Valentine's

Happy Valentine's Day Everyone.

Today our school was flourishing with balloons and flowers. More than other schools I'm thinking because its all girls at mine.

This could get very mushy, considering its me so this is a warning.
Most people feel like they need somone intimate to feel loved on Valentine's Day and that is simply not true. It may feel a little lonely but it pretty much celebrates everyone you know; the people you love and the people who love you. Even those people who don't even talk to you and admire you from a far.

I trust that someday God will bring me to someone special but until then I celebrate by loving ALL of my friends and ALL of my family. I LOVE THEM ALL!!!

Everyone deserves to be loved. And Everyone needs to be, so if you feel like no one does I'd just like to say that I love you. I know that there are people I dislike, if ever they came to me in need of help, I would try my best to help them. So there. Soak this in people...


Things have gotten a little crazy recently and so I haven't had much time.

I need to do a lot of government homework...including my brief for my debate. (unfortunatley I must lie completley anti-immigrant....at least I'm not the group who has to fight for denial against global warning...Global warming can't be doing too many good things.)

.:bye:.

Say It

I really think that its a pity when someone feels too uncomfortable to just say I Love You. I hope that my future children should think differently than that. I will teach them to express themselves in that way just as my parents have taught me.

Some people don't hear from their parents that they love you without condition. I am again one of the lucky ones.

.:bye:.

p.s. time is going way too fast....only 4 months of high school left.

Rain

We finally got rain today. It made me very excited and happy. I wish it was more green here. I'm a real sap for pretty places, not to be repetitive or anything.
Anyway. List of what I still need to write about or do.

1.Snowboarding experience
2.Miss OLP
3.Music Man/Starmites
4.I need to type music Suggestions for a friend
5.More about the Rain
6.Movies

Thats it for now I suppose. It is slowly getting crazier and crazier.
A lot of people aren't too kind when they drive here. It frustrates me sometimes. My religion teacher Mr. Galvan (a very wise man) tells us to just say 'God Bless You'. I try to do that but sometimes its realy hard. I hate it when they speed up and you need to get over. Thats my biggest frustration.

What do you do during akward situations? Like when there is nothing to talk about or when there is pure silence between the two of you. I've been coming across that with a friend of mine. She and I get along pretty and we laugh at the same stuff but sometimes it gets a little akward. Caitlin was there once. We were eating lunch and she came over looking for someone who wasn't there. I felt the need to say something so I said "Hey whats up?". After about five minutes of talking about my stupidity, we had an akward silence thing. I had forgotten where I signed up for co-curicular that day and I was the one taking attendance. There was one extra person in the room and I couldn't figure out who it was. I figured out that it was me after about 15 minutes. I wasn't supposed to be in that room. I think Caitlin was laughing at me. She could tell how non-well I am at conversation starting.

Bottom line: We get along well when we have something to talk about. (I see her every now and then.) And is there a cure for akward silences? It happens every now and then. I wrote about this because in the book I just read 'This Lullaby"(good by the way. Not better than Twilight but good.) the girl and the guy break up. They decide to stay friends and they make an agreement that whenever it ever felt akward, that they would say so. Think it really works? It worked in the book anyway.
Dexter was the guy and Remy was the girl. Personally, I think Dexter deserves better but they both kind of need each other. I really liked Dexter; he was an intersting character. Oh Dexter. I like that name. I also like the names Cody and Kyle. hmmm

Edward from Twilight takes the cake though. Not for his name but for his greatness. He is one of a kind. No one like that really exists but I can still dream. There has to be some guy out there that can love like he can. I won't give up. Even if I don't find him until I'm like 40 or something.

uh oh I'll stop now. My loser-ness is starting to come out again. Cheese and Crackers. I scare myself sometimes. I'm going to lie in my bed and fantasize about it before I fall asleep instead of typing it. :P I think too much.

.:bye:.

p.s. I'll try and write about everything on my list soon.

Degrassi

I will save my snowboarding experience for a little later considering I have to go and do homework in a few minutes. I wanted to mention something on Degrassi.

