I know I'm sure
I want to be with you
If you run
Then I'll run
If you crawl
I'll pick you up
Just don't go without me.
I need you
I love you
I'd walk with a thousand splinters in my feet
just to follow you.
We're all dying.
I want to die with you
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Sick Brian
So I'm in the ER. Brian is getting X-rays while I wait in his room for him to come back. They made me wear a mask. Even though I've already been exposed. But I understand why so I didn't argue. He can't even finish his finals poor thing. I'm done with everything so I'm just gonna hang out here until he's done. He needs a ride back to school eventually.
I grabbed a magazine from the lobby before I came in. Elle first haha :) hopefully I won't get bored out of my brains and they figure out what's wrong with Brian so he can get better.
Peace
I grabbed a magazine from the lobby before I came in. Elle first haha :) hopefully I won't get bored out of my brains and they figure out what's wrong with Brian so he can get better.
Peace
Matthew Bellamy Dream
Oh Matthew! How you make me swoon...
I dreamt of you last night. We sang together. The sun was setting and I was walking on a roof of a building. The roof was a maze.
Undisclosed desires started to play in my head. Just naturally. As it started to play, I traced my hands along the wall and closed my eyes.I started to sing. Everything was in slow motion. I got to the end of a wall and you were there in all your glory. You were wearing a black jacket and a white v-neck and black pants. Your hair was black and messy. I barely knew it was you until you started to follow me and sang with me. I stopped and turned around shocked. You smiled and egged me on to keep singing so I did. I was always 5 feet ahead of you and you kept following while we sang together and as the song ended you grabbed my hand and we stood at the edge of the roof.
It was amazing. I miss you already!
Sunday, March 13, 2011
My Wedding
I had a terrible dream last night. I woke up feeling like I had been crying for hours on end. My heart felt like a bruised pear that had gotten thrown into the street and run over several times. Everything was aching. Horrid way to wake up.
It was my wedding day. Everything was perfect. I was nervously waiting in the room I finished getting ready in at the back of the church. I was sitting on a foot rest staring into the full length mirror in front of me. I looked pretty for once. I looked the way I wanted to look. My hair was curled and carefully pinned up to my veil that laid over my back and my bare shoulders. There were little flowers In my curls too. My face was clear. I had none of my extra weight anymore, making my collar bone more prominent and my figure more defined. My dress was so perfect. It was simple. All white. No straps. It was lined at the bottom with lace. It was more traditional looking than most dresses. I hardly needed any makeup to cover anything. I just had on a little. My huge hands looked delicate for once with their nails done. No ring on my finger yet...
Something was taking too long. I didn't check the time. Minutes and minutes passed and I couldn't stop fidgeting. A huge lump was forming in my chest and in my throat. Then the amount of time was too much. There was something wrong. I picked up my bouquet of flowers and walked out of the room.
Everyone in the church was whispering. I walked down the aisle and up onto the altar. Everyone I loved was here. Except 2. One more key to me on this day. I turned to my mother in the first pew. "What time is it?" I asked her. Her face was morose and sad. Nothing compared to how I would be later. "it's 11:45..." she said quietly.
I stopped breathing for a few seconds. Brandon wasn't going to come. I ran down the isle leaving my flowers on the floor of the altar. I ran out of the church and to my apartment. I tore off my dress and shoved it into the corner. I ripped out my veil from my hair. It hurt. I didn't care. As I started to rip out the individual flowers from my curls I started sobbing. I needed to talk to someone. I needed to get away. I changed my shoes and put on jeans and a Tshirt. I called Eddie. No answer. I grabbed my bag and my keys. I would have to go somewhere. I can't stay here, I kept thinking to myself. When I opened the door to go to my car there was Eddie. He looked relaxed and was eating a sandwich. I regained myself so that I could talk without choking on the air. What was he doing here? He didn't answer my phone calls and he didn't bother to show up at my wedding obviously.
"I called you.." I said. My voice was was already sounding weary.
"I know" he responded. He was still chewing on the sandwhich that he was eating. "Do you still have my chip?"
"Oh uhm ya." I said. I pulled out my camera and took the chip out. As soon as I dropped it into his hand he just turned around and left. That was it then. I started sobbing again running to my car. I couldn't drive because i couldn't see anything through my tears. Then I just started running. I ran until I physically could not run anymore. Until my lungs would not let me go any further.
I was in front of a huge building. I ran up the stairs and went out onto the roof. I sat at the edge and rolled over onto my side. I let my pain have me. I started shaking and sobbing uncontrollably. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. I was all pain. I thought that I was going to rip open from all of my pain.
Hours later my body was too weary to continue the shaking and the sobbing. I laid limp. My eyes barely open. I felt barely conscious. I didn't care if I stayed there forever. I didn't care if I died there. I heard a door open and then some footsteps. The footsteps got closer. I didn't look up to see who it was.
"Love?" he said. It was Brandon. How did he find me here? What else could he possibly want... My eyes bolted open and I crawled away from him and sat curled up with my hands wrapped around my knees.
He came and sat down next to me. He put his hand on my shoulder.
I immediately cringed away. "Don't," I told him.
He put his hand down.
"I'm sorry" he said. How could he say that? This was not the first time he has done this to me.
I closed my eyes and tried not to think about anything. The sun was setting and it started to get dark. I don't remember how long we were sitting there.
Then I woke up. This dream is the result of lack of contact I have with Eddie and the huge fight I had with Brandon last night I'm sure. It was horrible though. So much pain.
It was my wedding day. Everything was perfect. I was nervously waiting in the room I finished getting ready in at the back of the church. I was sitting on a foot rest staring into the full length mirror in front of me. I looked pretty for once. I looked the way I wanted to look. My hair was curled and carefully pinned up to my veil that laid over my back and my bare shoulders. There were little flowers In my curls too. My face was clear. I had none of my extra weight anymore, making my collar bone more prominent and my figure more defined. My dress was so perfect. It was simple. All white. No straps. It was lined at the bottom with lace. It was more traditional looking than most dresses. I hardly needed any makeup to cover anything. I just had on a little. My huge hands looked delicate for once with their nails done. No ring on my finger yet...
Something was taking too long. I didn't check the time. Minutes and minutes passed and I couldn't stop fidgeting. A huge lump was forming in my chest and in my throat. Then the amount of time was too much. There was something wrong. I picked up my bouquet of flowers and walked out of the room.
Everyone in the church was whispering. I walked down the aisle and up onto the altar. Everyone I loved was here. Except 2. One more key to me on this day. I turned to my mother in the first pew. "What time is it?" I asked her. Her face was morose and sad. Nothing compared to how I would be later. "it's 11:45..." she said quietly.
I stopped breathing for a few seconds. Brandon wasn't going to come. I ran down the isle leaving my flowers on the floor of the altar. I ran out of the church and to my apartment. I tore off my dress and shoved it into the corner. I ripped out my veil from my hair. It hurt. I didn't care. As I started to rip out the individual flowers from my curls I started sobbing. I needed to talk to someone. I needed to get away. I changed my shoes and put on jeans and a Tshirt. I called Eddie. No answer. I grabbed my bag and my keys. I would have to go somewhere. I can't stay here, I kept thinking to myself. When I opened the door to go to my car there was Eddie. He looked relaxed and was eating a sandwich. I regained myself so that I could talk without choking on the air. What was he doing here? He didn't answer my phone calls and he didn't bother to show up at my wedding obviously.
"I called you.." I said. My voice was was already sounding weary.
"I know" he responded. He was still chewing on the sandwhich that he was eating. "Do you still have my chip?"
"Oh uhm ya." I said. I pulled out my camera and took the chip out. As soon as I dropped it into his hand he just turned around and left. That was it then. I started sobbing again running to my car. I couldn't drive because i couldn't see anything through my tears. Then I just started running. I ran until I physically could not run anymore. Until my lungs would not let me go any further.
I was in front of a huge building. I ran up the stairs and went out onto the roof. I sat at the edge and rolled over onto my side. I let my pain have me. I started shaking and sobbing uncontrollably. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. I was all pain. I thought that I was going to rip open from all of my pain.
Hours later my body was too weary to continue the shaking and the sobbing. I laid limp. My eyes barely open. I felt barely conscious. I didn't care if I stayed there forever. I didn't care if I died there. I heard a door open and then some footsteps. The footsteps got closer. I didn't look up to see who it was.
"Love?" he said. It was Brandon. How did he find me here? What else could he possibly want... My eyes bolted open and I crawled away from him and sat curled up with my hands wrapped around my knees.
He came and sat down next to me. He put his hand on my shoulder.
I immediately cringed away. "Don't," I told him.
He put his hand down.
"I'm sorry" he said. How could he say that? This was not the first time he has done this to me.
I closed my eyes and tried not to think about anything. The sun was setting and it started to get dark. I don't remember how long we were sitting there.
Then I woke up. This dream is the result of lack of contact I have with Eddie and the huge fight I had with Brandon last night I'm sure. It was horrible though. So much pain.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
HARK?!
"HARK!"
I proclaimed my presence and their attention loud enough so that I did not have to repeat myself. Everyone in the room became completely silent. Enough so that I could hear the birds chirping outside of the church. The glares and united gaze I was getting from everyone weakened my posture. I could not get weak at this moment. I must be strong. I straightened up a bit more to show them I was not afraid. So much so that it looked like I was leaning back almost from pushing my chest out too far. Don't over do it, I thought to myself. The minister let his glasses fall to his nose and peered at me over them. The bride, my lovely, turned around to face me wide eyed and shocked. The groom turned around looking so angry that he might burst. His face was more red than a tomato. He looked too angry to speak.I took in a great puff of air to make my chest look larger as I spoke. I was not sure how to approach it....I should have written some lines beforehand.
I began, "You there!" He was already looking at me. I'm so lucky, I thought to myself, If looks could kill I would be done for already. I spoke again, "I cannot allow you to marry her!"
The groom stiffened and took the three steps off the altar towards me. Don't panic...don't panic...I thought to myself. It seemed like he was getting larger, the closer he got. I did not move and suddenly his face was inches away from mine.
He towered over me and boomed in my face, "HOW DARE YOU! I COMMAND YOU TO LEAVE AT ONCE!" Then he made this sputtering noise as if he were growling but he was spitting instead. Like a teapot...how odd. It was getting all over my face. Disgusting. I did not anticipate this.
"Do you MIND?" I said to him. "That was disgusting." I took a step back wiping my face with the back of my sleeve. I heard a giggle come from the altar and we both snapped our heads too look at Cecilia. "You think this is funny??" I called over. She blushed and giggled again and used her bouquet to cover her face. I rolled my eyes. She's so Cecilia And she was mine. And I was here to claim her. I looked back to my opponent.
He glared at me and spoke once again, "Leave!"
Right before I could respond, Cici could not control her giggle fit and she fell onto her knees. It made my response sound weak, "No? I mean No! I am not leaving without her. Her heart belongs to me."
"But she belongs to me" he huffed.
Sigh. I did not come here to bicker with this man. I came to rightfully claim what is mine.
"Well I'm sorry for the misunderstanding, but I will be taking her now and leaving. I highly suggest that you do not try to stop me." I walked past him and up the altar next to Cecilia.
