Clumsy

I was running. I couldn't find it. I couldn't find it. I felt empty.
I stopped at my family for a rest and I would forget that I was looking for it.
And then I would remember. And I would start running again.
I can't find it. I can't find it.
I stopped at school for a rest and then some friends. But then I would go looking again.
For years I ran trying to find it...
And then I found him, and it came with him.
He stopped me in my tracks.
I ran right into him.
It was no mistake.
He lifted up my face to see his and he wiped away my frantic tears.
Woah!, he said, slow down, I will help you.
He took my hand into his and he walked with me.
I never stopped looking at him. Not for a second.
We walked and walked for a very long time.
We stopped at my family.
We stopped at my friends.
We stopped at school and other things.
And then I realized that I wasn't looking anymore.
He was it.
He knew what I had realized and made a smile that caught my breath and made my heart beat faster.
We knew that we were it. We knew.
He tightened his grip on my hand and we kept walking.
At first it was easy. No rocks no obstacles.
There was nothing but flat paths and beautiful trees and grass to look at as we passed.
A few times he let me ride on his back and he would carry me without trouble.
It was wonderful and it was beautiful. Anyone would have been grateful to take my place or his.

And then we found small obstacles here and there.
Some tree roots to climb over or a small pond to cross.
We got used to them. It was okay.
Then people from the side saw us and gave us stares that were uncomfortable.
He protected from them but it was hard to ignore.
Sometimes people would laugh at us trying to get through some mud or trying to get through some trees.
Sometimes I cried. Not for me but for him.
He held my hand and helped me.

And then we got to a fork in the road.
One path was dangerous and dark. It wasn't pretty but it would get me to the other side.
The other path was was what we were already going through. Obstacles every now and then but it would have been okay.
I wanted to save him from the torment and from the struggle. I wanted to save him from me. I wanted to save him from pain. He would feel pain, being alone for awhile but he would be okay.

So when he wasn't looking, I broke free and ran. I ran into the path that was dangerous and lonely.
He was so devastated that I left him. He just sat there and cried.
I cried too. But I kept running. I tripped and fell and cut myself open on the ground.
I stumbled and clawed my way through darkness.
I can't go back. I can't go back.
It was always dark but I found ways to move forward.
And then the dark was too much. I couldn't handle it anymore.

I turned around and I ran back. I ran and I ran and then I saw that I hadn't gotten as far as I thought I had.
He was right there waiting for me.
He looked up and I ran into his arms.
We cried and cried never letting go of each other.
He held me and wiped away the dirt off of my face.

And then I took his hand and we walked again but this time down the other path.
It wasn't as easy as we thought.
The obstacles were bigger and harder to get around.
But we stuck together.

and that is where we are right now.

Sometimes I trip him without knowing and he trips me.
He gets bruises and scrapes because of me.
I get sprained ankles and cuts because of him.
We are stumbling through a path that had once been the easiest thing in our lives.
We are so clumsy and uncoordinated now.
But I love him.
And he loves me.
And after we trip and fall and go through the pain, we are both there to pick the other up, kiss the wounds, and keep walking.
For now its what we'll do.

I'm willing to stumble for him.
I'm willing to take the jeers and laughter that come from the side lines.
I'm willing to fight off any danger or harm that comes to him.

For now we will keep walking and see where it takes us.