I guess!

I guess this is really happening? I'm leaving in less than a month now.
I filled out my housing app today and found out about student loans. I also have to look through the catalog today so I can decide what classes I want.

I made my slug mail account so I have three emails to check now. Fabulous.

They say that I should take 2 classes at the most per quarter that have to do with my major and 1 or 2 elective classes which i am REALLY excited about because then I can take my graphic design or film classes on the side. So awesome.

I'm going to hang out with Jason and misc other at Cantinas and watch some glee in about 10 mins. I'll probably only watch about half because I really need some time with Brandon. I can watch the second half of glee at home.

So much going on. Gah. I need to go pee and then get outta hurr. Maybe I'll write some more later tonight. This helps a lot.

To Do

1.) Move little TV to patio
2.) Buy new hawaiian punch airwick scent. Mine ran out.
3.) Find out who wanted my leaf if I don't want it anymore. Its so pretty though....Second thoughts...
4.) Wrap Rosie's Christmas present for secret santa tonight.
5.) Finish World 1 in Mario
6.) Learn how to random dance better so that catie doesn't hit me every time I try.
7.) Make Christmas list. Better to do it now than later.

Get on it mag! Back to cleaning.

Cleaning

I'm cleaning my room right now. When I say cleaning I mean really cleaning. I mean that everything has to go somewhere. Its all being divided into 4 piles:
1.) Garbage
2.) Swap meet
3.) Storage
4.) School

I have one shelf down and done. It looks so bare. Its kind of scary. I'm used to my room feeling nice and cozy with my light clutter.

I have also been playing super mario bros constantly which is kind of funny. I can't stop playing.

The more recent scare right now is pregnancy. I haven't had my period in 2 months.

GOTCHA! totally kidding. I just had my period. Just thought I'd try and get a scare cheheh

Anyway the REAL scare is that my family and I are having a family therapy session today at 4. I'm kind of scared because things are good right now. I mean the therapy would have nice when my mom was going crazy on me or if she does in the future. Hopefully this family session won't open some kind of can of worms that will just make everything crumble. Scared. The main thing that I would like to cover is my mom's workaholicness. I think that Catie wants to talk about that too. She is there 6 days a week and hours past the end of school. Anywho. I hope it turns out okay. I'm going to keep cleaning and listening to music until then.

peace

Don't Forget

Dear Brandon,

I know that this is hard. I do know that. I know that I'm leaving soon and you've been very pessimistic on whether or not it will work when I leave and it hurts :'(

I can't say that we will last forever but I can't say that we won't but with this attitude it makes it seem extremely difficult to make it work. I'm not giving up. You know that I'm not. You know how many chances I've had to slide out of this. You know how many times I could have said goodbye.

Listen to me. I love you. I love you so much more than I thought I could ever love anyone. I'm not giving up for a long time but I need you to not give up either. Sometimes I feel like you dump your effort onto me and I have to put in the effort for the two of us. I need you to keep trying :'( I feel like you are slowly giving up. It makes me feel like I'm not worth the effort. I know that someone could give you more than I give you and make you a million times more happy than I do, but I love you. And I'm selfish. And I still want you for myself.

But if at some point, if I can see that I cause you only pain in your life and no happiness, I will have to let you go. I love you more than anything on this earth and I want you to be happy.

When I hurt you whether it is my fault or not, I feel pain. The pain I get from hurting you is horrible. And I get this vision. I get an image of a girl somewhere who could make you happier than I could ever make you.

This girl lives closer to you and can be there whenever you need her. This girl doesn't hurt you by hanging out with her friends or going to a school far away. This girl can meet your needs much better than I can.

And as much it tears me apart to imagine you with someone else, I would endure it for you. I would go through the pain of seeing you with someone else so that you could be happy. Whether you find her in a month or in years if I let you go, I know she is out there.

You are so much more amazing than you give yourself credit for.

I know you've heard this a million times and you hate to hear it but I do make time for my friends and family. I know that it hurts you but I care about them too. I haven't been the best girlfriend in the world but I really try :'( It is more difficult to be a good girlfriend from so far away.

Please through all of this....please as I write this in tears.....know that I care about eddie. I do. He means a lot to me and he will forever be apart of my life and family. He's done so much for me and he is always there for me.

