Scared

68 days until I can go home...

What if I never learn to make this my new home? :( What if I always feel like I'm ready to go home...

Which doesn't make sense because I haven't found anything bad about this place... My classes are great. The people are fantastic. Its beautiful up here.

But it just isn't home. I mean it hasn't even been 2 weeks yet so I know I probably still have time to get used to this being my home.

What I'm really scared of right now is that I miss home so much. Everything about it. Even the bad stuff.
What if I go home and everything is so foreign to me that it isn't the home I remembered. What if things change so much that when I go back to san diego looking for what I once called home and it isn't there. Even worse, what if I go back and I don't feel like its home anymore, and I never got used to calling santa cruz my home. Then I have no home.

If things don't get better by spring, then maybe this just wasn't meant to be.

wow okay I have to stop talking about this. I'm getting depressed. bye