Its a show about teens who go through jst about everything. At first it was pretty engrossing because it was a regular teen series type of show. Then it started to amuse me a little as I slowly realized the things that happened to them. None of these issues are funny in real life but their senarios are getting ridiculous. I usually watch it because I don't have anything else to do or I get curious about what will happen to certain characters. Anyway, to about 15 different teens in the show, every one of these issues has been covered:

1. Rape
2. Abortion
3. Teen Parenting
4. Cheating (the love thing)
5. Shooting
6. Cocaine
7. Alcohol
8. Homosexuality
9. Mental illness
10. Coma
11. A Bi-Polar person
12. Drunk Driving
13. Handicap Disibilities
14. Perscription Drug Abuse
15. Internet Danger
16. Flashing on Video (they don't really show it of course) manny...cough...cough..
17. Bullying
18. Unsafe Sex
19. Being Kicked out of the House (manny again cough cough)
20. Student-Teacher Relationships
21. Divorce
22. Wrist Slitting
23. Causing Someone to go into a Coma
24. Religion
25. Racism
26. Ecstacy (sp?)
27. Wieght
28. Stabbing With a Knife (its on the commercials for te next new one)

For all of these to happen in just this one show is just a little too much. Poor kids. Why doesn't anything really big and good happen to them? *sigh*

Oops, I mentioned the coma thing twice.
.:bye:.

Skiing(sp?) / Snowboarding

I'm going skiing or snowboarding this weekend. Not sure which one yet. I don't think I have the right wardrobe for it either....hmmm that might be a problem. Plus I haven't packed yet. Ha
I'm frightened of doing either but the trip costed 175$. I don't want to waste my parents money...

For the ski's, I would be scared of doing the splits and not being able to stand up on my own. For snowboarding I am scared that I will just fall flat on my face. Technically being myself, there is no way to avoid some type of accident. I'm not the most graceful person. Wish me Luck.

Catie is asleep on the couch right now. We were watching spongebob.


Ugh. I have to go do my spanish homework.

.:bye:.

Sunday / Smoking

I give my posts these lame-o title when I can't think of anything else. I start the semester on Wednesday and today I am going to seaworld with my grandma and her girl scout troop. The cookie season starts soon.

This last weekend I discovered and witnessed that someone I know and love as a friend smokes. It almost shocked me because that person had always complained about smokers before. The person is allowed to because he/she is of age but he/she is hiding from his/her whole family and lies to get out and smoke with other people. It pains me a little because I would have never thought that this person would. It might not seem so serious or big a deal but for me it partially is. I can't hate or dislike people who snoke because it is only something they do. There is obviously more to a person beside the fact that they smoke but to watch someone you love slowly deteriorate (sp?) from the inside out is hurtful. I cant imagine how the syblings of the person I know would feel if they found out. Also being younger than the person, they look up to the older sybling often. Smoking seems like somthing so small but it really isn't. Most people don't care because it usually doesn't affect them until later in their life. Their voices become deep and raspy and wrinkles form earlier than necessary.
Sadly a lot of people abuse some sort of substance in the world. I pray for them sometimes. Again, I am one of the lucky ones.

I would never want to destroy my body like that. This topic could spread so easily into drugs and other ways to destory yourself. I could probably write a book on it all. I try to spread my beliefs with good reasons too. For instance I'm not saying that I don't like smoking because 'it's stupid and people just shouldn't do it'. I try to explain with a good reason why.

On a happier note:
Tomorrow missa, cailtlin, and I are going to go dress shopping for miss olp. I hope all goes well because I can't go shopping next weekend and the dance is the weekend after that.

I discovered a new band called Guster. They are pretty good.

.:bye:.

p.s. I downloaded some Imogen Heap songs because I love frou frou and they are awesome!

The Last Final/Tote Bags

My last final was today and it was my economics final. I hope I did okay. I don't think I did so well on the true and flase or the fill in the blank. The essay was ridiculous.

It was a three paragraph essay on how you would discuss overcoming the problem of inflation. You were to be specific including the three tools on how to increase or decrease the national money supply and you were to also discuss fiscal policy and how the President could help make this money supply change.

A really overwhelming thing for me. I knew about 65% of what the heck I was talking about.

Oh well. There is good news.......I"M DONE! No more. No more studying for 5 days. No more school reserving a spot in your concious brain for FIVE WHOLE DAYS.....I feel like I'm on top of the world right now. I do not have any school obligations for 5 days. I can do anything I want right now without worrying about school things to creep up on me.

I go back to school on Wednesday.

Today Caitlin, Marissa, and I went to the michaels in mission valley and bought some tote bags and some buttons. We spent about 4 hours at Caitlin's house decorating them. It was pretty fun. We had not a school related care in the world. At the end of the school year, we are going to make scrapbooks and a video of memories that we've had. I really am going to miss them when missa moves away to college.