But please please don't forget that I love you.
Don't forget that my heart belongs to you.
Don't forget that I ache for you when I'm not with you.
Don't forget that you take me out of this world when I am with you.
Don't forget that your kiss brings me butterflies.
Don't forget that I love you and you have forever changed me whether we are together forever or not.

Please don't forget.

Love,
Magdalena

Perfect

Sometimes when you think things are going bad, it ends up working out perfectly in the end. I'm really glad for this.

Catie is getting much better :) I'm really really glad. When they told me that they were going to test her for HIV I was really freaking out. I love catie a lot. I need her. She's my best friend.

I ate like an old grama today. My jaw locked :( Its been locked for the past two days. It was like that when I woke up. These things usually go away with time so I should be okay in a few days. If not, I told my dad that i'd get it checked out. Also my tongue injury from biting my tongue makes it hard to eat :( Anything that puts pressure on it, makes it hurt. So when I ate lunch I ate slow and like a grama. I had to eat on one side and I had to eat in small pieces since my jaw couldn't open all the way. Lovely.

Grama Magdalena. Someday.

Maybe?

So I guess art is one of those things that I could go into if I really wanted to try. I enjoy doing it I guess but it isn't really my thing I think. I found my sketch pad though. That brought me back.

Also I was brushing my teeth and it was really hard because when I was at Jose's house on friday playing Mario, I got really into it and I bit my tongue. like REALLY hard. It hurts still kinda and I have to eat very cautiously.

Also I have been avoiding showers because our water heater is broken. So if I decide to take a shower, I feel like I'm being hit with ice. Either that or I slowly get used to it like I do at the beach but that takes FOREVER! I might have to ask my friends if I can shower at their houses like a homeless person. I feel so gross right now though. I'm going on day 4 without a shower. gah

GROSS!

Forget You!

ALSO I cannot get over this song. Gwyeneth. You are amazing. Still too bad you couldn't get your hub hub on the show ;D

ALL EDGED PAN??

I didn't even know what to make the title for this blog but I'm sure by the time I finish writing it I will figure out something.

I'm not even sure what to write about. I'm watching oprah right now and she did kind of the coolest thing ever. She filled her audience with people who have given back to their community (like to the extreme), like bunches of super volunteers and people who have done crazy charity work and such and she is giving them CRAPLOADS of free things. They are all so happy. I feel almost as lucky as they are just to see them getting something for doing something for this world. Most of them are crying haha.

I am SO glad that my period is coming to an end. I actually looked into birth control finally. I've actually been more keene about it since steph told me that it cleared up her acne. They other thing I didn't know was that if I take it, I will know exactly when I'm going to have my period. Like DEAD ON know when

WAIT WAIT OMG!!! The next thing oprah is giving away is SO GENIUS!!! I don't know WHO thought of this. OMG!! So she's right, some people just like the edge of a food dish because of the crust that forms against the pan. Omg this pan goes back and forth so that EVERYONE GETS AN EDGE! SO GENIUS! I'll post a picture. So smart. That person is a genius.

anyway so I will know exactly when I will have my period. I would kind of like that so that I dont' have to wait around wondering when its going to come. Its annoying. I also want the birth control to help with my symptoms :( I get everything guh. Bloating, acne, moody, I eat everything, my boobs hurt, I get the worst cramps ever, I get super fatigued. It just stinks so bad. So I should be getting that soon and I really hope the outcome is good. If I don't like what its doing then I'll just stop taking it.

Things are going pretty good I think. I feel good today. I'm not sure what it is. I guess I should say they are going good for me in particular. Eddie has gotten kind of better and I think I believe him because we are having more fun hanging out recently. I've noticed a HUGE difference and its pretty awesome :)

Also Brandon has gotten a million times better at making me laugh too. I'm not sure whats different but he can genuinely make me crack up a lot more often than before.

To have two people close to me, become more close in ANY way, just really makes my day. I'm going to miss both of them terribly when I leave :'(

AND! If catie can keep her food down then she gets to come home today :D I am so glad that she is improving even if its just by a little.

I leave in about 39 days.

Kind of scary.

Brandon knows that I love him more than anything and visa versa, but I really hope that if we don't work out, that we could still be friends. I know that this isn't very likely because he doesn't go down without a fight. But in all seriousness I would love for us to still be okay with each other. I want to be able to check up on him every now and then and have a good chat with him about everything. I know that I can do it but i don't know if he would be up for that. Anyway, we are going to try as best we can to stay together when we go but we will see. Its so far.

