Dream

This one was kind of weird. I had to get to the other side of this weird island. I had several tasks on the way.

It was BEAUTIFUL though. The water was perfectly clear and a bright blue. My first task was to swing from reeds going from tree to tree. It was horrifying. I made it though.

My second task was my favorite. I swam under water. All I wore was some denim shorts and a white v-neck. The water was amazing and I could see perfectly clearly with my eyes open. I could have stayed there for hours. I had to swim to a crate and open it so that the fish could eat the food. They were tropical fish of all kinds and they followed me to the wooden crate. It took me a few hours to figure it out but I got it open and the food poured out and the fish ate it. They were so colorful and it was so easy to see them in the clear water. I watched the for awhile. It was so beautiful. It looked like a mini planet of color swaying in the water. So pretty....

My second task was to swim past sting rays. Horrifying but I did it. I cried a few times and almost got stung.

My last task was to successfully attack a tiger. BUT! The tiger was just a person dressed in a tiger suit so i was all good. And I finished everything.

Very interesting dream.
One of the pictures is what the water and the weather looked like except that the jungle was bigger on the island.

The other to is so you can kind of imagine what I saw when the fish were eating the food. If that coral reef was food and a BUNCH of colorful fish were nipping at it at the same time, it would look like a colorful ball. A colorful mini planet. Thats what I saw.

Dream

This one first because the other one is way weird.

So I had a dream about Chris corner. Swoon.

Just so you know. There's a disturbing part of this dream. Just a warning. I think it says something about my depiction of him but only God and my subconscious know.

I went to the concert with Brandon. He was wearing a tie haha I don't know why. So Chris was on stage and on stage with him was a girl. She didn't know why she was there. She looked confused too. Then Chris took the microphone and spoke. "This girl has committed a crime. She knows what she did. Don't you?" And he looked over at her. She looked scared and confused still.

Then he spoke again, "Why don't you tell everyone what you did?" He walked around her slowly as he spoke. "Tell them." Then he yelled at her, "TELL THEM!" She looked like she was about to cry.

"Her husband is here to witness her crime." A spotlight went and focused in on her husband in the crowd. He looked even more confused.

Then Chris walked to the opposite side of the stage and put his hand out in the shape of a C and started to raise his hand high. As he rose his hand she rose off of the stage by her neck like she was being suffocated. She flailed in the air and started to sob. Chris sounded very angry, "TELL THEM WHAT YOU DID!" She looked like she was about to pass out and then he let her go. She fell to the ground and started coughing violently to catch her breathe.

"She won't tell you, so I will show you. Then facing the crowd he put his fist on his heart and opened his hand with his palm facing him. Then he moved it in a half circle movement over his head and pictures appeared. Graphic pictures of her cheating on her husband several times. The pictures were blown up and floating in mid air for everyone to see. Her husband looked horrified.

Then Chris looked at him sincerely and said, "She's being disloyal to you."

Then he waved his hand again and the pictures dissolved into sand in midair and disappeared. The girl was sobbing and the lights went out.

Intermission.

After intermission he put on his show and it was amazing. Song after song I was just so amazed. Then out of no where he pointed at me and brought me on stage and I sang with him. It was so wonderful. Then after the show there was a reception in a huge park. I was with Brandon drinking punch and eating food and in the far corner of the park there was a tree. It was dead and it was night time. There were lots of shadows and Chris was leaning against the tree staring at me. He waved at me to come over and I went over and we talked all night.

Amazing.

Weird but amazing.

Untouched

I feel sick to my stomach. Brandon saw Bivian at church this morning. When he saw her he had this pained look on his face. I asked him what was wrong and he said nothing. Later he told me it was because he saw her, he freaked out.

Stab. Despair...

I've seen this girl. I can't compete with her. She's gorgeous...she's really pretty.... Clear skin. Skinny. Nice hair. Pretty face. Everything I don't have. Everything I'm not. I feel like a rock next to a diamond. A shrub next to a rose. A tool shed next to a mansion....

This girl that had an impact on Brandon. Touched him so that she would forever affect him.... My Brandon...

For over two years, I've given him everything I have. Everything. All of the love that I can possible exude. I've failed to keep him happy in more than one occasion.

The night I gave him my body, I failed to make his heart dance...

When he said it, I thought he didn't want me anymore. That I had no affect on him anymore. I felt like my touch was worthless that night. I failed...

Pain...

I tried harder. I do everything I can.

And this girl....all she needed was for him to get one look at her....

Just one. And he was affected.

I have to break through to him with what felt like cement walls and she went through like it was wet Tissue paper...

Pain. Hurt. I just want to be unconscious right now. I try not to compare myself to others...

But I'm only human

Unfortunately right now I'm human. Painfully human




Everything is in agony right now. Inside and out. It's clouding everything. I can only hope to suppress it long enough to fall asleep

ROTTEN Start

So Tuesday's skating event was soooooo funnnnnnnnn!! I haven't skated in foreverrr! Its so something I would do again. It was 12 dollars for everything totally worth it.