"Would you stop giggling," I hissed at her only loud enough that she could hear, "I'm trying to do this romantically. I could have just grabbed you and left without any cheesy proclamation."
She stood up straightening her dress out, "Okay okay I'm sorry. Let's just go. Thank you for trying to be romantic." She got on her tippy toes and kissed my forehead. She took my hand and we started down the aisle to leave.
And then out of no where he struck me in the back of my head. "Owwwwww" I rubbed the back of my head. I was going to have a large bump there in the morning. "That hurt." I turned around and he was ready to strike me again.
Then Cecilia stepped in between he and I. "Don't you dare lay a finger on him." She sounded absolutely livid.
His face was priceless. He was shocked that she was speaking to him this way. I couldn't help but laugh. Then he looked angry.
"Get out of my way Cecilia." he said.
"No," she said. "Joseph, my necklace please."
I guess me being the one to save her was out of the question at this point. I sighed and handed her, her necklace. She put it on and glared at him, "Apologize. Now"
Then it was his turn to laugh. He fell onto his knees laughing and the church rang with his booming laughter.
I smirked. She was not going to be happy with this response. "Oh now you've done it." I said. I took a seat in the pew knowing that she would want her way with him now that she had her necklace. Too bad I didn't have any popcorn. She started to take her earrings off and handed them to me. "Is this going to take long?" I asked.
"Give me five minutes sweetheart..." she responded. Mmm she looked so lovely. Her skin was a flushed peach. It looked amazing. Her lips were puckered with annoyance at her ex-groom rolling on the floor laughing which only made her look that much more adorable. Her hair was curled for the occasion and her dress outlined her figure nicely.
"You look amazing by the way..." I said quite frankly awed by her beauty. She turned and smiled at me. "Thanks love. Five minutes." She turned back to the groom and picked him up by his collar standing him up right.
"Apologize or I will make you apologize." she said. Shock returned to his face because she had set him standing up straight when it was clear that he looked physically more capable. He was three times her size. He remained silent.
Then Cecilia picked him up by the collar and rose off the ground. Then he looked completely afraid. "NOW are you going to apologize?" she said. They were maybe 20 feet off the ground.
He was waving his arms and legs like a child. "PUT ME DOWN! PUT ME DOWN!" Everyone in the congregation started gasping. Some started to leave and some were too shocked to move so they just kept watching. The old man next to me looked like he had stopped breathing.
"Cecilia, sweetheart, you're scaring the poor people!" I said.
"I'm not going anywhere until he apologizes to you." she responded. She came lower to the ground until she was maybe 5 feet from the ground and dropped him. He started to crawl away but she caught him by the ankle and rose high into the air again. She started shaking him like a child throwing a tantrum. "Apologize NOW!" she demanded.
He started yelling again, red in the face from being shaken by his ankle, "STOP STOP!! PUT ME DOWN!!! STOP SHAKING ME! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! PUT ME DOWN!!" he yelled.
"Thank you." She said and dropped him from about 5 feet off the ground again and then grounded herself. He stumbled to his feet and bolted out the door. "We can go now love," she said to me in a loving tone. She trotted over to me holding her dress up so that she would not trip. I stood up to meet her halfway and swept her off of her feet cradling her in my arms. She smiled and it made me smile. There were still a few people lingering in the church so I waited until I flew outside with her to kiss her.
"Thank you for taking care of my bully." I told her as I flew out of the church and we glided over some trees.
"Anytime" she said."You'll have to work on your dialogue for next time."
I grimaced,"There won't be a next time. I won't let it go that far next time. Just keep better track of your necklace for me."
"Okay okay. I'm sorry. I love you." she said.
"I love you too."
I proclaimed my presence and their attention loud enough so that I did not have to repeat myself. Everyone in the room became completely silent. Enough so that I could hear the birds chirping outside of the church. The glares and united gaze I was getting from everyone weakened my posture. I could not get weak at this moment. I must be strong. I straightened up a bit more to show them I was not afraid. So much so that it looked like I was leaning back almost from pushing my chest out too far. Don't over do it, I thought to myself. The minister let his glasses fall to his nose and peered at me over them. The bride, my lovely, turned around to face me wide eyed and shocked. The groom turned around looking so angry that he might burst. His face was more red than a tomato. He looked too angry to speak.I took in a great puff of air to make my chest look larger as I spoke. I was not sure how to approach it....I should have written some lines beforehand.
I began, "You there!" He was already looking at me. I'm so lucky, I thought to myself, If looks could kill I would be done for already. I spoke again, "I cannot allow you to marry her!"
The groom stiffened and took the three steps off the altar towards me. Don't panic...don't panic...I thought to myself. It seemed like he was getting larger, the closer he got. I did not move and suddenly his face was inches away from mine.
He towered over me and boomed in my face, "HOW DARE YOU! I COMMAND YOU TO LEAVE AT ONCE!" Then he made this sputtering noise as if he were growling but he was spitting instead. Like a teapot...how odd. It was getting all over my face. Disgusting. I did not anticipate this.
"Do you MIND?" I said to him. "That was disgusting." I took a step back wiping my face with the back of my sleeve. I heard a giggle come from the altar and we both snapped our heads too look at Cecilia. "You think this is funny??" I called over. She blushed and giggled again and used her bouquet to cover her face. I rolled my eyes. She's so Cecilia And she was mine. And I was here to claim her. I looked back to my opponent.
He glared at me and spoke once again, "Leave!"
Right before I could respond, Cici could not control her giggle fit and she fell onto her knees. It made my response sound weak, "No? I mean No! I am not leaving without her. Her heart belongs to me."
"But she belongs to me" he huffed.
Sigh. I did not come here to bicker with this man. I came to rightfully claim what is mine.
"Well I'm sorry for the misunderstanding, but I will be taking her now and leaving. I highly suggest that you do not try to stop me." I walked past him and up the altar next to Cecilia.
"Would you stop giggling," I hissed at her only loud enough that she could hear, "I'm trying to do this romantically. I could have just grabbed you and left without any cheesy proclamation."
She stood up straightening her dress out, "Okay okay I'm sorry. Let's just go. Thank you for trying to be romantic." She got on her tippy toes and kissed my forehead. She took my hand and we started down the aisle to leave.
And then out of no where he struck me in the back of my head. "Owwwwww" I rubbed the back of my head. I was going to have a large bump there in the morning. "That hurt." I turned around and he was ready to strike me again.
Then Cecilia stepped in between he and I. "Don't you dare lay a finger on him." She sounded absolutely livid.
His face was priceless. He was shocked that she was speaking to him this way. I couldn't help but laugh. Then he looked angry.
"Get out of my way Cecilia." he said.
"No," she said. "Joseph, my necklace please."
I guess me being the one to save her was out of the question at this point. I sighed and handed her, her necklace. She put it on and glared at him, "Apologize. Now"
Then it was his turn to laugh. He fell onto his knees laughing and the church rang with his booming laughter.
I smirked. She was not going to be happy with this response. "Oh now you've done it." I said. I took a seat in the pew knowing that she would want her way with him now that she had her necklace. Too bad I didn't have any popcorn. She started to take her earrings off and handed them to me. "Is this going to take long?" I asked.
"Give me five minutes sweetheart..." she responded. Mmm she looked so lovely. Her skin was a flushed peach. It looked amazing. Her lips were puckered with annoyance at her ex-groom rolling on the floor laughing which only made her look that much more adorable. Her hair was curled for the occasion and her dress outlined her figure nicely.
"You look amazing by the way..." I said quite frankly awed by her beauty. She turned and smiled at me. "Thanks love. Five minutes." She turned back to the groom and picked him up by his collar standing him up right.
"Apologize or I will make you apologize." she said. Shock returned to his face because she had set him standing up straight when it was clear that he looked physically more capable. He was three times her size. He remained silent.
Then Cecilia picked him up by the collar and rose off the ground. Then he looked completely afraid. "NOW are you going to apologize?" she said. They were maybe 20 feet off the ground.
He was waving his arms and legs like a child. "PUT ME DOWN! PUT ME DOWN!" Everyone in the congregation started gasping. Some started to leave and some were too shocked to move so they just kept watching. The old man next to me looked like he had stopped breathing.
"Cecilia, sweetheart, you're scaring the poor people!" I said.
"I'm not going anywhere until he apologizes to you." she responded. She came lower to the ground until she was maybe 5 feet from the ground and dropped him. He started to crawl away but she caught him by the ankle and rose high into the air again. She started shaking him like a child throwing a tantrum. "Apologize NOW!" she demanded.
He started yelling again, red in the face from being shaken by his ankle, "STOP STOP!! PUT ME DOWN!!! STOP SHAKING ME! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! PUT ME DOWN!!" he yelled.
"Thank you." She said and dropped him from about 5 feet off the ground again and then grounded herself. He stumbled to his feet and bolted out the door. "We can go now love," she said to me in a loving tone. She trotted over to me holding her dress up so that she would not trip. I stood up to meet her halfway and swept her off of her feet cradling her in my arms. She smiled and it made me smile. There were still a few people lingering in the church so I waited until I flew outside with her to kiss her.
"Thank you for taking care of my bully." I told her as I flew out of the church and we glided over some trees.
"Anytime" she said."You'll have to work on your dialogue for next time."
I grimaced,"There won't be a next time. I won't let it go that far next time. Just keep better track of your necklace for me."
"Okay okay. I'm sorry. I love you." she said.
"I love you too."
Thursday, March 10, 2011
I know I know
I know I'm procrastinating on doing my hw but this is for those secretive people that are reading my blog.
I know you're out there. I'm already at 25 page views today. WHO ARE YOU? I'm just wondering. And it would be cool if I could read your blogs too. I like reading! I want to see...
Don't be afraid haha
So I'm going to do my hw and hope that you secret readers will reveal yourselves...
I know you're out there. I'm already at 25 page views today. WHO ARE YOU? I'm just wondering. And it would be cool if I could read your blogs too. I like reading! I want to see...
Don't be afraid haha
So I'm going to do my hw and hope that you secret readers will reveal yourselves...
Glorious
I can't explain to anyone how amazing this song is. When I listen to it with my eyes closed, I go to a different place. Its hard to come back when the song is over.
My fav part: "Faith, it drives me away
But it turns me on
Like a strangers love"
Rose-tinted view
And satellites that compromise the truth
But I wanted more
With the cuts and the bruises
Touch my face
A hopeless embrace
Faith, it drives me away
But it turns me on
Like a strangers love
It rockets through the universe
It fuels the lies, it feeds the curse
And we too could be
Glorious
I need to believe
But I still want more
With the cuts and the bruises
Don't close the door
On what you adore
Faith, it drives me away
But it turns me on
Like a strangers love
It rockets through the universe
It fuels the lies, it feeds the curse
and we too could be
Glorious
My fav part: "Faith, it drives me away
But it turns me on
Like a strangers love"
Rose-tinted view
And satellites that compromise the truth
But I wanted more
With the cuts and the bruises
Touch my face
A hopeless embrace
Faith, it drives me away
But it turns me on
Like a strangers love
It rockets through the universe
It fuels the lies, it feeds the curse
And we too could be
Glorious
I need to believe
But I still want more
With the cuts and the bruises
Don't close the door
On what you adore
Faith, it drives me away
But it turns me on
Like a strangers love
It rockets through the universe
It fuels the lies, it feeds the curse
and we too could be
Glorious
Water Balloon Dream
Do not pick up Breaking Dawn before I finish my essays...gah even though bella just found out she's preggo.