But I'm ready for this. I'm ready to move on to the next chapter in my life. I really am.

39 days to get ready. Lets do this.

Negative and Positive

Catie is really really sick :( I hope she'll be okay. She's throwing up and really pale. Its kind of scaring me. I love her so much, and I really hope its not an infection from her finger. She Is resting right now and has an appointment soon so thats good.

Brandon is upset with me again. I hate it when he is upset with me.
A lot of the time I take a general look at Eddie and I think that he would never get upset with me about the things that Brandon does. And sometimes I look at Eddie and think that Brandon would never do some of the things that he does. In other words, they both have their moments.

I could go really deep into the subject but at the end it would say this.
I wouldn't want either of them to change their person for anyone let alone for me. They are both close to me for being themselves.

In the end Brandon knows that I love him and Eddie is still my best friend.

So much going on. Its not fair to give the situation only a few sentences.
I don't have time to go into depth right now anyway.

On a positive note, I finally started my period so my bloatedness will go away soon. Can't wait for that.

I have to go get ready for roseanita's birthday. The end.

Goals

I have some goals set for this week. Goals of all kinds.

*SidesNote* Kanye why are you faced in an awkward position? The camera is behind you. (Gold Digger Music Video)

So anyway I just have some min goals and long term ones that I need to start on.

1. Exercise more.
2. Spend more time with the biffy (whether is in person or just talking)
3. Clean my room hardcore because I don't know who will be going through my stuff when I leave for school.
4. Try not to freak out about leaving for school. Leaving in a month and a half. Keep breathing mag.
5. Tell my family that I love them more often.
6. Sing with dominic more
7. Be more responsible.
8. Help mom More.
9. Make more home videos.
10. Spend more time with esthela
11. Pray more. I haven't had a good converstaion with God in awhile and I kind of miss him. He's given me everything that I have and some recognition every now and then isn't a lot to give.
12. Keep writing novel. I was off to a really good start.

Bam plans for today. Going to mass at 11:30 and then to the store to get stuff for lasanga and salad that we are making for today. We are all going to my Aunt Nina's house this time. I haven't been to this new place yet. Anyway, looking forward to spending time with them. This may be the second to last time I see them before I go off into the real world. My parents should rent out my room while I'm gone for some money. Anyway, I gotta go change.

ps I drank a lot last night and had a good time talking to both mike's and jose and some kid with shaggy hair named anthony. I ate rice and chicken and just had some good convos. Good times. I'm glad I don't get hangovers yay!

PEACE

Soooo Dream?

Updates Updates.... I'm bored out of my mind right now. I'll write about a dream I had about a week ago. Very weird.

I was with a group of people. I didn't know any of them and we were following someone into a dungeon. It was very deep into the castle it was in. I was wearing a black dress and a necklace made of pearls. I had strap on black shoes and I had a big white bow in my shoulder length hair. I followed along with everyone else. Everyone was dressed in dark colors, some holding onto other people. I guess some of them knew each other. They dungeons were lit with hundreds and hundreds of candles. It was a really creepy place to be in. The man that was leading us led us into a smaller dungeon also lit with candles and had us sit on wooden bleachers against the wall. I sat on the second to top bench on the edge. I was scared. The man told us that we were going to be locked away forever. But we were going to be locked away forever with one other person. We got to choose our other person based on how fast we finished making a necklace. So he gave us baskets of beads. They were very very small. They were about the size of a cookie crumb. The necklace had to be all the same color beads though. It couldn't be different beads. this would have been easy except the light was so dim because the candles didn't provide much. When he was telling us all of this I saw a man on the opposite side of the bench of my bench. He had a top hat on and was as tall as I was. He had dark brown skin and a pointy beard. He was wearing a brown plaided suit and a monocle. I have no idea why but I wanted to be paired with this man. I wanted to be stuck wherever I was going to be with that guy. I just HAD to. So when the man said go, I started making my necklace as fast as I could. I poked myself with the needle I was using but I was making good progress. I could see that he was using red beads and I was using yellow ones. He kept looking at another woman and that made me more desperate because I knew that he was going to choose to be with her if he finished before I did. So I worked faster. I worked as fast as I could. About 3/4 of the way through, I saw that he was almost done. I was working so fast that I wasn't sure if I was using all yellow beads. I held up the necklace to the candle light and I started sobbing. I was using light green ones mixed with yellow ones. They looked the same in the dimmer light where I was sitting. I would never be able to undo and redo mine in time. Then he finished. His necklace was beautiful. It was perfect and red. And he choose the woman. She was better than me in a lot of ways. Her hair was long and dark brown and her skin was smooth. Her body was amazing and her face was beautiful. I was too late and I just cried out desperately because I had failed.