I really missed my zoo crew a lot. I LOVED Seeing jen's face and sarah's face and hanging out with everyone. AND!!! dun dun dun. I got to see MARCUS! He was my lunch buddy last summer. He is hilariousss. I skated with him half the time and helped jen half the time because she could hardly stay on her feet. Marcus got a new business card for his art which he kindly gave to me. It looks really cool! Its easy to open up to that kid too. We talked about some deep stuff. It was very interesting. His girlfriend cheated on him and I didn't mind listening. He surprisingly remembered a lot of the drama I had last summer and asked about that. Anyway, it was nice to see him. Even though I probably won't see him again. He's going to Korea this summer to do caracatures over there. Great opportunity.

I REALLY missed Jen's face too. She CRACKS me up. Love her. I really really missed everyone.

I spent wednesday with Brandon which was AWESOME! We went to some stores to get some stuff I needed and he bought me lunch and ice cream :D He let me clean his room which I had a lot of fun doing. I really had a good time. I like cleaning. We also watched glee. We killed 5 episodes from the first season because I haven't watched the first season. I started watching glee in the second season. And I owed him for something that I forget and I promised him that I would play world of warcraft with him. So we did that for a few hours. And surprisingly it was kind of fun. I remembered a little bit from playing with Tom. I kinda had fun playing with him too even thought i'm not that good at it.

And then today! As I was driving back from LA Jason calls me wondering where I am and I'm a bumbling idiot and had work today but I didn't see it on the schedule because I wasn't looking close enough. GUH! So that was bad. And I have a parking ticket from parking on the wrong side of the street at Brandon's house so that sucks too. Whatevsss. I didn't let the rotten start ruin my day. I worked with Jen. GOOD TIMES! Fun times. And then I came home and ate and knocked out from my lack of sleep. And then I woke up and hung out with Mayte and Eddie!!! I missed those kids a lot too. I can't wait to see them again tomorrow.

Anywho. I'm not tired yet. I will have to find something to kill time. BYE!!!

The Week is Gone

So I'm at the laundry Matt with catie and junior. We had a lot of stuff that needed to be washed and out dryer is being stupid. I figured it would be a good time to blog it up a bit I guess. I barely got here and my week is already gone!!!
Thursday: woke up and showered and got all dressed up for my love. Ate with my gang and then around 6 I hit the road with Michael, Raymond, and Ben. The ride down was good. Michael and Raymond slept basically the whole time and ben and I talked most of the way. Ben is a pretty interesting dude. We had some good conversation. After I took them home I drove to brandons house and spent the night and day with him.

Friday: we woke up and had some nice alone time and watched some movies. And he took me out for sushi!!!! :D I loved it. It was so yummy. He's amazing enough that he knew I wanted sushi and took me out for some. He spent the rest of the time we were in the mall trying to buy me things. So cute... Love him.

Saturday: I had driven down to San Diego the night before after my day with Brandon. Then I woke up and worked!!! It was awesome. I had a lot of fun. I made about 550 bucks in facepaint and about 100 bucks for myself :D on my way to my iPad. Then after that I hung out with Raf. Good times :) we watched a movie and caught up. I miss that kid. After that I spent time with my family. I missed them too.

Sunday: I went to Esthela's house and spent some quality time with her ane catie and dominic. Junior came too haha. Then after that we went to church and after church we went to the mall with Mayte. It was fun! I missed some serious girl talk. Hung out with Mayte for awhile and then took her home cause she had work the next day.

Monday: today. Worked today. Made 50 bucks for myself!! :D yes! Then I went to Baja Bettys with Jason and got super buzzed/kinda drunk off of one margarita. The food was so good! Then I took a nap in my car and got the buzz to go away before I went home. Then I took a nap and now we are at the laundry Matt.

I'll keep these brief since they haven't happened yet.
Tuesday: Work Caitlin skating party with my awesome co workers.
Wednesday: Brandon
Thursday: visit my peeps at western hose and gasket and I actually have free time after that but im sure someone will want to hang out.
Friday: work kitten Mayte and Eddie. I need to do something for her birthday so this would be the time. We'll see what'll happen.
Saturday: work drive up to LA.
Sunday: pick up the kids and head back to Santa Cruz.

It's Monday and my spring break is over!

Dying

I know I'm sure
I want to be with you
If you run
Then I'll run
If you crawl
I'll pick you up

Just don't go without me.
I need you
I love you

I'd walk with a thousand splinters in my feet
just to follow you.

We're all dying.
I want to die with you

Sick Brian

So I'm in the ER. Brian is getting X-rays while I wait in his room for him to come back. They made me wear a mask. Even though I've already been exposed. But I understand why so I didn't argue. He can't even finish his finals poor thing. I'm done with everything so I'm just gonna hang out here until he's done. He needs a ride back to school eventually.

I grabbed a magazine from the lobby before I came in. Elle first haha :) hopefully I won't get bored out of my brains and they figure out what's wrong with Brian so he can get better.

