Miss

I think the thing I miss most is my love...

I think that what pains me is knowing that I can't just go for a drive to go see him. What makes me feel broken is that seeing him whenever I please is undo-able.

I don't know why I thought that Marina being gone would be kind of nice seeing as I would have the room to myself. Why did I think that?!?

I hardly know her. We have nothing in common. She is very nice though and we get along okay. Good roommate. But I need her...

When she is here I don't have a private place to go to where I can just cry because I want to be home.

With her gone I have my own hole of misery. Alone with no one to comfort me. I can just sit here and cry and cry .

With Marina gone my fumbling hands that were struggling to hold my homesick self together just surrender completely.

I know I'll get over this....I've gone through this before....

But I feel so broken :'(

My life has changed dramatically and I have in a way lost everything.

I wish I could visit home like everyone else. I wish I could just spend an hour with my family.

I feel like there is a gash inside of me and I'm doing all I can to stop the blood from gushing out. With Marina gone, I have no strength to not let it rip me apart.

I never let myself go because there was always someone watching. But marina isn't coming back until Sunday and until then I will just have to distract myself and cope. I will have to try to hold myself together. I don't know how successful I will be but I will try.

I wish I could be in Brandon's arms. Everything is perfect there. I can be there and feel like I don't need anything else. Hearing him cry just really broke my heart. I feel selfish for leaving him. I want so badly to be with him right now. I don't care if he snores. I just want to be with him. I want to be safe.

I'm going to try to stop crying and go to sleep. I'm supposed to wake up in 6 hours to go with Tracy to the store. God bless her. She is such a sweetheart and we get along REALLY well. I'm looking forward to hanging out with her.