Weird Bad Dream

So I know I have weird dreams but I have bad ones too. And this one was weird and bad at the same time. It felt so real and it was super depressing.

Brandon was having a huge party at this huge mansion that he owned. He didn't tell me about it but I figured that he just forgot to tell me or something. So I put on a black skirt and a button up collared white shirt. I wore my hair down and some gold necklaces and bracelets along with some heels that matched the outfit perfectly. I had a gift for some reason. I'm not sure if it was his birthday or not. So I got there and the mansion was HUGE. I knocked on the door and no one answered but I heard plenty of noise like talking people and music. I opened the door and let myself in but no one was inside the house so i followed the noise out back to his back yard. There were a lot of people there and there was music and food and the back yard was huge and beautifully decorated. I looked around trying to find Brandon. I found him across the yard. He looked happy and he was talking to his friends. He also had a drink in one of his hands. I was so shocked to see what I saw. He was holding hands with another girl. She was talking to his friends too. And she looked happy too. She was wearing a dark purple dress and a really cute purple bow in her hair. She looked a lot like me except prettier. Waaay prettier. She was shorter than me and skinnier and her hair was long and perfectly wavey. She was wearing heels that matched perfectly with her dress and bow and she was standing close to Brandon. I frowned. I didn't understand...there had to be some mistake. I started walking towards them ready to hear a good explanation for what i was seeing. As soon as I got close enough I took both their hands and tore them apart and took Brandon's hand in mine. Brandon was mine. Why was this girl holding hands with him...? I scrunched my face as I looked at her and she looked back at me shocked at what I had just done. Almost instantly Brandon turned his head to look at us and then his face turned disgusted as he saw that he was now holding my hand... He shook my hand away and took a few steps away from me. "What are you dooing??" he said. He looked like he was angry and I couldn't believe what he was saying. I took a few steps backward and then turned around and started running. I felt like i was falling apart. I felt like I was being torn from the inside out. I dropped the gift I had for him as I was running and I started sobbing. I could hear that he was running after me calling my name. Running somewhere he could see me would do no good because he would eventually catch up with me so as soon I got into the house I ran upstairs. It was such a huge house that it would take forever for him to find me. But I wanted him to find me. I wanted him to see what he had done to me. I ran two floors up into a random bedroom and then into a closet and I fell to the floor crying. I don't remember how long I sat there sobbing my eyes out. I heard someone coming and I stood up. Tears were still flowing down my cheeks and stood facing the door. My hair was so messy and my eyes were puffy from crying. Brandon knocked on the door and said, "Are you in there?" I covered my mouth and couldn't stop myself from sobbing out loud again. He opened the door. I couldn't look at him and I turned around. "I'm sorry..." he said. I didn't move. I wanted so badly to forgive him. But how could I? How could I tell him that after I had given him almost everything that I had, that it was okay that he was holding hands with another girl and when I held it he shook me off like a disease. He didn't know what it did to me. But I needed him. "Come here..." he said and he pulled me into his arms and held me. He took me to the bed in the bedroom and he laid there with me until I stopped crying. "I'm sorry" he said. I didn't feel like he meant it but I was so desperate to just keep him for myself that I forgave him. I told him that it was alright. I told him that I forgave him for doing what he did. I needed him and I was willing to do anything to keep him. We laid in the bed for awhile just staring at each other. He took my hand and led me out of the bedroom. We went to blockbuster and rented arthur and came back to the mansion. His friends were watching tv downstairs and me and Brandon went back upstairs and watched the movies until we fell asleep.

Then all of a sudden I was in the park and I got a phone call that my grama had died. I started crying again. I tried talking to people but no one seemed to care except for me. I fell on the grass and cried and cried. I kept screaming out to her like she could hear me, "Grama come back! Come back pleease! Please come back!". I cried and yelled for her for hours and woke up in my dream and rosie was there. I told her how I had a dream that our grama died and she said oh. And then I woke up for real.

These two dreams were so weird. But bad. I hate waking up feeling like I've been crying. I'm supposed to feel refreshed when I wake up. Everyone has to have their fair share of nightmares though I guess.

-mag

Weird Curtis Dream

Weird dream
So I had the weirdest dream last night. Big surprise. It was mostly about Curtis. I was at the grocery store with Sarah higgins and this random punk rock girl. And I needed cheeese. I don't know why but I needed lots of cheese. Sarah wanted some magazines and tofu. So we got in line and I had all of my assorted cheeses on the conveyer belt. The punk rocker girl was in line behind me and Sarah was in front of me. Then Curtis was suddenly a few isles down calling my name. He didn't want Sarah to know he was there so he was kinda disguised.  In my dream Sarah and Curtis were going out. Haha When Sarah wasn't looking I left my cheese on the conveyer to go talk to Curtis. He pulled me into the closest isle and he said, "I really need to talk to you...". And I said, "um okay. Sure". And he pulled me further into the isle and suddenly we were in the woods. We walked and talked about a lot of stuff for awhile. I honestly don't remember what we talked about for all that time either. He was sitting on the ground and I was looking at a tree and there was a small silence in our conversation. Then he looked at me and smiled. And I said, "What??". He didn't respond and he ran over to me and scooped me up and started running and I kept telling him to put me down but he wouldn't. He just ignored me and said, "We have to get back to the grocery store". He was still smiling and I was really annoyed that he wouldn't put me down. I said, "What are you smiling about?" Then he kissed me on the cheek and said, "Thank you for talking to me today...and thank you for letting me kiss you that night.". And I said, "Haha why?". Then he said, "Because I think I'm gay and I'm finally realizing it". And then I starTed laughing. I don't know why it was funny but everything felt right.  Then we got to the store and Sarah was still waiting in line and he let me go to her and I told her hat Curtis was gay and she said, "Oh dang...well can we have sex one more time?". And I said, "Haha go for it". And she said, "Yes!".  And she ran away to go have sex with him. Then he girl behind me said. "Is that what you're buying?" and she pointed at my cheese and I said yaaa. And then she said, "Those aren't hardcore...". She held up some removable tattoos and she said, "You should buy some of these. Want me to go get you some?". "Sureee..." I said and she ran away.  Then brandon came up behind me and hugged me and bought my cheese with me. 
The end.      