Peace

Matthew Bellamy Dream

Oh Matthew! How you make me swoon...

I dreamt of you last night. We sang together. The sun was setting and I was walking on a roof of a building. The roof was a maze.

Undisclosed desires started to play in my head. Just naturally. As it started to play, I traced my hands along the wall and closed my eyes.I started to sing. Everything was in slow motion. I got to the end of a wall and you were there in all your glory. You were wearing a black jacket and a white v-neck and black pants. Your hair was black and messy. I barely knew it was you until you started to follow me and sang with me. I stopped and turned around shocked. You smiled and egged me on to keep singing so I did. I was always 5 feet ahead of you and you kept following while we sang together and as the song ended you grabbed my hand and we stood at the edge of the roof.

It was amazing. I miss you already!

My Wedding

I had a terrible dream last night. I woke up feeling like I had been crying for hours on end. My heart felt like a bruised pear that had gotten thrown into the street and run over several times. Everything was aching. Horrid way to wake up.

It was my wedding day. Everything was perfect. I was nervously waiting in the room I finished getting ready in at the back of the church. I was sitting on a foot rest staring into the full length mirror in front of me. I looked pretty for once. I looked the way I wanted to look. My hair was curled and carefully pinned up to my veil that laid over my back and my bare shoulders. There were little flowers In my curls too. My face was clear. I had none of my extra weight anymore, making my collar bone more prominent and my figure more defined. My dress was so perfect. It was simple. All white. No straps. It was lined at the bottom with lace. It was more traditional looking than most dresses. I hardly needed any makeup to cover anything. I just had on a little. My huge hands looked delicate for once with their nails done. No ring on my finger yet...

Something was taking too long. I didn't check the time. Minutes and minutes passed and I couldn't stop fidgeting. A huge lump was forming in my chest and in my throat. Then the amount of time was too much. There was something wrong. I picked up my bouquet of flowers and walked out of the room.

Everyone in the church was whispering. I walked down the aisle and up onto the altar. Everyone I loved was here. Except 2. One more key to me on this day. I turned to my mother in the first pew. "What time is it?" I asked her. Her face was morose and sad. Nothing compared to how I would be later. "it's 11:45..." she said quietly.
I stopped breathing for a few seconds. Brandon wasn't going to come. I ran down the isle leaving my flowers on the floor of the altar. I ran out of the church and to my apartment. I tore off my dress and shoved it into the corner. I ripped out my veil from my hair. It hurt. I didn't care. As I started to rip out the individual flowers from my curls I started sobbing. I needed to talk to someone. I needed to get away. I changed my shoes and put on jeans and a Tshirt. I called Eddie. No answer. I grabbed my bag and my keys. I would have to go somewhere. I can't stay here, I kept thinking to myself. When I opened the door to go to my car there was Eddie. He looked relaxed and was eating a sandwich. I regained myself so that I could talk without choking on the air. What was he doing here? He didn't answer my phone calls and he didn't bother to show up at my wedding obviously.
"I called you.." I said. My voice was was already sounding weary.
"I know" he responded. He was still chewing on the sandwhich that he was eating. "Do you still have my chip?"
"Oh uhm ya." I said. I pulled out my camera and took the chip out. As soon as I dropped it into his hand he just turned around and left. That was it then. I started sobbing again running to my car. I couldn't drive because i couldn't see anything through my tears. Then I just started running. I ran until I physically could not run anymore. Until my lungs would not let me go any further.
I was in front of a huge building. I ran up the stairs and went out onto the roof. I sat at the edge and rolled over onto my side. I let my pain have me. I started shaking and sobbing uncontrollably. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. I was all pain. I thought that I was going to rip open from all of my pain.
Hours later my body was too weary to continue the shaking and the sobbing. I laid limp. My eyes barely open. I felt barely conscious. I didn't care if I stayed there forever. I didn't care if I died there. I heard a door open and then some footsteps. The footsteps got closer. I didn't look up to see who it was.
"Love?" he said. It was Brandon. How did he find me here? What else could he possibly want... My eyes bolted open and I crawled away from him and sat curled up with my hands wrapped around my knees.
He came and sat down next to me. He put his hand on my shoulder.
I immediately cringed away. "Don't," I told him.
He put his hand down.
"I'm sorry" he said. How could he say that? This was not the first time he has done this to me.
I closed my eyes and tried not to think about anything. The sun was setting and it started to get dark. I don't remember how long we were sitting there.

Then I woke up. This dream is the result of lack of contact I have with Eddie and the huge fight I had with Brandon last night I'm sure. It was horrible though. So much pain.

HARK?!

