Our Capcity to Think

Our capacity to think for ourselves and express oursleves fully is largley determined by our vocabulary. We are able to express ourselves sufficient-ly by our ability to use certain words. Sometimes we are unable to express ourselves because we do not know how to say it. This means that an education is VERY IMPORTANT. For us to understand what is going on around us we must be educated. I could write for hours on this but I type slowly and There are a lot of words I can't spell. Maybe a little later.

?

I don't know if I heard this somewhere sometime or if I came up with it (its probably the first one), but I really like it.

Someday in the future by someone I want to be loved. No the friend/family type of love but the other one. And I don't want to be loved because I am beautiful. I want to be beautiful because I am loved. I want that person to think I'm beautiful because they love me.



THE END

.:bye:.

Congratulaions

This song is very very beautiful...my song of the month :P

Congratulations by Blue October Feat. Imogen Heap (another for sarge)

Is that seat taken
Congratulations
Would you like to take a walk with me

My mind it kind of goes fast
I try to slow it down for you
I think I'd love to take a drive
I want to give you something
I've been wanting to give to you for years
My heart

My heart, my pain won't cover up
You left me.. hu hu hu hu
My heart won't take this cover up
You left me.. hu hu hu hu

I came to see the light in my best friend
You seemed as happy as you'd ever been
My chance of being open was broken
And now you're Mrs. him.

My words they don't come out right
But I'll try to say I'm happy for you
I think I'm going to take that drive
I want to give you something
I've been wanting to give to you for years
My hearts

My heart, my pain won't cover up
You left me.. hu hu hu hu
My heart
My heart won't take this cover up
You left me.. hu hu hu hu

And I can't change this
I can never take it back
But now I can't change your mind
(You left me)
And I can't this
I can never take this back
But now I can't change your mind
can't change your mind
(You left me)
Can't change you mind
(You left me)
(You left me)
(You left me)
(You left me)

Go away
Make it go away
Please.

Lenten Promise

I forgot to mention that I gave up cussing for my lenten promise. There really shouldn't be any reason to cuss if you think about it. They are just a certain sound that we form with our vocal cords that comes out of our mouths.

I've broken it about 4-5 times.... What am I supposed to do if that happens? If I break my lenten promise? I'm really trying my best though.

tata

One of My Dreams

Where has the time gone? I don't have a lot of it anymore.... : (

Everything is going ok I guess. I'll copy and paste something from my journal. I am going to try to not do this though because when I look back upon this and my journal I want them to be different.... :P Okay prepare yourselves because this little piece of an entry I made makes me look like the biggest loser in the world..... here goes.....

(I wrote this on Feb. 16)
Next topic: My dream! Dang it….I remember it but the feeling wore off.
I dreamt about being at this camp/retreat/touring thing. (Dreams rarely make sense so just go with it) Well I was apart of this committee that helped planned everything and stuff. We met in this weird half-circled room. It was long and wooden and the walls just curved and turned into the ceiling. The carpet was read and there were single benches lined up against the curved walls. We had like a break or something and people were moving around a talking. My mom was at the meeting but her attention was on something else. So I just sat where I was and stared off into space. There weren’t any people on my side of the room. Then I noticed this guy standing about 4 feet away from me. I was sitting and he was standing with his hands in his pockets looking down. He had a red polo shirt on and beige pants. He was extremely cute. (That’s a plus) He had light-tan skin and his hair was redish-brown and messy. He had a backpack on too. He looked up at me and smiled and I smiled back. He took a few steps closer as he took his hands out of his pockets. He looked like he was anticipating something and I just watched. He was now so close to me that I could touch him. His smile had faded but hhis expression wasn’t hostile or mean in any way. He bent down so that his face was an inch away from mine and I could feel his warm breath. Then he pulled his face away. He smiled and looked at the floor. I sighed, looked at him, smiled, and said, “Why didn’t you just do it?”. He looked back up at me smiling timidly. His cheeks were blushed. I would just like to mention right now that I probably would not have said that in real life. He was so cute….I don’t know how to explain it. He bent back down his face right in front of mine and kissed me. His lips were on mine for a few seconds and then he stood up right again. I could feel my heart beating fast. I couldn’t think. I just stared at the floor and when I looked up again he was gone. For some reason the meeting was dissmissed then. I wanted to see him again but I didn’t know where he was. I was driving with Missa in her car and Alyssa (her next door neighbor) was in the passenger seat. We were driving around some city where we were touring to look for a place to eat. I was telling them about him when I saw him walking along the street. I felt the blood rush to my head and I ducked. “Where is he?” missa asked. “He’s walking right there. He’s so hot. I can’t look at him.” I responded and ducked down even more. (Dreams are soo random) Later we were all on the touring bus we used to go around the city and I saw him. He was sitting on the other side of the bus. We saw each other and smiled again. We couldn’t seem to stop doing that. For some reason we wanted to keep it a secret too so we didn’t just go up to each other. On our way out of the bus we ran into each other and I whispered, “Which cabin are you staying in?” He replied, “The one on the left. Meet me there later.” Later that night when we were back at the camp, I met him in front of his cabin. We went by a tree behind the cabin. We stood facing each other still smiling and held our hands together. I don’t remember which one but one of us said “What do we do now?”. I don’t remember anything else that happened besides us being wrapped in a blanket together by the tree.