Cailtlin and I are both those people who say we'll call but never do. What am I supposed to do without her during the summer and school year? We are both going to community college. Both of us will be in San Diego. I decided that I am going to force myself to call her. I'll find some way.

Maybe I can forget something super important at her house everytime I go over so that I would eventually have to go and pick it up...hmmm. I'll think of something.

.:bye:.

Second Two Finals/ The Two Minute Final

British Literature :

It went okay I guess. Some of the, well a good amount of the multiple choice questions were a tad random. For the essays I did one on Anglo-Saxon Characteristics represented in Macbeth and a comparison between Marolwe's "A Passionate Shepherd to His Love" and Raleigh's "The Nymph's Reply to the Shepherd". I realy liked Marlowe's because it is a very passionate written piece of work and is a tad heart-melting. Even though a lot poets had different intentions for the use of their love poems back then, it doesn't hurt anyone for the rest of us to enjoy it. Well Raleigh created a stupid nymph to reply and almost ruined it. The nymph was too harsh to the shepherd in my opinion. Why? Its a love poem. Take your 'a little too harsh' nymph and respond to a death poem or something.

Okay. Going on.

Statistics:
Okay. I never seem to have confidence in saying 'how I did' on tests or things like that because you never know until you get the final grade. I missed some free response questions on logs. Darn. Oh well. I want to write some conflabing dialogue so here is a portion of what happened during the beginning of the stats final. Reminder: I write all dialogoue from what I remember. So its like a based on a true story type thing. I obviously can't remember every single thing perfectly.

The 2 Minute Final:
I had Mrs. Hanley as the proctor for my Stats final. She is known as one of the more easy-going, jokester type of teachers so you never know what to expect from her. I sat down at a desk in the front row and discussed the upcoming torturous multiple choice test with Anna Lee. Then about a minute later Janet joined in. No one seemed happy right now. Everyone seemed to be asking questions from each other, trying to remember how to do certain types of problems.

A couple of minutes before the bell rang, Mrs. Hanley got our attention and hushed our chaotic disussions. Everyone turned towards her and faced the front. She began passing out the scratch paper as she talked to us at the same time, "Alright everyone. This is the last final of the day. Don't freak out. No cheating on the final or else you go straight to hell." She paused as she waited for us to finishing laughing. "Seriously though. There are much cooler ways to go to hell like stealing a car and going to Vegas or something. There are better ways to be remembered."

Mrs. Hanley started to pass out the scantrons and talked about how much paper we waste everyday. A very touchy subject because a lot does get wasted.

And then she passed out the final exams. I could almost feel the anxiety of everyone else bleed into my brain, making me even more anxious. I'm sure everyone else felt the same way. Once I got my packet I did an overview of it: 50 multiple choice and 10 free response. I had a long way ahead of me and got started.

A couple of minutes in (I was still on the first page), a huge ding sounded and startled everyone. Half the class looked up as Mrs. Hanley said, "Alright time's up. Pencils down." It took about a second for the class to overcome the two second period of horror before we realized that it was her microwave. I don't understand why we all believed that our time was up after only two minutes. I mean, thats just ridiculous. Then we all burst out laughing.

Mrs. Hanley can be humorously cruel sometimes. It was very funny though. I laughed for a good two minutes and it took a good 5 minutes for eveeryone to settle down again.

The rest of the final went ok. Everyone left the room with a look of despair on the face. I was expecting the final to take out a knife kill me for even thinking about taking it but I think I possibly passed it.

THE END

p.s. I never had Mrs. Hanley as a teacher but when ever I see her, she is crack up.

.:bye:.

First Two Finals

Listening to clair de lune again. It's so beautiful.

Anyway, I had my first two finals today. Spanish and Christian Life Themes.

Spanish essays were:
1. Describe and discuss three famous artists that we have learned about this semester. You may not do the artist that you presented. (for me salvador dali. We did a powerpoint on him. My only spanish powerpoint presentation ever...so far.)
2. And second: Which theme of which chapter di you like the most? Define and explain why you like it.

My answers:
1. I did David Alfaro Siqueiros, Diego RIvera, and Frida Kahlo. The second two were easier than Siqueiros.
2. I did humorism and talked about a lecture where these people were fighting over an inheritance. There were no punctuation marks in the will and each person somehow managed to put the marks so that they would get the inheritance. The guy who had the final say was a profesor and he made it so that it went to some wierdo dog.