"HARK!"
I proclaimed my presence and their attention loud enough so that I did not have to repeat myself. Everyone in the room became completely silent. Enough so that I could hear the birds chirping outside of the church. The glares and united gaze I was getting from everyone weakened my posture. I could not get weak at this moment. I must be strong. I straightened up a bit more to show them I was not afraid. So much so that it looked like I was leaning back almost from pushing my chest out too far. Don't over do it, I thought to myself. The minister let his glasses fall to his nose and peered at me over them. The bride, my lovely, turned around to face me wide eyed and shocked. The groom turned around looking so angry that he might burst. His face was more red than a tomato. He looked too angry to speak.I took in a great puff of air to make my chest look larger as I spoke. I was not sure how to approach it....I should have written some lines beforehand.

I began, "You there!" He was already looking at me. I'm so lucky, I thought to myself, If looks could kill I would be done for already. I spoke again, "I cannot allow you to marry her!"
The groom stiffened and took the three steps off the altar towards me. Don't panic...don't panic...I thought to myself. It seemed like he was getting larger, the closer he got. I did not move and suddenly his face was inches away from mine.

He towered over me and boomed in my face, "HOW DARE YOU! I COMMAND YOU TO LEAVE AT ONCE!" Then he made this sputtering noise as if he were growling but he was spitting instead. Like a teapot...how odd. It was getting all over my face. Disgusting. I did not anticipate this.
"Do you MIND?" I said to him. "That was disgusting." I took a step back wiping my face with the back of my sleeve. I heard a giggle come from the altar and we both snapped our heads too look at Cecilia. "You think this is funny??" I called over. She blushed and giggled again and used her bouquet to cover her face. I rolled my eyes. She's so Cecilia And she was mine. And I was here to claim her. I looked back to my opponent.
He glared at me and spoke once again, "Leave!"
Right before I could respond, Cici could not control her giggle fit and she fell onto her knees. It made my response sound weak, "No? I mean No! I am not leaving without her. Her heart belongs to me."
"But she belongs to me" he huffed.
Sigh. I did not come here to bicker with this man. I came to rightfully claim what is mine.
"Well I'm sorry for the misunderstanding, but I will be taking her now and leaving. I highly suggest that you do not try to stop me." I walked past him and up the altar next to Cecilia.
"Would you stop giggling," I hissed at her only loud enough that she could hear, "I'm trying to do this romantically. I could have just grabbed you and left without any cheesy proclamation."
She stood up straightening her dress out, "Okay okay I'm sorry. Let's just go. Thank you for trying to be romantic." She got on her tippy toes and kissed my forehead. She took my hand and we started down the aisle to leave.

And then out of no where he struck me in the back of my head. "Owwwwww" I rubbed the back of my head. I was going to have a large bump there in the morning. "That hurt." I turned around and he was ready to strike me again.

Then Cecilia stepped in between he and I. "Don't you dare lay a finger on him." She sounded absolutely livid.
His face was priceless. He was shocked that she was speaking to him this way. I couldn't help but laugh. Then he looked angry.
"Get out of my way Cecilia." he said.
"No," she said. "Joseph, my necklace please."
I guess me being the one to save her was out of the question at this point. I sighed and handed her, her necklace. She put it on and glared at him, "Apologize. Now"

Then it was his turn to laugh. He fell onto his knees laughing and the church rang with his booming laughter.
I smirked. She was not going to be happy with this response. "Oh now you've done it." I said. I took a seat in the pew knowing that she would want her way with him now that she had her necklace. Too bad I didn't have any popcorn. She started to take her earrings off and handed them to me. "Is this going to take long?" I asked.
"Give me five minutes sweetheart..." she responded. Mmm she looked so lovely. Her skin was a flushed peach. It looked amazing. Her lips were puckered with annoyance at her ex-groom rolling on the floor laughing which only made her look that much more adorable. Her hair was curled for the occasion and her dress outlined her figure nicely.
"You look amazing by the way..." I said quite frankly awed by her beauty. She turned and smiled at me. "Thanks love. Five minutes." She turned back to the groom and picked him up by his collar standing him up right.
"Apologize or I will make you apologize." she said. Shock returned to his face because she had set him standing up straight when it was clear that he looked physically more capable. He was three times her size. He remained silent.
Then Cecilia picked him up by the collar and rose off the ground. Then he looked completely afraid. "NOW are you going to apologize?" she said. They were maybe 20 feet off the ground.
He was waving his arms and legs like a child. "PUT ME DOWN! PUT ME DOWN!" Everyone in the congregation started gasping. Some started to leave and some were too shocked to move so they just kept watching. The old man next to me looked like he had stopped breathing.
"Cecilia, sweetheart, you're scaring the poor people!" I said.
"I'm not going anywhere until he apologizes to you." she responded. She came lower to the ground until she was maybe 5 feet from the ground and dropped him. He started to crawl away but she caught him by the ankle and rose high into the air again. She started shaking him like a child throwing a tantrum. "Apologize NOW!" she demanded.
He started yelling again, red in the face from being shaken by his ankle, "STOP STOP!! PUT ME DOWN!!! STOP SHAKING ME! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! PUT ME DOWN!!" he yelled.
"Thank you." She said and dropped him from about 5 feet off the ground again and then grounded herself. He stumbled to his feet and bolted out the door. "We can go now love," she said to me in a loving tone. She trotted over to me holding her dress up so that she would not trip. I stood up to meet her halfway and swept her off of her feet cradling her in my arms. She smiled and it made me smile. There were still a few people lingering in the church so I waited until I flew outside with her to kiss her.
"Thank you for taking care of my bully." I told her as I flew out of the church and we glided over some trees.
"Anytime" she said."You'll have to work on your dialogue for next time."
I grimaced,"There won't be a next time. I won't let it go that far next time. Just keep better track of your necklace for me."
"Okay okay. I'm sorry. I love you." she said.
"I love you too."