I give you permission to laugh at me.... really. I'll try and actually write something next time. I have nothing else to say.

.:bye:.

Valentine's

Happy Valentine's Day Everyone.

Today our school was flourishing with balloons and flowers. More than other schools I'm thinking because its all girls at mine.

This could get very mushy, considering its me so this is a warning.
Most people feel like they need somone intimate to feel loved on Valentine's Day and that is simply not true. It may feel a little lonely but it pretty much celebrates everyone you know; the people you love and the people who love you. Even those people who don't even talk to you and admire you from a far.

I trust that someday God will bring me to someone special but until then I celebrate by loving ALL of my friends and ALL of my family. I LOVE THEM ALL!!!

Everyone deserves to be loved. And Everyone needs to be, so if you feel like no one does I'd just like to say that I love you. I know that there are people I dislike, if ever they came to me in need of help, I would try my best to help them. So there. Soak this in people...


Things have gotten a little crazy recently and so I haven't had much time.

I need to do a lot of government homework...including my brief for my debate. (unfortunatley I must lie completley anti-immigrant....at least I'm not the group who has to fight for denial against global warning...Global warming can't be doing too many good things.)

.:bye:.

Say It

I really think that its a pity when someone feels too uncomfortable to just say I Love You. I hope that my future children should think differently than that. I will teach them to express themselves in that way just as my parents have taught me.

Some people don't hear from their parents that they love you without condition. I am again one of the lucky ones.

.:bye:.

p.s. time is going way too fast....only 4 months of high school left.

Rain

We finally got rain today. It made me very excited and happy. I wish it was more green here. I'm a real sap for pretty places, not to be repetitive or anything.
Anyway. List of what I still need to write about or do.

1.Snowboarding experience
2.Miss OLP
3.Music Man/Starmites
4.I need to type music Suggestions for a friend
5.More about the Rain
6.Movies

Thats it for now I suppose. It is slowly getting crazier and crazier.
A lot of people aren't too kind when they drive here. It frustrates me sometimes. My religion teacher Mr. Galvan (a very wise man) tells us to just say 'God Bless You'. I try to do that but sometimes its realy hard. I hate it when they speed up and you need to get over. Thats my biggest frustration.

What do you do during akward situations? Like when there is nothing to talk about or when there is pure silence between the two of you. I've been coming across that with a friend of mine. She and I get along pretty and we laugh at the same stuff but sometimes it gets a little akward. Caitlin was there once. We were eating lunch and she came over looking for someone who wasn't there. I felt the need to say something so I said "Hey whats up?". After about five minutes of talking about my stupidity, we had an akward silence thing. I had forgotten where I signed up for co-curicular that day and I was the one taking attendance. There was one extra person in the room and I couldn't figure out who it was. I figured out that it was me after about 15 minutes. I wasn't supposed to be in that room. I think Caitlin was laughing at me. She could tell how non-well I am at conversation starting.

