Dirt

I don't even knowww. I've been thinking about everything a lot and its just been stressing me out. I don't know where I am right now so I'm taking one day at a time and sometimes even that feels like too much.

My bike helps me oddly enough. I had a break down a few nights ago. I could breathe or think. I could hardly function. I got on my bike and rode to the trolley station and back. No one was driving at that time. Not after 11pm. I had the whole road to myself. The air was so cold, but it helped me come back down to reality. It wiped away my tears helped my breath come back.

I need to learn to not care what people think about me. I try so hard... and I always fail. Most of the time, I have it down. Most of the time I just don't give a fuck and I am me. I am proud of it. Most of the time.

But sometimes I completely care about what people might think of me. I don't even know why. Its not their problem. Its mine. I'm working on it.

I'm having monster cramps. Hurts so badd. I wish I didn't have work today but after tomorrow I'm not working at the zoo until the busy season in december starts up again.

Ugghh I had a dream about facepainting last night. Nay, a nightmare. Cherryl did better than I did and we were both working at the sydney booth. Wasn't my fault. I felt bad though.

Chitty chitty bang bang is on tv and I have no clue what is going on. Sooo weirddddd. I'm going to lie down for a bit before I have to go to work. Jason keeps texting me chicken jokes. (wtf??) he's sent me like 6 so far. guhhh