Lost me

I'm lying here in bed. I can't sleep because I woke up so late this morning.

Good News
For starters I miss my love like I always do but it's not something I can't cope with. Our relationship has gotten better. He is improving a great deal. I only hope he will stay this way when I go home for the summer. We still talk all the time as much as possible in as many forms possible but I still miss him. I am used to this though. Long distance. It's something we are used to. So with the long distance and talking whenever we can it's almost like I'm still in San Diego.

Bad News
I just don't understand you Eddie. Sometimes I think about the fact that you love me from time to time. I feel like I would be an easy person to get over. You and Brandon give me so much more credit as a person than what I really am.

And sometimes I just still don't get it. I don't get it! I don't understand. I do not mean it in an insulting way. I promise. I just can't explain to you how confused my mind is when I hear that you love me. I almost laugh out loud. I don't understand.

How can you be around someone for years and never tell them that you love them? How is that possible.... How can you tease the one you love in a way that you tease everyone else. Not that I think it's mean. Its just strange.

You've treated me like a friend for so long. It feels like it's been like this forever. How could it be any different?

I'm not asking for another explanation. I'm only letting the world know that I am still stumped with the idea.

I'm letting you know why I am so confused.
I know that at some point you'll read this.
You've been really busy recently and talking online hasn't been the same either for some reason.

You have no obligation in any way to talk to me or save any time for me.

But I miss you.

Lost my best friend.

I don't know why but I feel like you lost me. I feel like I lost you too.

Goodnight