Squeamish

I don't experience shock too often but when I do, the experience is so vivid and loud. A loud memory.

My mom has skin cancer. She is going to be okay. She had surgery and everything is going to be fine. In the surgery they had to cut out the part of her leg that had the skin cancer and put some extra skin from the thy in its place.

Today just now she was walking down the hallway and sat down on the couch. As I passed by I noticed that her bandage had fallen down. She was waiting for my dad to help her fix it. Her leg was completely exposed. There was a huge gaping hole in her leg that looked like it went all the way down to her bone. I couldn't tell. It was fringed in layers of blood red skin but was dry. I could see the muscle and tissues perfectly. I could never handle being a doctor. It didn't look real but it was. I am so used to seeing it fake that seeing it real shocked me. I was completely horrified. I don't know why I'm so weak. I can never handle things like this. I went into the bathroom and shook and cried for a bit. The horror in the reality of what I saw shook the core of who I am. Not a good shaking. Its like I was falling asleep and someone poked me with a pin to wake me up. Poked me hard enough to bleed.