Smart Cover

Curse you consumerism :(

I know I know

I know I'm procrastinating on doing my hw but this is for those secretive people that are reading my blog.

I know you're out there. I'm already at 25 page views today. WHO ARE YOU? I'm just wondering. And it would be cool if I could read your blogs too. I like reading! I want to see...

Don't be afraid haha

So I'm going to do my hw and hope that you secret readers will reveal yourselves...

Glorious

I can't explain to anyone how amazing this song is. When I listen to it with my eyes closed, I go to a different place. Its hard to come back when the song is over.

My fav part: "Faith, it drives me away
But it turns me on
Like a strangers love"


Rose-tinted view
And satellites that compromise the truth
But I wanted more
With the cuts and the bruises
Touch my face
A hopeless embrace

Faith, it drives me away
But it turns me on
Like a strangers love
It rockets through the universe
It fuels the lies, it feeds the curse
And we too could be
Glorious

I need to believe
But I still want more
With the cuts and the bruises
Don't close the door
On what you adore

Faith, it drives me away
But it turns me on
Like a strangers love
It rockets through the universe
It fuels the lies, it feeds the curse
and we too could be
Glorious

Water Balloon Dream

Do not pick up Breaking Dawn before I finish my essays...gah even though bella just found out she's preggo.

I had a dream that I was at a camp. I was at a camp with children. Maybe around 10 years old. Most of them were children anyway. We were at war though. The camp. Against each other. I think it was just play war, but thus it was war. We all had water balloon guns. Strange no? They were HUGE and clear and you could load water balloons into them and they would shoot out the front. It was red water balloons against green water balloons. I was on the red team. Sad. Anyway. I had to act as bait but I was terrified. I walked out into the basketball court and just stood there with my gun. I was scared because I knew it would hurt. It wasn't fun to get hit with water balloons. It hurt extra in the dream. And then it happened. The other team ran out to claim me. They surrounded me and started shooting. I didn't even try to fight back. All I did was hold my arms up hoping that it would lessen the pain. It didn't. I fell to the ground. They kept shooting at me. There had to be at least 15 people all shooting at me at the same time. It was so painful...Where was my team? Why had they just left me there? I had been abandoned. They still wouldn't stop so I started screaming, "STOP! STOP! PLEASE STOP!". I just kept screaming until they slowed to a stop. I was crying out in so much pain. I didn't dare open my eyes. I rolled onto my side writhing in agony. It felt like acid was burning my skin. I just kept crying and screaming. "Are you happy now? You got me!".

It was horrible.... What the hell does this dream mean!?!?

Sacrifice

I want to have my own life. Very selfish of me I know but I do want to have a life of my own. I don't want to be self absorbed in it though. I want to help people too. I want to do my part in giving back. I think that last noble thing I did was feed the homeless two months ago. Sigh. I become so disappointed with myself when I see how little I contribute to the community. I miss beig a girl scout leader :( helping those girls got really stressful but at least I was doing something.
I don't want to BE one of those people. I don't want to be that person that does enough for them to get by. I don't want to just have a job and go on vacations and take care of my children. I want actually do something.
It's the reason I want to be a teacher. I hope that I can change lives and help kids. I want that to be my way of giving back. Until then I haven't been doing anything ugh. I've been selfishly doing just what I want to do. I need to get out there and help more people.

And thus my Lenten sacrifice was born. One helpful act towards others per week. Not something whimpy either. It needs to be something good. I need to start looking into that since today is ash Wednesday.
I'm starving by the way D; I hate fasting. It does make you think I suppose. I'm not going to eat until after church because if I eat before then, I'll just get hungry before then. I can do it!

Augustine

Mmmmmmm

Ivonne

This is why I freaking love Ivonne Garcia

Sick haze

Everything is so hazey. My head is still throbbing. I feel sick. My nose and my chest are killing me. I still feel as hot as an oven. I hope this doesnt' last long. I think it would feel better to be unconscious or dead. I feel like i'm going to pass out

Sick AGAIN

I have the weakest immune system ever :'( And now I'm sick again. We went to the mystery spot this morning. It was really cool. The sickness didn't really start to escalate until after we got food. When we were walking around downtown it got really bad. My head is THROBBING. I feel like its struggling to have room for itself inside my poor skull. In result I feel like its trying to push my eyes out of my head. As a result of THAT, I can't look anywhere but straight ahead. If I try to look to the side with my head straight, I get really sharp pains. My nose is running and I'm sneezing constantly and my throat hurts.