I wrote this all in spanish of course. Just thought would share this with future me.
I have British Literature and Statistics tomorrow. Not worried about Lit. as much as I am about Stats. I want to keep my B. I have an 86% right now...
Catie is asleep right now. I need to go study.

Exciting news...I am going to go pick up Twiligt from Veronica in two days. :D I promised myself that I would wait until finals are over.

This weekend I am going on the Desert Challenge with venture. Although I missed the meeting because of finals.
Happy Birthday Mariana. I'm sorry I couldn't go to your surprise corvett's thing.

Got to STUDY!

.:bye:.

p.s. Promise: I will do dialogue from yesterday's day soon.

Last Day of The Semester

Here is today, the last day of the semester, as much as I can remember. Sadly I don't have time to do dialogue.

I don't have time to write everything. I'll put reminders about it and write it later.

~Co-curricular Computer lab/Mr. C
~English, what we talked about. Hint: Brave new world and the themes.

8:12
Just one more thing before tomorrow. I saw this quote by John Donne in our Brit. Lit. book when I was studying with missa. I really liked it. He's not too good-looking but he is pretty clever.

"I am two fools, I know,
For loving, and for saying so."
~John Donne

.:bye:.

The Night of Twilight

Well last night or really this morning, Catie and I were up until around 4:00 talking about twilight. Ill explain later.... I hope I can stay awake through today.

Today/Catie Brings out the Hulk

Today, I need to avoid going to the venture meeting because I need to study. My mom is making us clean up first.
Whenever we have to do a chore, my sister and I call ourselves Thing 1 and Thing 2. Just as a joke though because it really is fair that we do at least some work around the house. brb later.

2:11
I really do hate finals.... So much to do....ugh.

12:01
Graphic arts final tomorrow (Technically today since its past midnight). Wish me luck. My sister dyed her hair green. Shhh... She shouldn't have but I warned her. Her hands turned green along with her hair so now its even funner to say "BRING OUT THE HULK". My mom hasn't found out yet. She'll probably bust a cap. hahahahhahahaa Her hair looks gross too. It didn't come out great. lol

.:bye:.

An Okay Saturday

Well its saturday and I feel a whole lot better and I think healed.

I am going to the museum in a few minutes with my sister for a project I hae to do. Then I must go to the library and study my butt off. The next 6 days will be painful. Catie's ready. bye :D

4:25
The museum was okay. I have to write the report now of course. I need to keep going of the school work thing...until next thursday and then I am free. I if don't pass these finals..bye brb

7:30
Anyways, if I don't pass these finals, the school will ask me to leave. I'm sure I'll be fine, but the possibility remains. What school would I go to ? I don't know.

10:59
I didn't study as much as I wanted too but I'm making progress. Marissa and I aren't done with the Brit. Lit. Study guide yet...
We shalt attempt to finish iteth tomorrow!

.:bye:.

Still Okay 2

I still feel pretty normal. Like I have stated many time, the feeling is still there but not as bad as it has been for the past week. I am on my way to missa's house to study english with her. tata

Still Okay

This has been the record for being okay. I test myself every now and then by listening to 'claire de lune'. When I listen to it, the aching becomes stronger. It makes me remember how the aching felt.....but its not strong enough to make me depressed or make me cry. This is a good thing. I hope I stay okay. My mom, dominic, and catie are coming home tonight.

I have an audio final exam in spanish today. Wish me luck.

Don't take this as happy because the ache has not fully healed, well at least not to the point where I don't notice as much. Before last week, I felt it only ocasonally when some random thing reminded me of it. That was my normal dose of ache. I am not completly back to that stage......yet. But I feel a whole lot better. I would say that I feel relived in a way that the ache is not able to consume me right now. I hope its not waiting for the right moment or something. I am going to go brush my hair and go to school now.

YES!!/ I Love Blogger

Its 9:30 and I feel pretty normal. Its still there but like I said, it won't fully disappear ever. Its will always be like 3%-4% there. I even tested myself by listening to 'claire de lune' and it doesn't make me cry. Yes its saddening but its the sadding for the beauty of the song. It lets me know that the aching is still there, but it isn't bringing me to tears. I think the phase might be over I hope. I will always be touched by the feeling but now it isn't overwhelmingly taking over my emotions anymore.