Thats all I remember. I have no idea what it means. humph

Clumsy

I was running. I couldn't find it. I couldn't find it. I felt empty.
I stopped at my family for a rest and I would forget that I was looking for it.
And then I would remember. And I would start running again.
I can't find it. I can't find it.
I stopped at school for a rest and then some friends. But then I would go looking again.
For years I ran trying to find it...
And then I found him, and it came with him.
He stopped me in my tracks.
I ran right into him.
It was no mistake.
He lifted up my face to see his and he wiped away my frantic tears.
Woah!, he said, slow down, I will help you.
He took my hand into his and he walked with me.
I never stopped looking at him. Not for a second.
We walked and walked for a very long time.
We stopped at my family.
We stopped at my friends.
We stopped at school and other things.
And then I realized that I wasn't looking anymore.
He was it.
He knew what I had realized and made a smile that caught my breath and made my heart beat faster.
We knew that we were it. We knew.
He tightened his grip on my hand and we kept walking.
At first it was easy. No rocks no obstacles.
There was nothing but flat paths and beautiful trees and grass to look at as we passed.
A few times he let me ride on his back and he would carry me without trouble.
It was wonderful and it was beautiful. Anyone would have been grateful to take my place or his.

And then we found small obstacles here and there.
Some tree roots to climb over or a small pond to cross.
We got used to them. It was okay.
Then people from the side saw us and gave us stares that were uncomfortable.
He protected from them but it was hard to ignore.
Sometimes people would laugh at us trying to get through some mud or trying to get through some trees.
Sometimes I cried. Not for me but for him.
He held my hand and helped me.

And then we got to a fork in the road.
One path was dangerous and dark. It wasn't pretty but it would get me to the other side.
The other path was was what we were already going through. Obstacles every now and then but it would have been okay.
I wanted to save him from the torment and from the struggle. I wanted to save him from me. I wanted to save him from pain. He would feel pain, being alone for awhile but he would be okay.

So when he wasn't looking, I broke free and ran. I ran into the path that was dangerous and lonely.
He was so devastated that I left him. He just sat there and cried.
I cried too. But I kept running. I tripped and fell and cut myself open on the ground.
I stumbled and clawed my way through darkness.
I can't go back. I can't go back.
It was always dark but I found ways to move forward.
And then the dark was too much. I couldn't handle it anymore.

I turned around and I ran back. I ran and I ran and then I saw that I hadn't gotten as far as I thought I had.
He was right there waiting for me.
He looked up and I ran into his arms.
We cried and cried never letting go of each other.
He held me and wiped away the dirt off of my face.

And then I took his hand and we walked again but this time down the other path.
It wasn't as easy as we thought.
The obstacles were bigger and harder to get around.
But we stuck together.

and that is where we are right now.

Sometimes I trip him without knowing and he trips me.
He gets bruises and scrapes because of me.
I get sprained ankles and cuts because of him.
We are stumbling through a path that had once been the easiest thing in our lives.
We are so clumsy and uncoordinated now.
But I love him.
And he loves me.
And after we trip and fall and go through the pain, we are both there to pick the other up, kiss the wounds, and keep walking.
For now its what we'll do.

I'm willing to stumble for him.
I'm willing to take the jeers and laughter that come from the side lines.
I'm willing to fight off any danger or harm that comes to him.

For now we will keep walking and see where it takes us.

Updates

Just some updates. I've been better. Not as depressed as I was last week about everything. I got some new music. Totally loving it all. So good. I can't stop listening to Bon Iver. His voice is just the most wonderful melted warm milk chocolatey voice I have every heard. Its like a lullaby.