I am definitely not going to dance. I need to sleep this off. I've got time. Ugh but its time I could be talking to Brandon :'( I feel so horrid right now though.....

I'm going to upload pictures and talk to brandon for a bit and when marina and johnny leave to go wherever they are going, I'm going to take a nap.

NOTE TO SELF

Write about my dance friends. I don't know how I've gone so long without talking about my friends from dance. bam

My Love...

This is for you hun. I'm so sorry that we haven't gotten much time recently :( I call you when I can and we got to talk briefly today but not long enough....

I miss you horribly :( I feel like we've been apart for months. I can't wait to see you again though! I have stuff I want to do with you :) A lot of stuff! FOR EXAMPLE!!

I would like to walk in a park with you and pick some flowers. That would just be lovely. Maybe a picnic!

I would like to go to nickel nickel and play nickel arcade games with you :)

I would like to have a glee marathon because I have not seen the first season.

I would like to try out some intense PDA in public. (Nothing skanky of course) Woop woop!

I would like to just stare at you for awhile..... you would think its creeper if I wasn't your girlfriend haha But I like looking at you.

I would like to cook something with your nana. Hopefully the rice crispies yummm.

I would like to snuggle of course. I never get tired of snuggling. Never.

I would like to go to that dang aquarium with you. It was so busy that one day we tried to go :( I want to try again.

I would like to play Wii darts and brawl again! Maybe mario party 50 turns! hahahah

I would like to kiss you of course. Always a given.

I would like to go visit eddie and the cat poor thing. Hopefully sign his cast.

I would like to go to the dollar store with you. Looking around in there is fun while I'm with you. You get excited over the cutest things...


Thats a good list right there although it could be endless :) I love you more than anything. I'm so blessed to have you. You're wonderful and romantic (extra romantic recently, which I thank you very much for because I'm a mush mush like you). I miss you my sweetness and I can't wait to get my hands on you. Not much longer until I go home <3

Love love your girlfriend magdalena <3

BEAT AGAIN

So beat. Again. I've been so busy! I only got 5 hours of performing and I've been dancing literally all day. Practice then performance then practice then performance. Then I hung out with my gang while I talked to mostly tracy and waited for food. She made food for us :D Then I took a shower and now I'm in my room finally. I have LOTS of pictures. Way too excited for that. I am thinking about ditching dance tomorrow because I've been dancing for hours at a time for the last 5 days straight.

I love my friends. I'm actually really glad that I was held back a quarter because then I wouldn't have ended up with the kids on this floor. We are all going to the mystery spot tomorrow and then lunch. I'm really excited because we haven't really hung out off campus yet. So tired. I don't even know how I lasted this long. Marina and Johnny are watching a movie on his laptop and I'm in my bunk typing this before I go to bed. I think I got sick again :( I'm so frustrated that I always get sick. And now I live in a house with like a million people and the germs are practically unavoidable. BLAH!

Mini-Bloh PDA

For reals mini. Cause I'm so beat. I didnt even bother fixing the typo in the title Watched two movies back to back with my gang. Toy story 3 and mt family wedding. Good times good times. I have to wake up at 10 and it's 4. Can't wait. Gah.

I miss my love. I wanna cuddle with him and be in his arms. It makes me feel sickly when I see other couples having moments knowing that I'm away from him. I hate it. Unless there are family or friends around, I'm all for PDA. I mean not like making out or having sex. But I don't care when I'm with him. I have to compose and behave myself in front of my friends and family. If it weren't for being decent and civilized, I'd keep my arms glued around his waist and face constantly nuzzled into his neck. I'd kiss his neck and his face and ears all the time. I'd constantly be staring at him and smiling at him. Sigh. I need to stop. I feel my chest swelling up...

Zero Ben

So something hit me the other day. I had dinner with Ivonne the other night and we were talking about the people I hang out with and I mentioned Ben and she says, "Ohh Ben is really quiet." And I said, "What really?" And she said, "Ya he like never says anything!."

And then it dawned on me. He IS quiet. I don't know why I hadn't noticed until this week. The obvious reason is because he is in the group of people that I hang out with. I have been noticing this now. I mean he never stops talking when we hang out with him, but if there are other people from the floor he usually just sits back and listens. Interesting... I mean I just had lunch with him and he didn't stop talking even for a few seconds. I feel like he is Zero from holes. He has a lot of things to say but he doesn't tell everyone what he is thinking? He saves it for the 5 of us I guess. I feel like an idiot for not noticing before. The group consists of: Tracy, me, Brian, Ben, and Jeff. The five of us usually do everything together. Ting sometimes but Brian doesn't really like Ting. And Raymond sometimes but Raymond and Ben are having issues.

So usually its the 5 of us and we have a pretty good time. We are planning on living together next fall. Hopefully that all works out.

