Untouched

I feel sick to my stomach. Brandon saw Bivian at church this morning. When he saw her he had this pained look on his face. I asked him what was wrong and he said nothing. Later he told me it was because he saw her, he freaked out.

Stab. Despair...

I've seen this girl. I can't compete with her. She's gorgeous...she's really pretty.... Clear skin. Skinny. Nice hair. Pretty face. Everything I don't have. Everything I'm not. I feel like a rock next to a diamond. A shrub next to a rose. A tool shed next to a mansion....

This girl that had an impact on Brandon. Touched him so that she would forever affect him.... My Brandon...

For over two years, I've given him everything I have. Everything. All of the love that I can possible exude. I've failed to keep him happy in more than one occasion.

The night I gave him my body, I failed to make his heart dance...

When he said it, I thought he didn't want me anymore. That I had no affect on him anymore. I felt like my touch was worthless that night. I failed...

Pain...

I tried harder. I do everything I can.

And this girl....all she needed was for him to get one look at her....

Just one. And he was affected.

I have to break through to him with what felt like cement walls and she went through like it was wet Tissue paper...

Pain. Hurt. I just want to be unconscious right now. I try not to compare myself to others...

But I'm only human

Unfortunately right now I'm human. Painfully human




Everything is in agony right now. Inside and out. It's clouding everything. I can only hope to suppress it long enough to fall asleep