I had a dream that I was at a camp. I was at a camp with children. Maybe around 10 years old. Most of them were children anyway. We were at war though. The camp. Against each other. I think it was just play war, but thus it was war. We all had water balloon guns. Strange no? They were HUGE and clear and you could load water balloons into them and they would shoot out the front. It was red water balloons against green water balloons. I was on the red team. Sad. Anyway. I had to act as bait but I was terrified. I walked out into the basketball court and just stood there with my gun. I was scared because I knew it would hurt. It wasn't fun to get hit with water balloons. It hurt extra in the dream. And then it happened. The other team ran out to claim me. They surrounded me and started shooting. I didn't even try to fight back. All I did was hold my arms up hoping that it would lessen the pain. It didn't. I fell to the ground. They kept shooting at me. There had to be at least 15 people all shooting at me at the same time. It was so painful...Where was my team? Why had they just left me there? I had been abandoned. They still wouldn't stop so I started screaming, "STOP! STOP! PLEASE STOP!". I just kept screaming until they slowed to a stop. I was crying out in so much pain. I didn't dare open my eyes. I rolled onto my side writhing in agony. It felt like acid was burning my skin. I just kept crying and screaming. "Are you happy now? You got me!".
It was horrible.... What the hell does this dream mean!?!?
I had a dream that I was at a camp. I was at a camp with children. Maybe around 10 years old. Most of them were children anyway. We were at war though. The camp. Against each other. I think it was just play war, but thus it was war. We all had water balloon guns. Strange no? They were HUGE and clear and you could load water balloons into them and they would shoot out the front. It was red water balloons against green water balloons. I was on the red team. Sad. Anyway. I had to act as bait but I was terrified. I walked out into the basketball court and just stood there with my gun. I was scared because I knew it would hurt. It wasn't fun to get hit with water balloons. It hurt extra in the dream. And then it happened. The other team ran out to claim me. They surrounded me and started shooting. I didn't even try to fight back. All I did was hold my arms up hoping that it would lessen the pain. It didn't. I fell to the ground. They kept shooting at me. There had to be at least 15 people all shooting at me at the same time. It was so painful...Where was my team? Why had they just left me there? I had been abandoned. They still wouldn't stop so I started screaming, "STOP! STOP! PLEASE STOP!". I just kept screaming until they slowed to a stop. I was crying out in so much pain. I didn't dare open my eyes. I rolled onto my side writhing in agony. It felt like acid was burning my skin. I just kept crying and screaming. "Are you happy now? You got me!".
It was horrible.... What the hell does this dream mean!?!?
Wednesday, March 09, 2011
Sacrifice
I want to have my own life. Very selfish of me I know but I do want to have a life of my own. I don't want to be self absorbed in it though. I want to help people too. I want to do my part in giving back. I think that last noble thing I did was feed the homeless two months ago. Sigh. I become so disappointed with myself when I see how little I contribute to the community. I miss beig a girl scout leader :( helping those girls got really stressful but at least I was doing something.
I don't want to BE one of those people. I don't want to be that person that does enough for them to get by. I don't want to just have a job and go on vacations and take care of my children. I want actually do something.
It's the reason I want to be a teacher. I hope that I can change lives and help kids. I want that to be my way of giving back. Until then I haven't been doing anything ugh. I've been selfishly doing just what I want to do. I need to get out there and help more people.
And thus my Lenten sacrifice was born. One helpful act towards others per week. Not something whimpy either. It needs to be something good. I need to start looking into that since today is ash Wednesday.
I'm starving by the way D; I hate fasting. It does make you think I suppose. I'm not going to eat until after church because if I eat before then, I'll just get hungry before then. I can do it!
I don't want to BE one of those people. I don't want to be that person that does enough for them to get by. I don't want to just have a job and go on vacations and take care of my children. I want actually do something.
It's the reason I want to be a teacher. I hope that I can change lives and help kids. I want that to be my way of giving back. Until then I haven't been doing anything ugh. I've been selfishly doing just what I want to do. I need to get out there and help more people.
And thus my Lenten sacrifice was born. One helpful act towards others per week. Not something whimpy either. It needs to be something good. I need to start looking into that since today is ash Wednesday.
I'm starving by the way D; I hate fasting. It does make you think I suppose. I'm not going to eat until after church because if I eat before then, I'll just get hungry before then. I can do it!
Tuesday, March 08, 2011
Monday, March 07, 2011
Sick haze
Everything is so hazey. My head is still throbbing. I feel sick. My nose and my chest are killing me. I still feel as hot as an oven. I hope this doesnt' last long. I think it would feel better to be unconscious or dead. I feel like i'm going to pass out
Sunday, March 06, 2011
Sick AGAIN
I have the weakest immune system ever :'( And now I'm sick again. We went to the mystery spot this morning. It was really cool. The sickness didn't really start to escalate until after we got food. When we were walking around downtown it got really bad. My head is THROBBING. I feel like its struggling to have room for itself inside my poor skull. In result I feel like its trying to push my eyes out of my head. As a result of THAT, I can't look anywhere but straight ahead. If I try to look to the side with my head straight, I get really sharp pains. My nose is running and I'm sneezing constantly and my throat hurts.
I am definitely not going to dance. I need to sleep this off. I've got time. Ugh but its time I could be talking to Brandon :'( I feel so horrid right now though.....
I'm going to upload pictures and talk to brandon for a bit and when marina and johnny leave to go wherever they are going, I'm going to take a nap.
I am definitely not going to dance. I need to sleep this off. I've got time. Ugh but its time I could be talking to Brandon :'( I feel so horrid right now though.....
I'm going to upload pictures and talk to brandon for a bit and when marina and johnny leave to go wherever they are going, I'm going to take a nap.
NOTE TO SELF
Write about my dance friends. I don't know how I've gone so long without talking about my friends from dance. bam
My Love...
This is for you hun. I'm so sorry that we haven't gotten much time recently :( I call you when I can and we got to talk briefly today but not long enough....
I miss you horribly :( I feel like we've been apart for months. I can't wait to see you again though! I have stuff I want to do with you :) A lot of stuff! FOR EXAMPLE!!
I would like to walk in a park with you and pick some flowers. That would just be lovely. Maybe a picnic!
I would like to go to nickel nickel and play nickel arcade games with you :)
I would like to have a glee marathon because I have not seen the first season.
I would like to try out some intense PDA in public. (Nothing skanky of course) Woop woop!
I would like to just stare at you for awhile..... you would think its creeper if I wasn't your girlfriend haha But I like looking at you.
I would like to cook something with your nana. Hopefully the rice crispies yummm.
I would like to snuggle of course. I never get tired of snuggling. Never.
I would like to go to that dang aquarium with you. It was so busy that one day we tried to go :( I want to try again.
I would like to play Wii darts and brawl again! Maybe mario party 50 turns! hahahah
I would like to kiss you of course. Always a given.
I would like to go visit eddie and the cat poor thing. Hopefully sign his cast.
I would like to go to the dollar store with you. Looking around in there is fun while I'm with you. You get excited over the cutest things...
Thats a good list right there although it could be endless :) I love you more than anything. I'm so blessed to have you. You're wonderful and romantic (extra romantic recently, which I thank you very much for because I'm a mush mush like you). I miss you my sweetness and I can't wait to get my hands on you. Not much longer until I go home <3
Love love your girlfriend magdalena <3
I miss you horribly :( I feel like we've been apart for months. I can't wait to see you again though! I have stuff I want to do with you :) A lot of stuff! FOR EXAMPLE!!
I would like to walk in a park with you and pick some flowers. That would just be lovely. Maybe a picnic!
I would like to go to nickel nickel and play nickel arcade games with you :)
I would like to have a glee marathon because I have not seen the first season.
I would like to try out some intense PDA in public. (Nothing skanky of course) Woop woop!
I would like to just stare at you for awhile..... you would think its creeper if I wasn't your girlfriend haha But I like looking at you.
I would like to cook something with your nana. Hopefully the rice crispies yummm.
I would like to snuggle of course. I never get tired of snuggling. Never.
I would like to go to that dang aquarium with you. It was so busy that one day we tried to go :( I want to try again.
I would like to play Wii darts and brawl again! Maybe mario party 50 turns! hahahah
I would like to kiss you of course. Always a given.
I would like to go visit eddie and the cat poor thing. Hopefully sign his cast.
I would like to go to the dollar store with you. Looking around in there is fun while I'm with you. You get excited over the cutest things...
Thats a good list right there although it could be endless :) I love you more than anything. I'm so blessed to have you. You're wonderful and romantic (extra romantic recently, which I thank you very much for because I'm a mush mush like you). I miss you my sweetness and I can't wait to get my hands on you. Not much longer until I go home <3
Love love your girlfriend magdalena <3
BEAT AGAIN
So beat. Again. I've been so busy! I only got 5 hours of performing and I've been dancing literally all day. Practice then performance then practice then performance. Then I hung out with my gang while I talked to mostly tracy and waited for food. She made food for us :D Then I took a shower and now I'm in my room finally. I have LOTS of pictures. Way too excited for that. I am thinking about ditching dance tomorrow because I've been dancing for hours at a time for the last 5 days straight.
I love my friends. I'm actually really glad that I was held back a quarter because then I wouldn't have ended up with the kids on this floor. We are all going to the mystery spot tomorrow and then lunch. I'm really excited because we haven't really hung out off campus yet. So tired. I don't even know how I lasted this long. Marina and Johnny are watching a movie on his laptop and I'm in my bunk typing this before I go to bed. I think I got sick again :( I'm so frustrated that I always get sick. And now I live in a house with like a million people and the germs are practically unavoidable. BLAH!
I love my friends. I'm actually really glad that I was held back a quarter because then I wouldn't have ended up with the kids on this floor. We are all going to the mystery spot tomorrow and then lunch. I'm really excited because we haven't really hung out off campus yet. So tired. I don't even know how I lasted this long. Marina and Johnny are watching a movie on his laptop and I'm in my bunk typing this before I go to bed. I think I got sick again :( I'm so frustrated that I always get sick. And now I live in a house with like a million people and the germs are practically unavoidable. BLAH!
Saturday, March 05, 2011
Mini-Bloh PDA
For reals mini. Cause I'm so beat. I didnt even bother fixing the typo in the title Watched two movies back to back with my gang. Toy story 3 and mt family wedding. Good times good times. I have to wake up at 10 and it's 4. Can't wait. Gah.
I miss my love. I wanna cuddle with him and be in his arms. It makes me feel sickly when I see other couples having moments knowing that I'm away from him. I hate it. Unless there are family or friends around, I'm all for PDA. I mean not like making out or having sex. But I don't care when I'm with him. I have to compose and behave myself in front of my friends and family. If it weren't for being decent and civilized, I'd keep my arms glued around his waist and face constantly nuzzled into his neck. I'd kiss his neck and his face and ears all the time. I'd constantly be staring at him and smiling at him. Sigh. I need to stop. I feel my chest swelling up...