I'm mostly over not having my wh&g job. I will miss the guys though :'( They meant a lot to me and they brightened my day. When I left most of them looked at me sadly because I was leaving, but they were happy for me because they knew I had greater plans ahead of me. Adolfo took my by the shoulders and said, "I am so heartbroken that you are leaving and that you are so sad, but listen. You are going on to do greater things than this and it won't matter in the future that this happened. You have your whole life ahead of you." It really meant a lot to hear things like that from them. I will never forget them. I'm also glad that I wasn't the only one who really couldn't stand MaryEllen.

So right now I'm just doing chores and pulling myself together. I have people who care about me and know that I would never do anything horrible or irresponsible to get fired and that keeps me going. I helped Esthela a lot today and I even bought some groceries for the family.

The biggest update right now is that Brandon and I have been test running everything for about two months. It was very rocky at first and all of the arguing isn't completely eliminated but he is trying his best to make this work. I want this to work too. I've been afraid and stressed out and worried about it. But this last week was really really good. I've seen him a few times since then and those times went well too.

I refuse to censor any of this since I never did before. We do argue about petty things sometimes. Stupid things but we get past those. The one thing that I told brandon that I would never do is stop being eddie's friend. Even though he stopped talking to me for a year, I would never do that to him. He's done too much for me and is one of my best friends. As far as I'm concerned he is apart of my family. Brandon has been having a very hard time dealing with this but he will have to deal because I am not changing my mind. I love brandon more than anything but I will not give up family.

I know I am a hypocrite and I know that I was so sure that I could stay away from him, but I couldn't. I love Brandon more than he could possibly ever imagine and he's done so much for me. He is so much more different than a lot of people I know, and that's why I love him. I'm glad that we don't have a lot in common because it just makes him that much more interesting. He takes care of me and loves me more than I deserve in a lifetime. I am going to try to make this work as long as I can. I can't say it will last forever and I can't say that it won't, I can only focus on what is in the present.

And I need to stop worrying about what everyone else thinks because I love him and he makes me happy. He does things for me that no one else can. And thats what matters so I'm going to be selfish and take it.

I could write for ever about this. I could write about how much I love brandon and about how bad I feel because I cannot make my best friend happy when he deserves it, but It would take so long. I will write about it on and off.

I hate that no matter what I do, I can never make everyone happy. I need to be less me, then maybe people would be more happy.

Mold

My foot was molding. Because it was dipped in water.
My hand was molding. Because it was trailing the water going back and forth.
I'm sitting in a wooden chair. And it was molding because it rocks in water.
My bruises were covered in mold and were swelling up.
My vulnerability was stripped naked and started to mold. It stung.
I sat in my mold. It smelled and made me cry.
I peered over at dry land where the mold would not survive but I stayed where I was.
Sometimes I would go to a dry patch of land but water would creep up and I would start to mold again.
Staying on dry land where it is safe and mold free is hard sometimes.
But everyday I try again and try to stay as dry as possible.

Sweet Disposition

I can't get over this song children.

Fired

I've been kind of depressed lately because of getting beaten up and yesterday I got fired. I don't understand why they fired me exactly and when I asked why they didn't give me any warning, they said that when they hired me that I had the type of job where they could fire me without any notice if they wanted too. I've never faced such rejection before in my life. Okay I did text during work but so did sheena and maryellen so I shouldn't get fired for that. I shouldn't get fired for talking because sheena talked more than three times than I did. I guess this is just one of those things. I'm so heart broken that I had to say goodbye to the guys while sobbing my eyes out. I can't believe they fired me 2 months before I was going to leave anyway. I will post our emails on here later so that later when I read this, i will know exactly what happened. I'm just so sad and angry right now and sitting around with nothing to do. I think I might facepaint for tips at the beach or something. Its about 800 dollars that I lost that I could have saved for school from being fired. I have about 1700 right now. Hopefully I will be okay for the semester. We'll see. I just need to take this experience as a learning one like my mom said and be strong about it. I always forget how vulnerable I am until something happens to me and it hits me like a train. I will get past this but right now I'm still heartbroken and hurt. I just need some time I guess.