So its a pretty quiet day today. I have dance at 5 but until then I'm going to read. I started Eclipse while I did laundry with Ralph and I got to page 106. 106 pages in an hour and forty mins. Not bad eh? I want to try to get a good chunk out of it right now.

peace :)

Mini-Blog 8 am

So I think early morning classes were made by the devil. Once a week I suffer having to roll out of bed at 7:50 and walk over to college eight for my world society section. So horrible.

But! Today I got there and there was one guy and that's it. And I asked him if there was class cause he'd be in it right? And he said no one was there. And then he said that someone else said that he was sick. YAY!! So I chatted to him for a min and then I walked back to my dorm. And now I'm in my comfy bed. I'm so happy that I get to go back to sleep. I can't believe I used to wake up at 6:30 in the morning when I had to go to school at SWC. Crazy! I don't know how I did it. Or better yet: how did I get up at 5:30 when I went to school at OLP?? Insane I tell you!

I'm prolly so beat because we watched jersey shore last night until 2. X:

Anyway. Mini blog done. Going back to sleep. And I think I might be getting sick :'( which sucks because I'm performing twice tomorrow and me and my friends are going to the mystery spot on Sunday. Guh

Night night

Mini-Blog Human

This app makes it super easy to miniblog. Love it. I really like writing too. I could fill a book a day I think if I tried. Just with thoughts. Of course I wouldnt reveal every thought I had. I'm too much of a selfish human to do that. Every time I think up something that I would be horrified if someone else heard, I shudder. And then I feel guilty for thinking about it in the first place.
So hard to be purely selfless and not get frustrated with others...which is a sad excuse because I'm sure people get frustrated just as much with me...
I wish I could be perfect. Bring only positivity to peoples lives and nothing negative. I figured out that this is next to impossible however. Even if I could be in the same library as perfect, that would be nice. I think that Sarah Kalb is the closest thing to perfect as far as people go. She is such a saintly sweetheart. I can't even imagine anyone not liking her.

I kind of want to introduce Brandon to her. She would not judge. I feel like that's not much to ask for but it happens. Even an expression lasting as short as one second could do damage.

On another note. I watch people too much. When I over hear other peoples conversations most of the time I roll my eyes at the triviality of the subject. Which I hate thinking or doing. I'm not in anyway much different or superior to them in any way. I too am guilty of trivial jobber jabber of all kinds. I think it's the human interaction protocol. I can't control it. But it inspires me somehow...To be different. I hate being unoriginal. Not to the point where I wear ridiculous clothing on purpose or proclaim strange things in public. But I don't WANT to be like everyone else. I want to see more. I want to be more. Sometimes I don't even want to be human. Being an animal might be kind of interesting I suppose but emotion and self-realization are too limited. I want to be able to think for myself. So frustrating.

Sometimes I feel like I can watch people from the outside. But I know that somewhere someone some is watching me from the outside and I look just and act just as trivial as most other human beings on this planet.
Things that attract me always catch me by surprise.
The first thing that catches me most often is something that is different.

Not the different that works hard. Not the the different that that uses props to make it seem so. I love the natural different. The different that that is so natural it's like a curtain that falls to the ground. (on another side note I think I'm the only one in the world that understands my absurd analogies haha)

Of course the first thing would be guys. In the past I've fallen for countless guys that fall under this category. I like the weird ones. But different refers to anything and everything. People of all kinds. Books. Movies. Food. Activities. Beliefs. It's infinite.

The second thing that attracts me is simplicity. Something That is so purely simple is so fascinating to me. No covers. Nothing to hide what that thing or person really is. I like being drawn to the simple. It makes me appreciate every crevice that life has to offer. Flowers. Clouds. A good piece of fruit. Feelings. Color. Simplicity is beautiful to me.
Today the clouds covered the while ocean. They weren't in the sky. They were a thin fluffy blanket over the water. It was so breath taking. I felt like I was on an island in the sky.

The most beautiful simple person I've experienced to date is my love. My amazing boyfriend. He's so pure. So predictable and innocent. I love it. I love watching him live his life. His love is so pure and wonderful. Everything he says and does isnt anything unpredictable which is why I love it. He is very old fashioned. He follows every protocol that an older society would expect from a boyfriend. So simple and predictable but it's still amazing to me. His romantic words and wooing actions make me feel like I'm living in an old English novel. Mmm.

I wish I could keep writing. But it's time for dance. So much for a mini blog haha :)

Staples

Blogbooster yay! So I'm with Tracy and she needed my assistance in procrastinating so we went to staples just now and then beauty supply and now she is getting coffee. I have nothing to do today. :) so I'm just hanging out and around. I have class later and dance practice for performing. We got the steps down last night and now we just need to set choreography. I'm driving us to the second performance so that should be fun. We perform in the afternoon and then again at night. Two birds with one stone.

I'm really excited to go home again. I miss everything. And this time I'll be able to relax when I do.