I miss my love. I wanna cuddle with him and be in his arms. It makes me feel sickly when I see other couples having moments knowing that I'm away from him. I hate it. Unless there are family or friends around, I'm all for PDA. I mean not like making out or having sex. But I don't care when I'm with him. I have to compose and behave myself in front of my friends and family. If it weren't for being decent and civilized, I'd keep my arms glued around his waist and face constantly nuzzled into his neck. I'd kiss his neck and his face and ears all the time. I'd constantly be staring at him and smiling at him. Sigh. I need to stop. I feel my chest swelling up...
Friday, March 04, 2011
Zero Ben
So something hit me the other day. I had dinner with Ivonne the other night and we were talking about the people I hang out with and I mentioned Ben and she says, "Ohh Ben is really quiet." And I said, "What really?" And she said, "Ya he like never says anything!."
And then it dawned on me. He IS quiet. I don't know why I hadn't noticed until this week. The obvious reason is because he is in the group of people that I hang out with. I have been noticing this now. I mean he never stops talking when we hang out with him, but if there are other people from the floor he usually just sits back and listens. Interesting... I mean I just had lunch with him and he didn't stop talking even for a few seconds. I feel like he is Zero from holes. He has a lot of things to say but he doesn't tell everyone what he is thinking? He saves it for the 5 of us I guess. I feel like an idiot for not noticing before. The group consists of: Tracy, me, Brian, Ben, and Jeff. The five of us usually do everything together. Ting sometimes but Brian doesn't really like Ting. And Raymond sometimes but Raymond and Ben are having issues.
So usually its the 5 of us and we have a pretty good time. We are planning on living together next fall. Hopefully that all works out.
So its a pretty quiet day today. I have dance at 5 but until then I'm going to read. I started Eclipse while I did laundry with Ralph and I got to page 106. 106 pages in an hour and forty mins. Not bad eh? I want to try to get a good chunk out of it right now.
peace :)
And then it dawned on me. He IS quiet. I don't know why I hadn't noticed until this week. The obvious reason is because he is in the group of people that I hang out with. I have been noticing this now. I mean he never stops talking when we hang out with him, but if there are other people from the floor he usually just sits back and listens. Interesting... I mean I just had lunch with him and he didn't stop talking even for a few seconds. I feel like he is Zero from holes. He has a lot of things to say but he doesn't tell everyone what he is thinking? He saves it for the 5 of us I guess. I feel like an idiot for not noticing before. The group consists of: Tracy, me, Brian, Ben, and Jeff. The five of us usually do everything together. Ting sometimes but Brian doesn't really like Ting. And Raymond sometimes but Raymond and Ben are having issues.
So usually its the 5 of us and we have a pretty good time. We are planning on living together next fall. Hopefully that all works out.
So its a pretty quiet day today. I have dance at 5 but until then I'm going to read. I started Eclipse while I did laundry with Ralph and I got to page 106. 106 pages in an hour and forty mins. Not bad eh? I want to try to get a good chunk out of it right now.
peace :)
Mini-Blog 8 am
So I think early morning classes were made by the devil. Once a week I suffer having to roll out of bed at 7:50 and walk over to college eight for my world society section. So horrible.
But! Today I got there and there was one guy and that's it. And I asked him if there was class cause he'd be in it right? And he said no one was there. And then he said that someone else said that he was sick. YAY!! So I chatted to him for a min and then I walked back to my dorm. And now I'm in my comfy bed. I'm so happy that I get to go back to sleep. I can't believe I used to wake up at 6:30 in the morning when I had to go to school at SWC. Crazy! I don't know how I did it. Or better yet: how did I get up at 5:30 when I went to school at OLP?? Insane I tell you!
I'm prolly so beat because we watched jersey shore last night until 2. X:
Anyway. Mini blog done. Going back to sleep. And I think I might be getting sick :'( which sucks because I'm performing twice tomorrow and me and my friends are going to the mystery spot on Sunday. Guh
Night night
But! Today I got there and there was one guy and that's it. And I asked him if there was class cause he'd be in it right? And he said no one was there. And then he said that someone else said that he was sick. YAY!! So I chatted to him for a min and then I walked back to my dorm. And now I'm in my comfy bed. I'm so happy that I get to go back to sleep. I can't believe I used to wake up at 6:30 in the morning when I had to go to school at SWC. Crazy! I don't know how I did it. Or better yet: how did I get up at 5:30 when I went to school at OLP?? Insane I tell you!
I'm prolly so beat because we watched jersey shore last night until 2. X:
Anyway. Mini blog done. Going back to sleep. And I think I might be getting sick :'( which sucks because I'm performing twice tomorrow and me and my friends are going to the mystery spot on Sunday. Guh
Night night
Thursday, March 03, 2011
Mini-Blog Human
This app makes it super easy to miniblog. Love it. I really like writing too. I could fill a book a day I think if I tried. Just with thoughts. Of course I wouldnt reveal every thought I had. I'm too much of a selfish human to do that. Every time I think up something that I would be horrified if someone else heard, I shudder. And then I feel guilty for thinking about it in the first place.
So hard to be purely selfless and not get frustrated with others...which is a sad excuse because I'm sure people get frustrated just as much with me...
I wish I could be perfect. Bring only positivity to peoples lives and nothing negative. I figured out that this is next to impossible however. Even if I could be in the same library as perfect, that would be nice. I think that Sarah Kalb is the closest thing to perfect as far as people go. She is such a saintly sweetheart. I can't even imagine anyone not liking her.
I kind of want to introduce Brandon to her. She would not judge. I feel like that's not much to ask for but it happens. Even an expression lasting as short as one second could do damage.
On another note. I watch people too much. When I over hear other peoples conversations most of the time I roll my eyes at the triviality of the subject. Which I hate thinking or doing. I'm not in anyway much different or superior to them in any way. I too am guilty of trivial jobber jabber of all kinds. I think it's the human interaction protocol. I can't control it. But it inspires me somehow...To be different. I hate being unoriginal. Not to the point where I wear ridiculous clothing on purpose or proclaim strange things in public. But I don't WANT to be like everyone else. I want to see more. I want to be more. Sometimes I don't even want to be human. Being an animal might be kind of interesting I suppose but emotion and self-realization are too limited. I want to be able to think for myself. So frustrating.
Sometimes I feel like I can watch people from the outside. But I know that somewhere someone some is watching me from the outside and I look just and act just as trivial as most other human beings on this planet.
Things that attract me always catch me by surprise.
The first thing that catches me most often is something that is different.
Not the different that works hard. Not the the different that that uses props to make it seem so. I love the natural different. The different that that is so natural it's like a curtain that falls to the ground. (on another side note I think I'm the only one in the world that understands my absurd analogies haha)
Of course the first thing would be guys. In the past I've fallen for countless guys that fall under this category. I like the weird ones. But different refers to anything and everything. People of all kinds. Books. Movies. Food. Activities. Beliefs. It's infinite.
The second thing that attracts me is simplicity. Something That is so purely simple is so fascinating to me. No covers. Nothing to hide what that thing or person really is. I like being drawn to the simple. It makes me appreciate every crevice that life has to offer. Flowers. Clouds. A good piece of fruit. Feelings. Color. Simplicity is beautiful to me.
Today the clouds covered the while ocean. They weren't in the sky. They were a thin fluffy blanket over the water. It was so breath taking. I felt like I was on an island in the sky.
The most beautiful simple person I've experienced to date is my love. My amazing boyfriend. He's so pure. So predictable and innocent. I love it. I love watching him live his life. His love is so pure and wonderful. Everything he says and does isnt anything unpredictable which is why I love it. He is very old fashioned. He follows every protocol that an older society would expect from a boyfriend. So simple and predictable but it's still amazing to me. His romantic words and wooing actions make me feel like I'm living in an old English novel. Mmm.
I wish I could keep writing. But it's time for dance. So much for a mini blog haha :)
So hard to be purely selfless and not get frustrated with others...which is a sad excuse because I'm sure people get frustrated just as much with me...
I wish I could be perfect. Bring only positivity to peoples lives and nothing negative. I figured out that this is next to impossible however. Even if I could be in the same library as perfect, that would be nice. I think that Sarah Kalb is the closest thing to perfect as far as people go. She is such a saintly sweetheart. I can't even imagine anyone not liking her.
I kind of want to introduce Brandon to her. She would not judge. I feel like that's not much to ask for but it happens. Even an expression lasting as short as one second could do damage.
On another note. I watch people too much. When I over hear other peoples conversations most of the time I roll my eyes at the triviality of the subject. Which I hate thinking or doing. I'm not in anyway much different or superior to them in any way. I too am guilty of trivial jobber jabber of all kinds. I think it's the human interaction protocol. I can't control it. But it inspires me somehow...To be different. I hate being unoriginal. Not to the point where I wear ridiculous clothing on purpose or proclaim strange things in public. But I don't WANT to be like everyone else. I want to see more. I want to be more. Sometimes I don't even want to be human. Being an animal might be kind of interesting I suppose but emotion and self-realization are too limited. I want to be able to think for myself. So frustrating.
Sometimes I feel like I can watch people from the outside. But I know that somewhere someone some is watching me from the outside and I look just and act just as trivial as most other human beings on this planet.
Things that attract me always catch me by surprise.
The first thing that catches me most often is something that is different.
Not the different that works hard. Not the the different that that uses props to make it seem so. I love the natural different. The different that that is so natural it's like a curtain that falls to the ground. (on another side note I think I'm the only one in the world that understands my absurd analogies haha)
Of course the first thing would be guys. In the past I've fallen for countless guys that fall under this category. I like the weird ones. But different refers to anything and everything. People of all kinds. Books. Movies. Food. Activities. Beliefs. It's infinite.
The second thing that attracts me is simplicity. Something That is so purely simple is so fascinating to me. No covers. Nothing to hide what that thing or person really is. I like being drawn to the simple. It makes me appreciate every crevice that life has to offer. Flowers. Clouds. A good piece of fruit. Feelings. Color. Simplicity is beautiful to me.
Today the clouds covered the while ocean. They weren't in the sky. They were a thin fluffy blanket over the water. It was so breath taking. I felt like I was on an island in the sky.
The most beautiful simple person I've experienced to date is my love. My amazing boyfriend. He's so pure. So predictable and innocent. I love it. I love watching him live his life. His love is so pure and wonderful. Everything he says and does isnt anything unpredictable which is why I love it. He is very old fashioned. He follows every protocol that an older society would expect from a boyfriend. So simple and predictable but it's still amazing to me. His romantic words and wooing actions make me feel like I'm living in an old English novel. Mmm.
I wish I could keep writing. But it's time for dance. So much for a mini blog haha :)
Staples
Blogbooster yay! So I'm with Tracy and she needed my assistance in procrastinating so we went to staples just now and then beauty supply and now she is getting coffee. I have nothing to do today. :) so I'm just hanging out and around. I have class later and dance practice for performing. We got the steps down last night and now we just need to set choreography. I'm driving us to the second performance so that should be fun. We perform in the afternoon and then again at night. Two birds with one stone.