Ow Ow

I don't know where these come from. Maybe its from my stress or maybe I just think too much sometimes, but this pain is horrible. Its the worst kind of pain that anyone can have. I panic. I just lie there and try to hold myself together. I get sharp pains in my hands and in my chest and I feel like my reality starts to collapse. I feel like my world can't be happy without him. Its not complete without him. The way he holds me is better than anything in this world. It calms me and makes me feel safe. It makes me happy and satisfied. I realize that I love him so much that he is apart of me now. Even if I end up marrying someone else someday, he has made me who I am today. He has shown me love that I didn't think existed. Sometimes he feels like my everything. Its hard to be away from something like that and it causes me to panic. I'm going to try to sleep again. Maybe if I focus hard on whats on my tv, I can actually sleep.

Dear Scott

Scott is such a sweetheart! He is my favorite accounting person that we've had out of the 4 so far. He is just witty and charming and just a really nice fellow to talk to. He has glasses and is balding and wears the same kind of shirt everyday but I am just okay with that :) Cause he is just an awesome dude. He is probably about MaryEllen's age. Sometimes I email him about birthday cakes when I'm not going to be there so he doesn't forget to take care of it and I thought it would be cool to copy and paste the last two that i've sent.


From: Admin
Sent: Tuesday, October 12, 2010 1:31 PM
To: Accounts Payable
Subject: KEVIN'S CAKE

Hi Scott!
Kevin’s birthday is on a Saturday and he would like to celebrate it the Friday before (10/22/10). He would like pumpkin pie and vanilla ice cream. I would imagine that they will have you buy whip cream too but I’m not sure so ask M.E. or Paula. You can buy the pie at Costco for cheap. He gets ice cream since he isn’t getting a 50 dollar cake. haha

Good luck!

Best Regards,
Magdalena Rymer

Phone: (619) 474-7400 ext. 114
Fax: (619) 474-7444
Visit our website @ www.westflex.com

“the flexible solutions company.”™


From: Admin
Sent: Wednesday, October 06, 2010 1:50 PM
To: Accounts Payable
Subject: CAKE FRIDAY

Hey Scot!!

I think that they are going to send you to pick up Miguel’s cake on Friday since I won’t be here. I placed the order today to be ready on Friday by 1pm. It’s under my name and they have my cell phone number just incase you have problems getting the cake. I confirmed that it was the size that is 46.00$. And it should say Happy Birthday Miguel on it. Knowing what the writing on the cake is will probably help you out when you’re picking it up.

Its at the Mexico Lindo Bakery.

Address: 520 Broadway
Sutie #5 Chula Vista 91910

Its right next to block buster and right across from carls Junior.

Directions: Just incase you want these instead of looking it up. Its pretty easy.

5 South
Exit H Street
Turn left onto H street
Turn right into the plaza where carls junior is

Have fun!

Best Regards,
Magdalena Rymer

Phone: (619) 474-7400 ext. 114
Fax: (619) 474-7444
Visit our website @ www.westflex.com

“the flexible solutions company.”™

Beaten Up

his was extremely hard to write without using vulgar words.
On saturday night I was standing in line with some of my friends to get into a club. There were two girls including me and three guys. The group in front of us was a group of some girls and guys that were letting people cut so much that we had to move back. So was I annoyed? Of course I was. So were my friends and the one other girl that was with us. The police officer wasn't an idiot. He saw the girl throw the cup onto the floor because he picked her out of her group of friends right away but when he asked who threw the cup onto the floor, the girl I was with and myself told him that we saw her put it into the floor because we were annoyed with them. The girl I was with even said some colorful words to the group of people in front of us. The drunk girl even tried to lie about putting the cup there when everyone saw. She was drunk. The girl was then fined 1000 for littering. Of course she was freaking out and her friends were trying to comfort her and they were angry at myself and the girl I was with for confirming with the officer. Then they let more and more people cut just to make us more angry.

Eventually we got in but my guy friends didn't. They had to wait in line because the club already had too many guys inside of it. So I was in the club with the girl that had come with us. It was just us two until our guy friends could get in. One of the girls that got upset with us pushed the girl I was with. That failed. Then attempt number two. One of the girls came from behind me and pushed the girl I was with again. This time I pushed her arm away so that she wouldn't hurt the girl I was with. She had had surgery on her feet and wasn't in any condition to get attacked.

When I pushed her arm away she hit my arm and a guy tried to break us up. I was only hitting back to defend myself. Then she got ahold of my hair and pulled me down. She wasn't alone and before I knew it I was on the floor being dragged by my hair. There were about 4 girls that then all attacked me at once. It seemed like forever before anyone did something about it.