Bottom line: We get along well when we have something to talk about. (I see her every now and then.) And is there a cure for akward silences? It happens every now and then. I wrote about this because in the book I just read 'This Lullaby"(good by the way. Not better than Twilight but good.) the girl and the guy break up. They decide to stay friends and they make an agreement that whenever it ever felt akward, that they would say so. Think it really works? It worked in the book anyway.
Dexter was the guy and Remy was the girl. Personally, I think Dexter deserves better but they both kind of need each other. I really liked Dexter; he was an intersting character. Oh Dexter. I like that name. I also like the names Cody and Kyle. hmmm

Edward from Twilight takes the cake though. Not for his name but for his greatness. He is one of a kind. No one like that really exists but I can still dream. There has to be some guy out there that can love like he can. I won't give up. Even if I don't find him until I'm like 40 or something.

uh oh I'll stop now. My loser-ness is starting to come out again. Cheese and Crackers. I scare myself sometimes. I'm going to lie in my bed and fantasize about it before I fall asleep instead of typing it. :P I think too much.

.:bye:.

p.s. I'll try and write about everything on my list soon.

Degrassi

I will save my snowboarding experience for a little later considering I have to go and do homework in a few minutes. I wanted to mention something on Degrassi.

Its a show about teens who go through jst about everything. At first it was pretty engrossing because it was a regular teen series type of show. Then it started to amuse me a little as I slowly realized the things that happened to them. None of these issues are funny in real life but their senarios are getting ridiculous. I usually watch it because I don't have anything else to do or I get curious about what will happen to certain characters. Anyway, to about 15 different teens in the show, every one of these issues has been covered:

1. Rape
2. Abortion
3. Teen Parenting
4. Cheating (the love thing)
5. Shooting
6. Cocaine
7. Alcohol
8. Homosexuality
9. Mental illness
10. Coma
11. A Bi-Polar person
12. Drunk Driving
13. Handicap Disibilities
14. Perscription Drug Abuse
15. Internet Danger
16. Flashing on Video (they don't really show it of course) manny...cough...cough..
17. Bullying
18. Unsafe Sex
19. Being Kicked out of the House (manny again cough cough)
20. Student-Teacher Relationships
21. Divorce
22. Wrist Slitting
23. Causing Someone to go into a Coma
24. Religion
25. Racism
26. Ecstacy (sp?)
27. Wieght
28. Stabbing With a Knife (its on the commercials for te next new one)

For all of these to happen in just this one show is just a little too much. Poor kids. Why doesn't anything really big and good happen to them? *sigh*

Oops, I mentioned the coma thing twice.
.:bye:.

Skiing(sp?) / Snowboarding

I'm going skiing or snowboarding this weekend. Not sure which one yet. I don't think I have the right wardrobe for it either....hmmm that might be a problem. Plus I haven't packed yet. Ha
I'm frightened of doing either but the trip costed 175$. I don't want to waste my parents money...

For the ski's, I would be scared of doing the splits and not being able to stand up on my own. For snowboarding I am scared that I will just fall flat on my face. Technically being myself, there is no way to avoid some type of accident. I'm not the most graceful person. Wish me Luck.

Catie is asleep on the couch right now. We were watching spongebob.


Ugh. I have to go do my spanish homework.

.:bye:.

Sunday / Smoking

I give my posts these lame-o title when I can't think of anything else. I start the semester on Wednesday and today I am going to seaworld with my grandma and her girl scout troop. The cookie season starts soon.

This last weekend I discovered and witnessed that someone I know and love as a friend smokes. It almost shocked me because that person had always complained about smokers before. The person is allowed to because he/she is of age but he/she is hiding from his/her whole family and lies to get out and smoke with other people. It pains me a little because I would have never thought that this person would. It might not seem so serious or big a deal but for me it partially is. I can't hate or dislike people who snoke because it is only something they do. There is obviously more to a person beside the fact that they smoke but to watch someone you love slowly deteriorate (sp?) from the inside out is hurtful. I cant imagine how the syblings of the person I know would feel if they found out. Also being younger than the person, they look up to the older sybling often. Smoking seems like somthing so small but it really isn't. Most people don't care because it usually doesn't affect them until later in their life. Their voices become deep and raspy and wrinkles form earlier than necessary.
Sadly a lot of people abuse some sort of substance in the world. I pray for them sometimes. Again, I am one of the lucky ones.