I'm really excited to go home again. I miss everything. And this time I'll be able to relax when I do.
Goodbye for now
I'm really excited to go home again. I miss everything. And this time I'll be able to relax when I do.
Goodbye for now
5 Sentence Challenge
My eyes are very droopy. Can't stop thinking about you. Thank you for putting up with me. I don't deserve it but thank you. I hope I dream about us.
Wednesday, March 02, 2011
Just Finished
Just finished New Moon :) Very good!
Moving onto Eclipse!!!
Also the new iPad is very pretty....and the smart cover is genius.
The trees outside my window are in a thick haze of fog now. We are officially in clouds. I can see it moving by. As haunting as it may seem, the trees in the haze is actually quite beautiful. I'm not looking forward to walking through it though.
They are having college night at Porter so I may have to walk further to get dinner. Depends what the gang is doing.
And then since I am performing twice on Saturday, I have performance practices. One is today and one is tomorrow. So I will have to travel myself over to OPERS by 7:15 blah. Of course its on the other side of campus.
I have to do laundry and go shopping for more food and more shampoo and conditioner. I'm running out :( Not too much food though because I'm going home in two weekends :D And been is paying for half gas. Which is awesome. I'm going to try to take a picture of this fog. Its pretty intense.
Anyway. I'm going to start Eclipse and read until Dinner time. peace out!
Moving onto Eclipse!!!
Also the new iPad is very pretty....and the smart cover is genius.
The trees outside my window are in a thick haze of fog now. We are officially in clouds. I can see it moving by. As haunting as it may seem, the trees in the haze is actually quite beautiful. I'm not looking forward to walking through it though.
They are having college night at Porter so I may have to walk further to get dinner. Depends what the gang is doing.
And then since I am performing twice on Saturday, I have performance practices. One is today and one is tomorrow. So I will have to travel myself over to OPERS by 7:15 blah. Of course its on the other side of campus.
I have to do laundry and go shopping for more food and more shampoo and conditioner. I'm running out :( Not too much food though because I'm going home in two weekends :D And been is paying for half gas. Which is awesome. I'm going to try to take a picture of this fog. Its pretty intense.
Anyway. I'm going to start Eclipse and read until Dinner time. peace out!
Nothing
I have absolutely nothing to do. It feels amazing after the test I had to take last night. I'm going to try to finish Eclipse and Breaking Dawn asap.
Its so pretty here after it rains. The moss is always a really fresh green. So beautiful.
I'm also going to try to work out more now that I'm not stressin' over that dumb test. Ralph wants me to go with him later so I will. I REALLY need to do laundry though. Maybe I should just do that now hmm....
The view from my window is just forest. Its very soothing to just hang out in my room and listen to music with the shades open. Very pretty indeed.
Hahahhaah I have my door open and Jeremy locked Ryan out of his room. Cracking me up.
Living situation for next year: Ben, Brian, Me, Jeff. Maybes: Tracy, Raymond, Marina.
The maybe's are because Tracy and Raymond applied to be RA's and we don't know if they will get it or not. Raymond is a double maybe because he and Ben are having some unspoken issues. Neither have confronted yet. One will crack soon enough. Marina is a maybe for a few reasons. She might live with her other friends but also because if Tracy and Raymond decide to live with us, then there is no room because the largest apartments hold 5 people. Sooo for sure right now its just the three of us BUT if Marina, AND tracy decide to not live with us then I might be out because I don't want to be the only girl in the household.
We shall see!
I'm glad to be living with them though. They are all super chill and very considerate.
I'm really excited to go home too. I'm going to work at the zoo :D Yay!! more money AND I get to facepaint, which I miss a lot.
Okay so I have to go figure out my classes and then I'm going to read for a bit :)
peace!
Its so pretty here after it rains. The moss is always a really fresh green. So beautiful.
I'm also going to try to work out more now that I'm not stressin' over that dumb test. Ralph wants me to go with him later so I will. I REALLY need to do laundry though. Maybe I should just do that now hmm....
The view from my window is just forest. Its very soothing to just hang out in my room and listen to music with the shades open. Very pretty indeed.
Hahahhaah I have my door open and Jeremy locked Ryan out of his room. Cracking me up.
Living situation for next year: Ben, Brian, Me, Jeff. Maybes: Tracy, Raymond, Marina.
The maybe's are because Tracy and Raymond applied to be RA's and we don't know if they will get it or not. Raymond is a double maybe because he and Ben are having some unspoken issues. Neither have confronted yet. One will crack soon enough. Marina is a maybe for a few reasons. She might live with her other friends but also because if Tracy and Raymond decide to live with us, then there is no room because the largest apartments hold 5 people. Sooo for sure right now its just the three of us BUT if Marina, AND tracy decide to not live with us then I might be out because I don't want to be the only girl in the household.
We shall see!
I'm glad to be living with them though. They are all super chill and very considerate.
I'm really excited to go home too. I'm going to work at the zoo :D Yay!! more money AND I get to facepaint, which I miss a lot.
Okay so I have to go figure out my classes and then I'm going to read for a bit :)
peace!
Tuesday, March 01, 2011
Ivonne
Dear Ivonne,
You are just the sweet hearts of all sweethearts.
HAHA and you crack me up. You just called me from your room and blasted the twelve days of Christmas. That is officially the second Christmas carol you've sung today.
Anyway. For one thing especially, I would like to say thank you. Its not just you. A lot of people have done this but you have been especially gracious on the issue. Thank you for being so welcoming and nice to my boyfriend. I really do love him so much and I want everyone else to at least be welcoming to him. Unfortunately there have been a few people, some being my closest of friends who have not been so welcoming. On the first night I took him to hang out with my friends, there was only one who was slightly welcoming at all and that really hurt me. Of all the people to be the nicest and welcoming of someone I love, I would have thought that my closer friends would be among them. One of them was even a family member. Being hurt by the way that they welcomed him, I became scared to introduce him to anyone for fear of them treating him that way.
People that I have known for less time have been have been so nice to him... It really meant a lot to me that my floormates were so nice and welcoming to him like he was apart of our family too. Ivonne especially. When everyone bombarded him with small talk and welcomes I almost cried out of happiness. Why couldn't my closer friends do this? So heart breaking. Because even though Brandon is shy, he is really amazing.
Ivonne! Ivonne. She loves asking me abotu my boyfriend and telling me how cute we are and hearing stories, and visa versa. And not just the good stuff but the stressful stuff. You and I talk about both sides. And for that I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You truly are a special person and you're AWESOME. Just wish you didn't go home so often so that we could hang out more :(
with love from yer gurl,
mag
You are just the sweet hearts of all sweethearts.
HAHA and you crack me up. You just called me from your room and blasted the twelve days of Christmas. That is officially the second Christmas carol you've sung today.
Anyway. For one thing especially, I would like to say thank you. Its not just you. A lot of people have done this but you have been especially gracious on the issue. Thank you for being so welcoming and nice to my boyfriend. I really do love him so much and I want everyone else to at least be welcoming to him. Unfortunately there have been a few people, some being my closest of friends who have not been so welcoming. On the first night I took him to hang out with my friends, there was only one who was slightly welcoming at all and that really hurt me. Of all the people to be the nicest and welcoming of someone I love, I would have thought that my closer friends would be among them. One of them was even a family member. Being hurt by the way that they welcomed him, I became scared to introduce him to anyone for fear of them treating him that way.
People that I have known for less time have been have been so nice to him... It really meant a lot to me that my floormates were so nice and welcoming to him like he was apart of our family too. Ivonne especially. When everyone bombarded him with small talk and welcomes I almost cried out of happiness. Why couldn't my closer friends do this? So heart breaking. Because even though Brandon is shy, he is really amazing.
Ivonne! Ivonne. She loves asking me abotu my boyfriend and telling me how cute we are and hearing stories, and visa versa. And not just the good stuff but the stressful stuff. You and I talk about both sides. And for that I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You truly are a special person and you're AWESOME. Just wish you didn't go home so often so that we could hang out more :(
with love from yer gurl,
mag
Tired
Ivonne and I are sick of studying. She is sleeping on the couch next to me. I'm really not looking forward to this test.
But after this I'm done with everything basically. I was going to spend two full weeks at home but Ben begged me to stay until his last final so he could have a ride, so I made another deal with him. He now owes me lunch and lots of gas money :)
I'm supposed to wake up Ivonne in 5 mins. I really don't want to keep studying.... I need at least a 56% on this test and I'll be good but I don't want a 56%. I want a good grade obviously.
Ivonne is such a sweetheart though. Its too bad she goes home so often. She saw that I was freaking out and crying earlier and tried to make me feel better and it worked. She's hilarious.
I'm also exhausted cause the dang fire alarm woke us up this morning at 5 am and we didn't get to go back inside until almost 6. Ugh. It was freezing.
I know she'll curve it but I really hope I don't blow this test. Gah. Time to wake up Ivonne.
Back to studying.
But after this I'm done with everything basically. I was going to spend two full weeks at home but Ben begged me to stay until his last final so he could have a ride, so I made another deal with him. He now owes me lunch and lots of gas money :)
I'm supposed to wake up Ivonne in 5 mins. I really don't want to keep studying.... I need at least a 56% on this test and I'll be good but I don't want a 56%. I want a good grade obviously.
Ivonne is such a sweetheart though. Its too bad she goes home so often. She saw that I was freaking out and crying earlier and tried to make me feel better and it worked. She's hilarious.
I'm also exhausted cause the dang fire alarm woke us up this morning at 5 am and we didn't get to go back inside until almost 6. Ugh. It was freezing.
I know she'll curve it but I really hope I don't blow this test. Gah. Time to wake up Ivonne.