Goodbye for now

5 Sentence Challenge

My eyes are very droopy. Can't stop thinking about you. Thank you for putting up with me. I don't deserve it but thank you. I hope I dream about us.

Just Finished

Just finished New Moon :) Very good!

Moving onto Eclipse!!!

Also the new iPad is very pretty....and the smart cover is genius.

The trees outside my window are in a thick haze of fog now. We are officially in clouds. I can see it moving by. As haunting as it may seem, the trees in the haze is actually quite beautiful. I'm not looking forward to walking through it though.

They are having college night at Porter so I may have to walk further to get dinner. Depends what the gang is doing.

And then since I am performing twice on Saturday, I have performance practices. One is today and one is tomorrow. So I will have to travel myself over to OPERS by 7:15 blah. Of course its on the other side of campus.

I have to do laundry and go shopping for more food and more shampoo and conditioner. I'm running out :( Not too much food though because I'm going home in two weekends :D And been is paying for half gas. Which is awesome. I'm going to try to take a picture of this fog. Its pretty intense.

Anyway. I'm going to start Eclipse and read until Dinner time. peace out!

Nothing

I have absolutely nothing to do. It feels amazing after the test I had to take last night. I'm going to try to finish Eclipse and Breaking Dawn asap.

Its so pretty here after it rains. The moss is always a really fresh green. So beautiful.

I'm also going to try to work out more now that I'm not stressin' over that dumb test. Ralph wants me to go with him later so I will. I REALLY need to do laundry though. Maybe I should just do that now hmm....

The view from my window is just forest. Its very soothing to just hang out in my room and listen to music with the shades open. Very pretty indeed.

Hahahhaah I have my door open and Jeremy locked Ryan out of his room. Cracking me up.

Living situation for next year: Ben, Brian, Me, Jeff. Maybes: Tracy, Raymond, Marina.

The maybe's are because Tracy and Raymond applied to be RA's and we don't know if they will get it or not. Raymond is a double maybe because he and Ben are having some unspoken issues. Neither have confronted yet. One will crack soon enough. Marina is a maybe for a few reasons. She might live with her other friends but also because if Tracy and Raymond decide to live with us, then there is no room because the largest apartments hold 5 people. Sooo for sure right now its just the three of us BUT if Marina, AND tracy decide to not live with us then I might be out because I don't want to be the only girl in the household.

We shall see!
I'm glad to be living with them though. They are all super chill and very considerate.

I'm really excited to go home too. I'm going to work at the zoo :D Yay!! more money AND I get to facepaint, which I miss a lot.

Okay so I have to go figure out my classes and then I'm going to read for a bit :)

peace!

Ivonne

Dear Ivonne,
You are just the sweet hearts of all sweethearts.

HAHA and you crack me up. You just called me from your room and blasted the twelve days of Christmas. That is officially the second Christmas carol you've sung today.

Anyway. For one thing especially, I would like to say thank you. Its not just you. A lot of people have done this but you have been especially gracious on the issue. Thank you for being so welcoming and nice to my boyfriend. I really do love him so much and I want everyone else to at least be welcoming to him. Unfortunately there have been a few people, some being my closest of friends who have not been so welcoming. On the first night I took him to hang out with my friends, there was only one who was slightly welcoming at all and that really hurt me. Of all the people to be the nicest and welcoming of someone I love, I would have thought that my closer friends would be among them. One of them was even a family member. Being hurt by the way that they welcomed him, I became scared to introduce him to anyone for fear of them treating him that way.

People that I have known for less time have been have been so nice to him... It really meant a lot to me that my floormates were so nice and welcoming to him like he was apart of our family too. Ivonne especially. When everyone bombarded him with small talk and welcomes I almost cried out of happiness. Why couldn't my closer friends do this? So heart breaking. Because even though Brandon is shy, he is really amazing.

Ivonne! Ivonne. She loves asking me abotu my boyfriend and telling me how cute we are and hearing stories, and visa versa. And not just the good stuff but the stressful stuff. You and I talk about both sides. And for that I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You truly are a special person and you're AWESOME. Just wish you didn't go home so often so that we could hang out more :(

with love from yer gurl,

mag

Tired

Ivonne and I are sick of studying. She is sleeping on the couch next to me. I'm really not looking forward to this test.

But after this I'm done with everything basically. I was going to spend two full weeks at home but Ben begged me to stay until his last final so he could have a ride, so I made another deal with him. He now owes me lunch and lots of gas money :)

I'm supposed to wake up Ivonne in 5 mins. I really don't want to keep studying.... I need at least a 56% on this test and I'll be good but I don't want a 56%. I want a good grade obviously.

Ivonne is such a sweetheart though. Its too bad she goes home so often. She saw that I was freaking out and crying earlier and tried to make me feel better and it worked. She's hilarious.

I'm also exhausted cause the dang fire alarm woke us up this morning at 5 am and we didn't get to go back inside until almost 6. Ugh. It was freezing.

I know she'll curve it but I really hope I don't blow this test. Gah. Time to wake up Ivonne.

Back to studying.