Summer Again

Summer is over....again...it sucks I know. Marissa left yesterday and Caitlin is leaving on thursday but I saw her for the last time today. I'm really going to miss them but we had a lot of good times this summer. I will never have best friends like Caitlin and Marissa and I hope we will stay friends until we're old and wrinkly.

I went camping with brandon this last weekend at El Capitan state beach. We got a tent alone and all to ourselves. Waking up to him pulling me closer and being in his arms when i woke up was truly amazing. I look the nastiest in the morning and he still acted like i was truly beautiful and still kissed me regardless of my morning breath. The back window of our tent overlooked the ocean and we could hear the waves from where we were. We went bike riding and walked on the beach and played cards. We also looked at the stars and played with some glow sticks and went on a few walks. It was an amazing weekend.

Tonight I went to the beach for a bonfire with Caitlin and some of her friends. The two guys that were already there were sooo higghh. But it was seriously extremely entertaining to interact with them. Before we went to the beach we got some frozen yogurt and I forced her to let me pay haha it was funny.

I started school last week and its pretty boring =) Exciting right? I started running and my abs are soo sore hahah

I'm going to try and get out more. I don't like being stuck at home. blech. Wish me luck =)

-mag

Just a Few Things

This weekend was pretty good. The summer over all has been good too. Unbelievably its ending within the next week. Not a weekend went by where I didn't go out and do something with my friends. I really enjoyed it. This last friday Catie, Raf, and me went over to eddie's house to watch a movie. The movie was reeeaaally good but it was super creepy. Still good though. Then Saturday ahhh. There are a few things that I want to mention about saturday. I'll start with the bad and then go to the good.

Yes on a perfect day with Brandon something bad happened. It made me sooooo angrryyy. I didn't know what to do. It was driving me nuts! So i was in the the fast lane on my way home and the guy in the fast lane was going 70ish. I got close but i DIDN"T tailgate. I swear i didn't tailgate. And there were cars behind me that wanted to go over 70 too so i flicked my brights at him. And what did he do? HE WENT SLOWER. That made me sooo angry. And the guy in the lane next to me blockaded me in. I couldn't believe it...sooo I had to slow down to like freaking 60 to get out of that lane and i went two lanes to the right to go around these guys which prolly made the people behind me mad too. AND THENN as i was speeding up to get around these guys or to at least go faster in THAT lane, THEY SPEED UP TOO. Both of the stupid cars sped up to match my speed. I was going 85 before they finally gave up. WHAT ASSSHOLESSS GRRRR. It was driving me nutsss. Why would they be so mean? What did i ever do to them? Thats the only bad thing that happened that day.

So anyway, I spent the day with brandon. It was very nice. We watched some movies and then WENT to the movies and had lunch and then went in his pool. We were so tired by the end and we both fell asleep for like an hour. Then we had dinner and I went home. A very good day. A very good day indeed.

Also on my way home i discovered something that my iphone does that made me laugh. I seriously was laughing....and i was by myself. I feel like a bit of a hysteric when I laugh to myself alone but i couldn't help it. As i was going along i really wanted to know how much more I had to drive to get home. I knew that my iphone has the maps app so I got it out and tapped it. I figured if it got to complicated that i would just not deal with it because its super dangerous to try and type stuff on my iphone and drive at the same time. But get this!! when i started to type my address it already had it saved. yay! It saved me having to worry about typing my address. And THEN it took my current location. And THEN it put a little blue dot where i was and the little blue dot was moving....it was ME! The little blue dot was me moving along the freeway. It even had the names of the exits that i past and the freeways that criss crossed with the 5. It was amazing. I started laughing. I was watching myself move along a freeway. And I could zoom in and out as much as i wanted. I zoomed out to the point where I could see my address on the map. It had a red dot indicating that it was my destination. I love my iphone. Thank you apple and thank you maps for I will always know where I am as long as I have my iphone. =)

In the morning on my way up to LA i was driving through a part of the freeway where there isn't much. Mostly yellow grass and dirty looking mountains to look at. But the sky was BEAUTIFUL. Oh it was just beautiful....I felt like i was in a postcard. It looked like a bright water color pastel shade of light blue. It was amazing. And it reflected off of every car that was driving around. It made me smile. Pretty places do that to me a lot, but this one was just amazing. And then I felt guilty because I don't appreciate was God has created for us all the time. Most days we just pass everything by...I promised myself that I would try to notice more. Things so lovely shouldn't be passed by without appreciation.


So there you go. I was sick this last week and i think its almost over and this is it for now. Over and out

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