Back to studying.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Boyfriend Survey
I know you were feeling down yesterday hun so I thought this might cheer you up. I love you :)
| The Ultimate Boyfriend Survey Created by fr0z3nfire and taken 9607 times on Bzoink | |
| History | |
| Where did you two first meet?: | In front of a school by his house |
| When exactly did you two first meet?: | in the middle of the day around noon? |
| What was your first impression of him?: | Wonderfulness and shock that I was finally with him |
| When did you start liking him?: | The first night we talked. |
| When did you two start going out?: | maybe like 3 months later? |
| How was with your first kiss with him like?: | AMAZING and 3 hours long <3 |
| Is he your first boyfriend? If not, then which?: | Yes he is my first real boyfriend <3 |
| Are you his first girlfriend? If not, then which?: | I am his first girlfriend :) |
| About Him | |
| How much older/younger is he compared to you?: | He is about 2 years younger than I am |
| Hair colour?: | Dark dark brown. Almost black |
| Eye colour?: | A heart melting hazel |
| Build?: | AMAZING :) |
| Astrological sign?: | erm. I know his birthday... |
| Skin colour?: | Light tan |
| Race/ethnicity?: | White haha |
| Nationality?: | Czechoslovakian I think? |
| Religion?: | Catholic |
| Glasses?: | Nope |
| Piercings?: | nope |
| Tattoos?: | nope |
| Chest hair?: | ahahhahahah oh my goodness |
| Scars? Where?: | none <3 |
| Know where's his birthmark if he has one?: | none |
| Smart/not?: | SMART smart cookie |
| Sarcastic/not?: | not sarcastic |
| Humourous/not?: | yes he is humorous |
| Possessive/not?: | Extremely lol <3 |
| Patient/not?: | Not patient |
| Affectionate/not?: | Overwhelmingly affectionate...love it. |
| Protective/not?: | Yes protective |
| Clingy/not?: | yes clingy but its okay cause I'm clingy too :) |
| Expressive/not?: | Sometimes |
| Talkative/quiet?: | Quiet <3 |
| Outgoing/shy?: | Shy :) |
| Party animal/Stay at home kind?: | Stay at homer <3 |
| Sporty/not?: | not sporty |
| Artistic/not?: | Very artistic. I love his work. |
| Practical or more of the dreamy type?: | DREAMY. Heart swooning dreamy. <3 |
| His skills | |
| Can he cook or bake?: | YES! |
| Can he repair/fix things?: | yes! |
| Can he dance?: | yes :D |
| Can he sing?: | yes :) |
| Can he draw?: | OF COURSE! He's good |
| Can he play any instrument?: | I'm not sure... |
| Can he write well?: | depends? |
| Can he make you laugh?: | yes :) |
| Can he make others laugh?: | yes :) |
| What is his talent if he has found it?: | I love his art and his love is one of a kind. |
| Is he good at science and math?: | Yes he is |
| Things you like about him | |
| What do you like about the things he say?: | The butterflies and emotions that result from it. |
| What do you like about the things he does?: | Same answer :) He makes me happy. |
| What do you like about the things he does FOR YOU?: | He does them to keep both of us happy <3 |
| What part of his face do you like the most?: | eyes <3 |
| What part of his body do you like the most?: | Toughie |
| What part of his personality do you like the most?: | His compassion |
| What do you most admire about him?: | His romance. |
| What part of him attracts you the most?: | Everything! |
| Do you know what attracts him to you?: | No idea hahaha. he be crazy |
| Random quirks | |
| Is he a pet lover?: | Yes indeed |
| Animal lover?: | yes |
| Is he environmental-friendly?: | sometimes |
| What are his views on political issues?: | No idea |
| Is he racist?: | nope! |
| Is he a vegetarian?: | nope |
| Does he drink?: | sometimes |
| Smoke?: | NEVER thank goodness |
| Curse?: | sometimes |
| Sleep around?: | noooooooooo |
| Abuse drugs?: | nooooo |
| Is he hairy?: | not really |
| Does he donate to beggars?: | No idea |
| Is he neat/messy?: | messy haha :) |
| His love life | |
| Is he a romantic? Self-professed or closet?: | ROMANTIC hands down |
| Is he sentimental?: | yes |
| How did he woo you?: | he did :) |
| Does he give you flowers?: | He has :) |
| Does he lavish you with gifts?: | he tries haha :) |
| Does he pay for your meals/tickets/etc?: | yes <3 |
| Is he okay with confessing his love for you in public?: | He is more than okay with that <3 |
| Does he express his love for you in words or actions?: | Always <3 |
| Things you don't like about him (though you accept his faults) | |
| Any habits of his that you dislike?: | His worryness |
| Any part of his appearance that you dislike?: | Nope! |
| Any part of his character that you dislike?: | The part of him that self-loathes. It hurts me.. |
| Your feelings for him | |
| So..how long have you two been together?: | About 2 years |
| Do you truly love him?: | Of course |
| Does he truly love you?: | I think so :) |
| Can you envision marrying him?: | I can <3 |
| You've been totally Bzoink*d! Take This Survey | Search Surveys | Create a Survey  | |
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Divorce
My cousin is getting divorced. Honestly I'm not surprised at all. She has made fun of me as a little kid before and she can be extremely inconsiderate and self-centered. I'm just really really saddened that she is getting a divorce because of her child. I don't know how she and her husband made such a wonderful child, but she is just spectacular. Annabel is one of the sweetest little cousins I have and she doesn't deserve this.
I can't say that they haven't tried everything but I'm just really really disappointed that they aren't pulling this together for her. Annabel deserves a lot better than that.
So sad and disappointed.
I can't say that they haven't tried everything but I'm just really really disappointed that they aren't pulling this together for her. Annabel deserves a lot better than that.
So sad and disappointed.
Last Two Days and Life
These last two days were really really fun. I hung out with my floormates mostly. On friday we drank and ordered pizza and hung out in brian's room. Only some of us got drunk. So fun. We watched one episode of jersey shore and 6 episodes of the walking dead. @.@ We didn't go to sleep until like 4 in the morning. GOOD show though! Its about zombies.
And then this morning it snowed!!! I got up around 11 to look at it out my window and then I went back to sleep. I woke up around 2:30 and read for awhile and then got food with ting, tracy, and jeff. The lady there read ting's name and called him tina! hahahah. So I've been calling him tina all night. Then we sat in the hall and ate food and socialized. My floormates are some really awesome people. Then they wanted me to bust out my paints and I face painted a lot of people. That was really fun actually :) And then Tracy and I made an ice cream run and we ate ice cream in ting's room with jeff, ting, and jason. Raymond gave us some good laughs and Jeremy showed us the sparks in his shirt. Then I came back to my room around 1:30.
So basically today i got no studying done :D yay! Worth it though. I'm going to have to buckle down tomorrow.
Then just now. while I was brushing my teeth, raymond decided to let us know that he was pooping hahahahhah and then told me the three levels of snoring: Heavy breathing, the snore, and the choke. So funny. He cracks me up.
Anyway I'm really liking this life. My floormate family is really awesome. They are some really awesome people. And I LOVE dance. So freaking fun.
DANCE DANCE DANCE makes everything worth it. I've found my nitch in which partners I dance better with and I'm performing twice this next saturday and I'm SO excited to do that.
And tomorrow we are finishing up tabasco :) I've learned like 5 or 6 regions in one month. SO AWESOME!!!!
I read midnight sun and more than half of new moon in the last 3 days. LOTS of reading. They are so good though. I can't wait to get through the rest of them.
Today and yesterday were super fun.
Anyway. So thats life right now :)
And then this morning it snowed!!! I got up around 11 to look at it out my window and then I went back to sleep. I woke up around 2:30 and read for awhile and then got food with ting, tracy, and jeff. The lady there read ting's name and called him tina! hahahah. So I've been calling him tina all night. Then we sat in the hall and ate food and socialized. My floormates are some really awesome people. Then they wanted me to bust out my paints and I face painted a lot of people. That was really fun actually :) And then Tracy and I made an ice cream run and we ate ice cream in ting's room with jeff, ting, and jason. Raymond gave us some good laughs and Jeremy showed us the sparks in his shirt. Then I came back to my room around 1:30.
So basically today i got no studying done :D yay! Worth it though. I'm going to have to buckle down tomorrow.
Then just now. while I was brushing my teeth, raymond decided to let us know that he was pooping hahahahhah and then told me the three levels of snoring: Heavy breathing, the snore, and the choke. So funny. He cracks me up.
Anyway I'm really liking this life. My floormate family is really awesome. They are some really awesome people. And I LOVE dance. So freaking fun.
DANCE DANCE DANCE makes everything worth it. I've found my nitch in which partners I dance better with and I'm performing twice this next saturday and I'm SO excited to do that.
And tomorrow we are finishing up tabasco :) I've learned like 5 or 6 regions in one month. SO AWESOME!!!!
I read midnight sun and more than half of new moon in the last 3 days. LOTS of reading. They are so good though. I can't wait to get through the rest of them.
Today and yesterday were super fun.
Anyway. So thats life right now :)
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Unintended
This is just so painfully beautiful. I can't stop listening to it. Amazing
You could be my unintended
Choice to live my life extended
You could be the one I'll always love
You could be the one who listens to my deepest inquisitions
You could be the one I'll always love
I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before
First there was the one who challenged
All my dreams and all my balance
She could never be as good as you
You could be my unintended
Choice to live my life extended
You should be the one I'll always love
I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before
I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before
Before you
You could be my unintended
Choice to live my life extended
You could be the one I'll always love
You could be the one who listens to my deepest inquisitions
You could be the one I'll always love
I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before
First there was the one who challenged
All my dreams and all my balance
She could never be as good as you
You could be my unintended
Choice to live my life extended
You should be the one I'll always love
I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before
I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before
Before you
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Updates
I know I've named so many of my entrees this but I don't know what else to call it!
What I'm doing right now:
Talking to my love and playing scrabble with jeff on fb while listening to some good music.
What's been on my mind:
So many things....I'm actually kind of depressed at the moment. Stephenie Meyer really has a talent for capturing the reader. Reading her books just takes me to a whole different place. Transitioning from reading to coming back to the real world is so hard. And for like 15 mins after I just sulk because compared to what is happening in the book, I feel like mine is nothing too special. Which is such a shame because the people in my life certainly don't deserve that kind of mentality from me. And then I feel guilty for feeling like my life isn't good enough. Oh the emotions of coming back to what is reality.... That means its a good book. I really want to finish New Moon pronto so I can stop being depressed all the time.
sigh.
I'm going to watch glee on hulu now and then see if I can get my life as liz somewhere.
What I'm doing right now:
Talking to my love and playing scrabble with jeff on fb while listening to some good music.
What's been on my mind:
So many things....I'm actually kind of depressed at the moment. Stephenie Meyer really has a talent for capturing the reader. Reading her books just takes me to a whole different place. Transitioning from reading to coming back to the real world is so hard. And for like 15 mins after I just sulk because compared to what is happening in the book, I feel like mine is nothing too special. Which is such a shame because the people in my life certainly don't deserve that kind of mentality from me. And then I feel guilty for feeling like my life isn't good enough. Oh the emotions of coming back to what is reality.... That means its a good book. I really want to finish New Moon pronto so I can stop being depressed all the time.
sigh.
I'm going to watch glee on hulu now and then see if I can get my life as liz somewhere.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
339
Soooo Tracy and I were going to get up early but that didn't happen. I'm glad I got the extra sleep anyway.
I was having dinner with Joel and Alvaro the other night. Met Alvaro through Tracy a few times. He's a cool dude. Met Joel at Harry's Party. Joel and Harry are English so I was talking to Joel about music. Totally awesome because most of my favorite bands are from England. And Joel has SEEN MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS! So Jealousssss. And he told me to listen to Micachu and the Shapes and I LOVE IT! Dancedancedancenancanyayayay. Golden phone is really gooooddddd. Can't stop dancing to that.
I was really excited about that!
p.s. Why is the cave so popular a year after it comes out hmm? LOVELY song though! So tender. He has an awesome voice.
Also kind of Disappointed with Lady' Gaga's new song. Cute and Catchy! But nothing that I haven't heard before. I'd download it haha She got some points for the way she talked about God and the message is nice for once. Although a bit hypocritical...
Okay I need to get dressed. We are all going to go eat soon.
339=339th blog post. I've come a long way eh?
peace!