I think twilight is at the same level with the harry potter books...and for me thats pretty high. Stephenie Meyer is verying inspiring. I now have two equally favorite series of books. I like them because they touch me. I know this is oober corny, but they really do touch the inside of me...that part of me that holds my delicate soul.

I love blogger because writing, or typing rather, really helps me. Its a lot faster than writing in my journal. I'm not embarassed to type what I feel because I think only marissa knows that I have one. I don't mind if she reads it because she already knows what a loser I am (In a good way). :D Thanks missa. Of course if some of my other friends read this, I wouldn't feel toooo embarassed. I wouldn't mind if my sister or caitlin reading it.

I don't think expressing yourself should be an embarassing thing but I'm not ready for just anyone to 'read me'.

I am going to make flash cards and watch cronicles of narnia at the same time.
YES!! I feel significantly better.

.:bye:.

It's 11:30 and I'm tired of making flash cards. Like I said before the aching is still there but at least I can function without being overly depressed. Thank goodness. I need to go to sleep now.

.:bye again:.

A Realization

Since I feel fine right now, I am going to tell about something that I recently realized. I'm not a huge fan of San Diego. The only problem pretty much is that my family lives here. San Diego, to me, is very ugly for some reason. Being typical me, I want to live in a small town(near a city just incase) where it is green. I want to live somewhere beautiful. MA was a very beautiful state too. I want to live somewhere like that but closer.

I am going to check out colleges in green places in small towns. That will be my opportunity to experience somewhere else besides San Diego. If I go to College here in San Diego, I might never have the chance to experience living somewhere else. I will be very homesick if I go away to college but not for San Diego. I would be homesick for my family and I would feel homesick because of the HUGE change. Not for San Diego. Sorry if I'm repeating myself.

Of course I am staying here in San Diego for 1 or 2 years for community college and then hopefully I can transfer. About 6 months ago, I despised the mere thought of moving ANYWHERE away from San Diego because I didn't want such a huge change but now I really want to try and experience it. It would probably be good for me in a way. I can't become so attached.

I'm usually recover from homesickness after a few days of getting there. I've traveled to a decent amount of places; alone I might add. Well I need to go and work now.

.:bye:.

Again/ Honest Idea

I feel just fine again like I did after school yesterday. I hope it doesn't come back later tonight.
I need to eat something and then go to the library to study.

Its alomost 3:30....and I can feel it coming back again. Crap. I hadn't really eaten anything all day and when I still felt normal, I ate something when I got home. I knew that the feeling came back the second I lost my apetite. I felt like I wanted to puke. I felt like I was done with it and that it wasn't going to come back, but I was wrong. Its like a disease that takes over my emotions. It puts pressure on my train of thought and fills me with sadness. I hate it. I need to go to the library before I spend all of my time on the computer to distract myself.

I am just going to be honest with myself and say this. Its a little embarassing. I think I feel sad because Twilight is not real. I'm not sure but thats my best guess. When I read it, I don't feel sad anymore. When I stop I come back to reality and the pain flows through me again. I hope I don't cry again. How pathetic is this? I also hope its just a phase. I've had them for other books too but not this painful or as long. I hope I get over it like I do the rest. I am going to the library now to try and focus.

.:bye:.

4:20
The sadness is almost full blown. When I got to the library, I realized that I forgot my economics book(the whole reason I went pretty much). I am overtaken by the feeling of remorse. I think I might cry again. I can't stop listening to 'claire de lune' by Debussy. I'm going to take a nap and then go back to the library.

6:27
I am doing this because I don't want to make too many posts. I feel ok right now I think. I took an Hour and 1/2 nap. I need to get to the library. I'll be back later.

8:03
I feel a lot better AND I got some work done. Is it gone? I don't know. It might creep up again. I'll write here if it does. I am so glad that I feel mostly normal right now.

Ok

I think I am ok right now. I think school today ultimately got rid of that ache. It was a HUGE distraction. It will never be completely gone but I can focus now. I should be fine for awhile. I need to do my homework. I dunno if I dreamt about twilight last night because I don't remember my dream... Darn

tata

Does it Count?

A lot of people say that they don't have time to do this or to do that, yet they go off and do things like watch a little t.v. or go onto the computer.

It confuses me because I am


(I never finished this one. Hmmm. Oh well ~ 12/18/06)