying to fix it.

7 months is enough to prove that I'm blinded myself.

We do having amazing days and you have brought so many amazing moments into my life. You have made me happier than anyone ever has and you have made me feel things that I never thought were real. You've brought me out of this world with happiness. You are so capable of having whoever you want with capabilities like this...

And as much as I love you.....and as much happiness that you bring into my life...I cannot bear the pain forever. I cannot watch you be upset. I cannot watch you worry or be hurt. I get hurt too. Seeing you hurt, hurts me. I can't let this keep happening...

That I'm weak. I'm too weak to leave you for my or your own good.

For now I'm coping. And you are too. But this can't last forever....it won't if it stays like this.

I can feel it.

NOT MY FAULT

It wasn't my fault and I wasn't going to be mean to him while he was in the middle of telling me about his horrible childhood.

I did everything civil to try to get him to go away. I tried ignoring him. I tried walking away.

I'm sorry I couldn't make him going away without being mean to him.

I didn't want to talk to him for that long either because I wasn't even talking. He did 99% of the talking. I tried. I told you that you could go when he was taking long. I'm sorry it wasn't good enough.

Be pissed off at me. :'(

Sick Again

Being sick is like being drunk. I feel like my rationality and my logic and reality are in all in separate pools. Nothing seems real. When I'm drunk It feels nice and numb and everything is funny but when I'm sick its just physical misery that makes me delusional.

I wish I could just lie on a cloud. Just lie there for years undisturbed thinking about everything.

If I could fly I would fly to the nearest cloud and do just that. I would travel the world on that thing.

Time with Brandon

I got to spend time with him too :)

It was amazing also.

He took me to see Rio! And get ice cream! It was so very sweet of him. We went to the bank and watched glee. I loved it.

I miss him a lot. It was nice that he took me out and paid for everything. I do enjoy it when he does that. It makes me feel special that he takes me out on dates and stuff. I don't let him often because he doesn't have a job and I don't want him to waste his money. But it was a nice day.

Time with my Family for Easter

I got to be with my family during Easter! It was amazing. And I missed everyone so much. I loved it. It was the usual family gathering. I love them a lot.

Eddie's Visit to Santa Cruz

I was actually ridiculously excited all week for him to come and visit me. I couldn't sleep the night before haha.
So he got here and

(hahahahahhah there was a part in the blair witch project where the little kid kept hitting his mom because he didn't want his mom to tell the scary story about the witch. So funny. He was like NO MOMMA! NO!)

So he got here and we walked to the dining hall so we could get food before my dance class but there was nothing good. No surprise. We just hung out there until my class. Chatted it up. Caught up.

Then we went to my dance class and I felt bad that he was bored for the first half because we had to split up into region time.

Then we did a run through of the Spring show. Very rough run through. And I was nervous because he was watching just like when Brandon was watching so I kept messing up D:

And I'm so GOOD at dancing :( Its something that I can be proud of being good at. And for my to mess up is just kind of humiliating but whatever. I may have a chance in the future to redeem myself. I would honestly love to dance professionally and travel around Mexico doing it. thats my dream job right there. I would also love to be a dance teacher someday. I would love it.

After dance we ate at the other dining hall and then went to Amanda's house to help her. That was surprisingly fun too though.

Then we came back to my dorm and hung out with some of my friends. Went to bed and woke up the next morning.

We WERE going to go to the mystery spot but it was sold out :( That was a bummer.

And so we went to this park and walked around there for a few hours. That was pretty cool. Santa Cruz is really beautiful.

Then we went to the boardwalk which was ALSO fun because arcade games are super fun and cheapy toys with little tickets is super fun. I spied on the face paint people and got high off of the ride we went on. Good times

Then I took him to the sushi place across from cvs cause its good stuff.

And then I made the impulsive decision to drive back down to san diego with him which was a good one I think because It was worth the trip.

We got back to san diego around 5:30 am ish. It was still fun talking to him on the way down though.

Then I got to be with my family the next day AND hang out with him again :)

I really miss hanging out with him all the time. I wish I had, had more time down in san diego too.

Onto the next postttt

Bair Witch

So I figured that it helps if I make the title of my blog AFTER I write because then I can have a general sense of what its about if I look back to it.

I was going through some old blogs and I get so vague that not even I know what I'm tlking about. and that bothers me! So I'm going to try to be more straightforward about.

I'm watching the blair witch project on hulu. I've heard that this movie kind of sucks but I've always wanted to watch it anyway. I don't have anything else to do besides homework that is due on thursday so I'd rather do this than homework.

I have so much to write about! I'm going to try to divide it into chunks so that I don't have it all just clumped up into one blog. It gets frustrating when I go back and I'm looking for something and I don't know what I'm looking for because my blog title is so freaking stupid haha.

So here goes. My writing marathon begins. I'll probably run into my 400th post somewhere in there.