I was having dinner with Joel and Alvaro the other night. Met Alvaro through Tracy a few times. He's a cool dude. Met Joel at Harry's Party. Joel and Harry are English so I was talking to Joel about music. Totally awesome because most of my favorite bands are from England. And Joel has SEEN MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS! So Jealousssss. And he told me to listen to Micachu and the Shapes and I LOVE IT! Dancedancedancenancanyayayay. Golden phone is really gooooddddd. Can't stop dancing to that.
I was really excited about that!
p.s. Why is the cave so popular a year after it comes out hmm? LOVELY song though! So tender. He has an awesome voice.
Also kind of Disappointed with Lady' Gaga's new song. Cute and Catchy! But nothing that I haven't heard before. I'd download it haha She got some points for the way she talked about God and the message is nice for once. Although a bit hypocritical...
Okay I need to get dressed. We are all going to go eat soon.
339=339th blog post. I've come a long way eh?
peace!
GOOD
Things have been going really really well! I'm so blessed that I made it here.
I had an amazing weekend with Brandon and I got valentines from him, Jeremy, jenna, and Alexis. Alexis gave us condom lollipops! Hahahahaha too funny. I go a heart from jenna. I got skittles from Jeremy and a sticker. I got flowers,dinner, and MUSIC!!! from Brandon. He knows how much I love my music :) and he actually got me some really good stuff!! I'm surprised at our recent music compatability
Anyway today was pretty chill and awesome.
What I did today:
woke up next to Brandon. So priceless.
Watched some morning tv with him <3
Then he dropped me off at school and I had class until 12. Then I ate and took a shower.
Then Ivonne and I went to office hours for my TA cause we a test tomorrow.
Came back from office hours.
Made my animal tattoo valentines for everyone on the floor.
The kids loved them!
Took a much needed nap.
Ate with Tracy.
Went to dance.
Busted my ass at Nayarit costa, Jalisco, and durango.
So much freaking fun!!
Signed up for a performance finally :)
Came back to my room. Cleaned up my crap.
Talked online to Brandon.
Ate with ben and Brian and Raymond. Those kids freaking crack me up.
Came back and sat in the hall with Tracy, Jeff, Brian, ben, and mike. Love those kids.
Then me, Tracy, Brian, and ben did some more serious talking in ben's room.
Then got ready for bed and here I'm lying now.
Good day
Good weekend
Even better weekend coming up!!!!!!!
I am SOOO excited for this weekend!!!
Driving with ben down to LA.
Going to a wedding on Saturday.
Going to SD after that until late Sunday night!! :D
Then back to LA Monday to spend it with Brandon.
Then tuesday ben and I drive back.
Action packed. Can't wait.
Also I've been working on my novel which is extremely engrossing. When I stop writing it takes me a few seconds to remember where I am. It's really pretty amazing actually. I want to make a good dent on it by the summer!
I need too make a to do list.
Gonna fall asleep reading me some twilight.
G'night
I had an amazing weekend with Brandon and I got valentines from him, Jeremy, jenna, and Alexis. Alexis gave us condom lollipops! Hahahahaha too funny. I go a heart from jenna. I got skittles from Jeremy and a sticker. I got flowers,dinner, and MUSIC!!! from Brandon. He knows how much I love my music :) and he actually got me some really good stuff!! I'm surprised at our recent music compatability
Anyway today was pretty chill and awesome.
What I did today:
woke up next to Brandon. So priceless.
Watched some morning tv with him <3
Then he dropped me off at school and I had class until 12. Then I ate and took a shower.
Then Ivonne and I went to office hours for my TA cause we a test tomorrow.
Came back from office hours.
Made my animal tattoo valentines for everyone on the floor.
The kids loved them!
Took a much needed nap.
Ate with Tracy.
Went to dance.
Busted my ass at Nayarit costa, Jalisco, and durango.
So much freaking fun!!
Signed up for a performance finally :)
Came back to my room. Cleaned up my crap.
Talked online to Brandon.
Ate with ben and Brian and Raymond. Those kids freaking crack me up.
Came back and sat in the hall with Tracy, Jeff, Brian, ben, and mike. Love those kids.
Then me, Tracy, Brian, and ben did some more serious talking in ben's room.
Then got ready for bed and here I'm lying now.
Good day
Good weekend
Even better weekend coming up!!!!!!!
I am SOOO excited for this weekend!!!
Driving with ben down to LA.
Going to a wedding on Saturday.
Going to SD after that until late Sunday night!! :D
Then back to LA Monday to spend it with Brandon.
Then tuesday ben and I drive back.
Action packed. Can't wait.
Also I've been working on my novel which is extremely engrossing. When I stop writing it takes me a few seconds to remember where I am. It's really pretty amazing actually. I want to make a good dent on it by the summer!
I need too make a to do list.
Gonna fall asleep reading me some twilight.
G'night
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Procrastination
Gah I really have to finish my study guide for tomorrow's midterm. That's today's only goal.
I had a really weird dream. I woke up depressed. Like I had a really bad day and I just wanted to sit there and cry. I don't remember what happened in my dream but it sucks to wake up in a crummy mood. I remember being in a room full of people. But thats it.
Things have been good on this end. Just crazy busy. I haven't watched my movies in like a week. Thats really saying something. haha
Okay I really have to try and do hw now. Blargh.
I had a really weird dream. I woke up depressed. Like I had a really bad day and I just wanted to sit there and cry. I don't remember what happened in my dream but it sucks to wake up in a crummy mood. I remember being in a room full of people. But thats it.
Things have been good on this end. Just crazy busy. I haven't watched my movies in like a week. Thats really saying something. haha
Okay I really have to try and do hw now. Blargh.
The Day We Met
I did not know what I was getting into. I was in love with a boy who I had never met. All I knew was that I couldn't stand staying away from him any longer. I needed to be with him. After months of talking to him and wanting to know every insignificant detail of his life, I wanted to meet him. I want to talk to him and hold his hand.
I was terrified of course. Know one knew that I was in love with him. I had mentioned him to my sister but she did not know how I truly felt for him. If I had a friend who told me she was in love with someone who she had never meant, I would have been quick to judge like most. For that reason I did not tell anyone that I was driving two hours on veterans day to meet him. I used my books as an excuse.
He was terrified of meeting me too. But I couldn't wait any longer.
I was fine the whole drive up there until I exited off of the freeway. My hands started sweating and I couldn't stop fidgeting. I could hear my heart beating and I felt sick to my stomach. I parked on what I thought was the block he lived on. I walked and walked but I could not find his house. I was lost.
I started becoming more anxious because I was impatient and more nervous than I had ever been in my life. I almost got back into my car and drove home. I also had a cold and it was taking a toll on my consciousness and energy. I texted him that I was lost and he asked me what I saw. I told him that I was near a school. He immediately knew which school I was talking about and told me that he would meet me at the intersection on his bike.
So I waited. They were the longest 5 minutes of my life. I was so overwhelmed by everything. I loved him but what if he did not love me? I already knew and decided that no matter what he looked like, I would still be completely in love with him. I was terrified that he would take one look at me and he would not feel the same way. No guy had loved me before....why would he be any different?
I have never been so vulnerable than I was then. He had complete control over me....over my heart.
I was shaking and trying so desperately to not have a panic attack in the intersection I was waiting in.
And then I saw him. I saw him riding his bike. He crossed the street so that he was on the opposite side of the intersection, right in front of the school. I looked both ways and ran across the first street. Then I called his name.
"Brandon!" He didn't hear me. I was so desperate to get to him but I had to wait for the walk sign. I saw him get out his phone and I called him again, "Brandon!". I waved and he saw me and put his phone away.
I was standing as far at the edge of the curb as I could go.
I bit my lip impatiently waiting for the stupid light to change and when it did I was free. I ran to him and before we had time for anything I instantly wrapped my arms around him. I tried to breathe normally. I was still extremely nervous. I took a step back and looked at him.
"Are you okay? Are you still breathing?" He had a look on his face like he didn't understand what was happening but he nodded.
I frowned at him, "I got lost and I parked way over there..."
I took his hand in mine and wrapped my fingers with.
He walked me to my car and then rode his bike back to his house. I followed him and parked in front of it. He showed me around his house all the while I did my best to not let go of his hand. He took me up to his room and showed me some photos of a family vacation. I sat on his bed and he sat in his chair. I was clutching a tub of wipes I found in his garage. I was sick and I was determined to not get him sick.
At one point while we were in his room, we were both silent. The perfect moment for a kiss. I stared at him for a moment wanting to kiss him so badly. The guy I was in love with was sitting 3 feet in front of me... I was sick though. And I had no idea if he even loved me or if he was just being nice.
I didn't want to leave but I had to get home in time. I made him promise to wipe everything down before I left. When I wrapped my arms around him, I didn't want to move. If he didn't feel the same way, this would be my last chance to have this...
I left reluctantly and thought about everything as I drove home.
When I got home I got online instantly so that I could talk to him. I wanted to know what that day meant for him. I already knew what I felt.
And then we talked about it. He still cared for me. He felt the same feelings I felt that day. He wasn't sure if I still loved him or if I was just being nice to get through the day.
And then I exploded. My heart exploded!! Every thought was about him. Every cell in my body gushed with blissful happiness. Nothing else mattered. He loved me. I loved him. We were in love. I felt all of the glory of having my first true love.
It was amazing....Like nothing I had ever felt.
I needed to be with him again. I needed to touch him and be in his presence. And soon after I snuck out. I snuck out of my house and drove in the middle of the night to be with him. This time being unsick, I was hoping for a kiss.
He snuck me into his room and he put on Mulan for us to watch. Everything was so immediately natural for us. He sat against the wall and I sat facing him, snuggled up against him with his arms around me.
Then he said, "There is something I want to do before I forget..." Then he bent down and kissed my cheek. I couldn't help but smile. I turned my head and put my hands on his face and kissed him. And he kissed me back. I was in a different world. There was nothing better than locking lips with the guy I was completely in love with. He kept his arms around me and occasionally ran his fingers through my hair. It was so exhilarating. It was perfect. Before we knew it the movie was over but we hadn't even noticed. We were too busy preoccupied with each other. I almost cried out of happiness when he told me that he loved me. To hear his voice say it out loud and to be so close to him at the same time was just out of this world.
I'm so grateful that God brought Brandon into my life. No one has made me happier than he has. I still lie in his arms sometimes and think to myself how lucky I am to have him. I could stare at him and touch his face forever. He constantly holds doors open for me and tells me I'm beautiful. He tells me how amazing I am and does so much for me.
Whether this last forever or not, it's true. Its true love. I am one of the luckiest people on this planet to have him as my boyfriend.
I was terrified of course. Know one knew that I was in love with him. I had mentioned him to my sister but she did not know how I truly felt for him. If I had a friend who told me she was in love with someone who she had never meant, I would have been quick to judge like most. For that reason I did not tell anyone that I was driving two hours on veterans day to meet him. I used my books as an excuse.
He was terrified of meeting me too. But I couldn't wait any longer.
I was fine the whole drive up there until I exited off of the freeway. My hands started sweating and I couldn't stop fidgeting. I could hear my heart beating and I felt sick to my stomach. I parked on what I thought was the block he lived on. I walked and walked but I could not find his house. I was lost.