I would never want to destroy my body like that. This topic could spread so easily into drugs and other ways to destory yourself. I could probably write a book on it all. I try to spread my beliefs with good reasons too. For instance I'm not saying that I don't like smoking because 'it's stupid and people just shouldn't do it'. I try to explain with a good reason why.

On a happier note:
Tomorrow missa, cailtlin, and I are going to go dress shopping for miss olp. I hope all goes well because I can't go shopping next weekend and the dance is the weekend after that.

I discovered a new band called Guster. They are pretty good.

.:bye:.

p.s. I downloaded some Imogen Heap songs because I love frou frou and they are awesome!

The Last Final/Tote Bags

My last final was today and it was my economics final. I hope I did okay. I don't think I did so well on the true and flase or the fill in the blank. The essay was ridiculous.

It was a three paragraph essay on how you would discuss overcoming the problem of inflation. You were to be specific including the three tools on how to increase or decrease the national money supply and you were to also discuss fiscal policy and how the President could help make this money supply change.

A really overwhelming thing for me. I knew about 65% of what the heck I was talking about.

Oh well. There is good news.......I"M DONE! No more. No more studying for 5 days. No more school reserving a spot in your concious brain for FIVE WHOLE DAYS.....I feel like I'm on top of the world right now. I do not have any school obligations for 5 days. I can do anything I want right now without worrying about school things to creep up on me.

I go back to school on Wednesday.

Today Caitlin, Marissa, and I went to the michaels in mission valley and bought some tote bags and some buttons. We spent about 4 hours at Caitlin's house decorating them. It was pretty fun. We had not a school related care in the world. At the end of the school year, we are going to make scrapbooks and a video of memories that we've had. I really am going to miss them when missa moves away to college.

Cailtlin and I are both those people who say we'll call but never do. What am I supposed to do without her during the summer and school year? We are both going to community college. Both of us will be in San Diego. I decided that I am going to force myself to call her. I'll find some way.

Maybe I can forget something super important at her house everytime I go over so that I would eventually have to go and pick it up...hmmm. I'll think of something.

.:bye:.

Second Two Finals/ The Two Minute Final

British Literature :

It went okay I guess. Some of the, well a good amount of the multiple choice questions were a tad random. For the essays I did one on Anglo-Saxon Characteristics represented in Macbeth and a comparison between Marolwe's "A Passionate Shepherd to His Love" and Raleigh's "The Nymph's Reply to the Shepherd". I realy liked Marlowe's because it is a very passionate written piece of work and is a tad heart-melting. Even though a lot poets had different intentions for the use of their love poems back then, it doesn't hurt anyone for the rest of us to enjoy it. Well Raleigh created a stupid nymph to reply and almost ruined it. The nymph was too harsh to the shepherd in my opinion. Why? Its a love poem. Take your 'a little too harsh' nymph and respond to a death poem or something.

Okay. Going on.

Statistics:
Okay. I never seem to have confidence in saying 'how I did' on tests or things like that because you never know until you get the final grade. I missed some free response questions on logs. Darn. Oh well. I want to write some conflabing dialogue so here is a portion of what happened during the beginning of the stats final. Reminder: I write all dialogoue from what I remember. So its like a based on a true story type thing. I obviously can't remember every single thing perfectly.

The 2 Minute Final:
I had Mrs. Hanley as the proctor for my Stats final. She is known as one of the more easy-going, jokester type of teachers so you never know what to expect from her. I sat down at a desk in the front row and discussed the upcoming torturous multiple choice test with Anna Lee. Then about a minute later Janet joined in. No one seemed happy right now. Everyone seemed to be asking questions from each other, trying to remember how to do certain types of problems.