They had my hair in all different directions and were ripping it out. They scratched my back and made scabs. They punched me and kicked me over and over again repeatedly. I thought about fighting back but I had no chance and I thought for sure someone would do something quickly. That wasn't the case. Everyone just spread out and watched me get beaten up mercilessly by these horrible girls that I did nothing to. After a good minute someone broke them up, I'm not sure who but I'm glad they did. And surprisingly it wasn't security that broke it up. When they let go of me I saw the girl I was with just standing there. I don't know where she was during this or why she didn't try to get help. She didn't even ask me if I was okay. I told her that I wanted to leave and she kept asking why. I wasn't paying attention because I was leaving whether she was coming with me or not.

I'd like to say that I am a tough person and that I got through this without being shaken but I wasn't. I was in complete shock that they had done this to me. I was shaking and sobbing uncontrollably. My friends that were outside came with me to security and we got them kicked out and then we left.

It was one of the most horrifying experiences of my life. I couldn't sleep that night. I kept having flash backs of being thrown onto the floor and beaten and kicked. I'm lucky nothing serious happened to me.

I know I'm not the only in the world who has gotten beat up and I know that people have gone through much worse. I know what its like to have flash backs of something horrible to have happened to you. If I am shaken everytime I remember what they did to me, I can't even imagine what it was like for people who have gone through worse. Especially those who have experienced the horrors of war. Going through this has made me respect them much more strongly than before. Its hard to come back to reality or to the present after something horrible has happened to you. I'm sure everyone has experienced it at different degrees at some point during their lives.

It is something that I will never forget.
Remembering something so scary and then remembering that no one helped you is even harder to accept. Instead of helping they just spread out and watched while I was being beaten. This sickens me to the point sometimes that I just want to throw up. I can't even get too much attention to the report I filed with the police because the girl hit the girl I was with first, not me. Since I touched the girl to defend the girl I was with, legally it was a mutual fight. Even though I was beat up by her and a whole group of her friends without fighting back, since I touched her first to defend the girl I was with, it was a mutual fight.

Funny thing is, the girl didn't even care. I have been calling her 'the girl that I was with' because she is not my friend. A friend would have helped me. A friend would have gone to find help of some kind. A friend would have thanked me for getting beaten up for her when she was the target. A friend would have asked me if I was okay. A friend would have apologized for saying the things she said to the girls outside in the line since they attacked. They were more upset with her than they were with me. A friend would have felt guilty for getting me involved in something that was mostly her. Even a crappy friend would have asked me if I was okay. A friend would have hugged me and told me that it was going to be okay. I didn't get any of this from her and so she is not my friend. It stinks to know that I got beaten up for her when she was the one that was supposed to have gotten beat up and she doesn't even care. She even went as far as to joke about it the night of when no one thought it was funny. My friends that were outside all comforted me and felt bad for me and told me that it was going to be okay and they didn't even see exactly what had happened. I'm grateful for that.

I will move on from this but I thought that I'd put my story out there. I hope that something like this doesn't happen to you.

oh SHIT!!

SO mag is PMSing right now ha. And I pulled an idiot move last night.

So I woke up and i was craving like nobody's business. I needed food in my as fast as possible. SO I got up from my bed. No food in my room okay sandals. Open the door ran to the patio. Food on the patio? YES DOMINIC'S LAME POPCORN. Checking the flavors. butter no. butterscotch no. chocolate OH SWEET MOSES YES! I paused for a half a second thinking about how much this stupid bag would cost. 10 dollars at the most. Its not a very big bag. So I ripped it open and shoved the beloved popcorn into my mouth. Heaven. For a couple of bites it was amazing. Then I just wanted normal food. So I brought the bag into the kitchen and set it on the counter so that I could pay for it later. And this morning i find the bag of popcorn with a sign on it. I see the money sign but I don't think much of it because i'm thinking ehh 10 bucks. whatevs. And I turn it around and it is

WOAH WOAH WOAH

20 BUCKS FOR THIS STUPID LITTLE BAG OF CRAPPY POPCORN? YOU HAVE TO BE SHITTING ME?

Oh man did I screw up this time. There go mag's cravings.