I started becoming more anxious because I was impatient and more nervous than I had ever been in my life. I almost got back into my car and drove home. I also had a cold and it was taking a toll on my consciousness and energy. I texted him that I was lost and he asked me what I saw. I told him that I was near a school. He immediately knew which school I was talking about and told me that he would meet me at the intersection on his bike.
So I waited. They were the longest 5 minutes of my life. I was so overwhelmed by everything. I loved him but what if he did not love me? I already knew and decided that no matter what he looked like, I would still be completely in love with him. I was terrified that he would take one look at me and he would not feel the same way. No guy had loved me before....why would he be any different?
I have never been so vulnerable than I was then. He had complete control over me....over my heart.
I was shaking and trying so desperately to not have a panic attack in the intersection I was waiting in.
And then I saw him. I saw him riding his bike. He crossed the street so that he was on the opposite side of the intersection, right in front of the school. I looked both ways and ran across the first street. Then I called his name.
"Brandon!" He didn't hear me. I was so desperate to get to him but I had to wait for the walk sign. I saw him get out his phone and I called him again, "Brandon!". I waved and he saw me and put his phone away.
I was standing as far at the edge of the curb as I could go.
I bit my lip impatiently waiting for the stupid light to change and when it did I was free. I ran to him and before we had time for anything I instantly wrapped my arms around him. I tried to breathe normally. I was still extremely nervous. I took a step back and looked at him.
"Are you okay? Are you still breathing?" He had a look on his face like he didn't understand what was happening but he nodded.
I frowned at him, "I got lost and I parked way over there..."
I took his hand in mine and wrapped my fingers with.
He walked me to my car and then rode his bike back to his house. I followed him and parked in front of it. He showed me around his house all the while I did my best to not let go of his hand. He took me up to his room and showed me some photos of a family vacation. I sat on his bed and he sat in his chair. I was clutching a tub of wipes I found in his garage. I was sick and I was determined to not get him sick.
At one point while we were in his room, we were both silent. The perfect moment for a kiss. I stared at him for a moment wanting to kiss him so badly. The guy I was in love with was sitting 3 feet in front of me... I was sick though. And I had no idea if he even loved me or if he was just being nice.
I didn't want to leave but I had to get home in time. I made him promise to wipe everything down before I left. When I wrapped my arms around him, I didn't want to move. If he didn't feel the same way, this would be my last chance to have this...
I left reluctantly and thought about everything as I drove home.
When I got home I got online instantly so that I could talk to him. I wanted to know what that day meant for him. I already knew what I felt.
And then we talked about it. He still cared for me. He felt the same feelings I felt that day. He wasn't sure if I still loved him or if I was just being nice to get through the day.
And then I exploded. My heart exploded!! Every thought was about him. Every cell in my body gushed with blissful happiness. Nothing else mattered. He loved me. I loved him. We were in love. I felt all of the glory of having my first true love.
It was amazing....Like nothing I had ever felt.
I needed to be with him again. I needed to touch him and be in his presence. And soon after I snuck out. I snuck out of my house and drove in the middle of the night to be with him. This time being unsick, I was hoping for a kiss.
He snuck me into his room and he put on Mulan for us to watch. Everything was so immediately natural for us. He sat against the wall and I sat facing him, snuggled up against him with his arms around me.
Then he said, "There is something I want to do before I forget..." Then he bent down and kissed my cheek. I couldn't help but smile. I turned my head and put my hands on his face and kissed him. And he kissed me back. I was in a different world. There was nothing better than locking lips with the guy I was completely in love with. He kept his arms around me and occasionally ran his fingers through my hair. It was so exhilarating. It was perfect. Before we knew it the movie was over but we hadn't even noticed. We were too busy preoccupied with each other. I almost cried out of happiness when he told me that he loved me. To hear his voice say it out loud and to be so close to him at the same time was just out of this world.
I'm so grateful that God brought Brandon into my life. No one has made me happier than he has. I still lie in his arms sometimes and think to myself how lucky I am to have him. I could stare at him and touch his face forever. He constantly holds doors open for me and tells me I'm beautiful. He tells me how amazing I am and does so much for me.
Whether this last forever or not, it's true. Its true love. I am one of the luckiest people on this planet to have him as my boyfriend.
Wednesday, February 09, 2011
Tuesday, February 08, 2011
Wow
Brandon wrote this for me in 2009. He sent it to me before he went to sleep. Its so simple and yet beautiful.
My girlfriend.
The only one I think of.
And I think of you every second.
You are perfect in everyway.
You are beautiful beyond comprehension.
You are stunning in my eyes.
You are the only one I love.
You are the only thing I need.
You are the only one I want.
You are completely mine.
I love you.
I need you.
My life is meaningless without you in it.
I am lucky to have you.
You are beyond anything I ever expected to have.
My existance revolves are you.
You are what my heart beats for.
You are my wife.
And I am all yours in every way and only yours.
Sweet dreams. I love you.
My girlfriend.
The only one I think of.
And I think of you every second.
You are perfect in everyway.
You are beautiful beyond comprehension.
You are stunning in my eyes.
You are the only one I love.
You are the only thing I need.
You are the only one I want.
You are completely mine.
I love you.
I need you.
My life is meaningless without you in it.
I am lucky to have you.
You are beyond anything I ever expected to have.
My existance revolves are you.
You are what my heart beats for.
You are my wife.
And I am all yours in every way and only yours.
Sweet dreams. I love you.
Sunday, February 06, 2011
Lost me
I'm lying here in bed. I can't sleep because I woke up so late this morning.
Good News
For starters I miss my love like I always do but it's not something I can't cope with. Our relationship has gotten better. He is improving a great deal. I only hope he will stay this way when I go home for the summer. We still talk all the time as much as possible in as many forms possible but I still miss him. I am used to this though. Long distance. It's something we are used to. So with the long distance and talking whenever we can it's almost like I'm still in San Diego.
Bad News
I just don't understand you Eddie. Sometimes I think about the fact that you love me from time to time. I feel like I would be an easy person to get over. You and Brandon give me so much more credit as a person than what I really am.
And sometimes I just still don't get it. I don't get it! I don't understand. I do not mean it in an insulting way. I promise. I just can't explain to you how confused my mind is when I hear that you love me. I almost laugh out loud. I don't understand.
How can you be around someone for years and never tell them that you love them? How is that possible.... How can you tease the one you love in a way that you tease everyone else. Not that I think it's mean. Its just strange.
You've treated me like a friend for so long. It feels like it's been like this forever. How could it be any different?
I'm not asking for another explanation. I'm only letting the world know that I am still stumped with the idea.
I'm letting you know why I am so confused.
I know that at some point you'll read this.
You've been really busy recently and talking online hasn't been the same either for some reason.
You have no obligation in any way to talk to me or save any time for me.
But I miss you.
Lost my best friend.
I don't know why but I feel like you lost me. I feel like I lost you too.
Goodnight
Good News
For starters I miss my love like I always do but it's not something I can't cope with. Our relationship has gotten better. He is improving a great deal. I only hope he will stay this way when I go home for the summer. We still talk all the time as much as possible in as many forms possible but I still miss him. I am used to this though. Long distance. It's something we are used to. So with the long distance and talking whenever we can it's almost like I'm still in San Diego.
Bad News
I just don't understand you Eddie. Sometimes I think about the fact that you love me from time to time. I feel like I would be an easy person to get over. You and Brandon give me so much more credit as a person than what I really am.
And sometimes I just still don't get it. I don't get it! I don't understand. I do not mean it in an insulting way. I promise. I just can't explain to you how confused my mind is when I hear that you love me. I almost laugh out loud. I don't understand.
How can you be around someone for years and never tell them that you love them? How is that possible.... How can you tease the one you love in a way that you tease everyone else. Not that I think it's mean. Its just strange.
You've treated me like a friend for so long. It feels like it's been like this forever. How could it be any different?
I'm not asking for another explanation. I'm only letting the world know that I am still stumped with the idea.
I'm letting you know why I am so confused.
I know that at some point you'll read this.
You've been really busy recently and talking online hasn't been the same either for some reason.
You have no obligation in any way to talk to me or save any time for me.
But I miss you.
Lost my best friend.
I don't know why but I feel like you lost me. I feel like I lost you too.
Goodnight
Saturday, February 05, 2011
Honeymoon Sway
So I've been really set on wanting to go to tahiti for my honeymoon but I've been look at some other hotels and I might just change my mind. I will think about it.
For example:
Icehotel in Sweden. SO BEAUTIFUL! And I'm sure there is plenty else to see in Sweden too.
Propeller Island City Lodge, in Germany. There is one room there that is really just out of this world. Amazing and again plenty to see in Germany I think.
Igloo Village in Finland. WOW!!!! just WOW!!!
The Magic Mountain hotel in chile. Just amazing.
Last but not least, a hotel that is in Mexico that is surrounding a bullring. It looks pretty amazing.
SO MANY DECISIONS! I hope I have enough money to go to one of these places.
I've provided pictures to feast your eyes on as well.
DANCE!!
SO! I Figured it was time for some updates. Everything is going spectacular up here :) I really like everything. My floor is my family now and the dorms are my home. Of COURSE I miss my love love and my friends and family and everything at home, BUT I have made a new home and now I have two homes! And I was so scared that I would end up with no home.
I've made some amazing friends we have a lot of fun doing nothing and hanging out in brians room. I just got done hanging out in ben's room with ryan, tracy, raymond, and jeff. Good times good times. These are some really hilarious people.
I have a routine and I'm doing great in my classes so far and
I DANCE! 3 times a week for 3 hours. Its SOOO FUN!! I have met a lot of really cool people in that dance class. We have learned durango and puebla so far and we are learning jalisco I think on sunday. Super excited.
I have to study for two midterms I have this next week which is good timing because I don't have much to do tomorrow. Tracy, Ben and I are going to go to the library tomorrow.
AND! Next weekend my love is coming to visit me!
AND! The weekend after that Eddie is coming to visit me!! And the sunday of THAT weekend I am going to drive to LA and spend a few days down there. So I just need to buckle down in between the weekends and I will have a good time.
Winter formal next saturday bam bam bam
Anyway I've come a long way from being hopelessly alone and homesick the second week of the quarter.
I'm good now :)
I've made some amazing friends we have a lot of fun doing nothing and hanging out in brians room. I just got done hanging out in ben's room with ryan, tracy, raymond, and jeff. Good times good times. These are some really hilarious people.
I have a routine and I'm doing great in my classes so far and
I DANCE! 3 times a week for 3 hours. Its SOOO FUN!! I have met a lot of really cool people in that dance class. We have learned durango and puebla so far and we are learning jalisco I think on sunday. Super excited.
I have to study for two midterms I have this next week which is good timing because I don't have much to do tomorrow. Tracy, Ben and I are going to go to the library tomorrow.
AND! Next weekend my love is coming to visit me!
AND! The weekend after that Eddie is coming to visit me!! And the sunday of THAT weekend I am going to drive to LA and spend a few days down there. So I just need to buckle down in between the weekends and I will have a good time.
Winter formal next saturday bam bam bam
Anyway I've come a long way from being hopelessly alone and homesick the second week of the quarter.
I'm good now :)
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