A couple of minutes before the bell rang, Mrs. Hanley got our attention and hushed our chaotic disussions. Everyone turned towards her and faced the front. She began passing out the scratch paper as she talked to us at the same time, "Alright everyone. This is the last final of the day. Don't freak out. No cheating on the final or else you go straight to hell." She paused as she waited for us to finishing laughing. "Seriously though. There are much cooler ways to go to hell like stealing a car and going to Vegas or something. There are better ways to be remembered."

Mrs. Hanley started to pass out the scantrons and talked about how much paper we waste everyday. A very touchy subject because a lot does get wasted.

And then she passed out the final exams. I could almost feel the anxiety of everyone else bleed into my brain, making me even more anxious. I'm sure everyone else felt the same way. Once I got my packet I did an overview of it: 50 multiple choice and 10 free response. I had a long way ahead of me and got started.

A couple of minutes in (I was still on the first page), a huge ding sounded and startled everyone. Half the class looked up as Mrs. Hanley said, "Alright time's up. Pencils down." It took about a second for the class to overcome the two second period of horror before we realized that it was her microwave. I don't understand why we all believed that our time was up after only two minutes. I mean, thats just ridiculous. Then we all burst out laughing.

Mrs. Hanley can be humorously cruel sometimes. It was very funny though. I laughed for a good two minutes and it took a good 5 minutes for eveeryone to settle down again.

The rest of the final went ok. Everyone left the room with a look of despair on the face. I was expecting the final to take out a knife kill me for even thinking about taking it but I think I possibly passed it.

THE END

p.s. I never had Mrs. Hanley as a teacher but when ever I see her, she is crack up.

.:bye:.

First Two Finals

Listening to clair de lune again. It's so beautiful.

Anyway, I had my first two finals today. Spanish and Christian Life Themes.

Spanish essays were:
1. Describe and discuss three famous artists that we have learned about this semester. You may not do the artist that you presented. (for me salvador dali. We did a powerpoint on him. My only spanish powerpoint presentation ever...so far.)
2. And second: Which theme of which chapter di you like the most? Define and explain why you like it.

My answers:
1. I did David Alfaro Siqueiros, Diego RIvera, and Frida Kahlo. The second two were easier than Siqueiros.
2. I did humorism and talked about a lecture where these people were fighting over an inheritance. There were no punctuation marks in the will and each person somehow managed to put the marks so that they would get the inheritance. The guy who had the final say was a profesor and he made it so that it went to some wierdo dog.

I wrote this all in spanish of course. Just thought would share this with future me.
I have British Literature and Statistics tomorrow. Not worried about Lit. as much as I am about Stats. I want to keep my B. I have an 86% right now...
Catie is asleep right now. I need to go study.

Exciting news...I am going to go pick up Twiligt from Veronica in two days. :D I promised myself that I would wait until finals are over.

This weekend I am going on the Desert Challenge with venture. Although I missed the meeting because of finals.
Happy Birthday Mariana. I'm sorry I couldn't go to your surprise corvett's thing.

Got to STUDY!

.:bye:.

p.s. Promise: I will do dialogue from yesterday's day soon.

Last Day of The Semester

Here is today, the last day of the semester, as much as I can remember. Sadly I don't have time to do dialogue.

I don't have time to write everything. I'll put reminders about it and write it later.

~Co-curricular Computer lab/Mr. C
~English, what we talked about. Hint: Brave new world and the themes.

8:12
Just one more thing before tomorrow. I saw this quote by John Donne in our Brit. Lit. book when I was studying with missa. I really liked it. He's not too good-looking but he is pretty clever.

"I am two fools, I know,
For loving, and for saying so."
~John Donne

.:bye:.

The Night of Twilight

Well last night or really this morning, Catie and I were up until around 4:00 talking about twilight. Ill explain later.... I hope I can stay awake through today.

Today/Catie Brings out the Hulk

Today, I need to avoid going to the venture meeting because I need to study. My mom is making us clean up first.
Whenever we have to do a chore, my sister and I call ourselves Thing 1 and Thing 2. Just as a joke though because it really is fair that we do at least some work around the house. brb later.

2:11
I really do hate finals.... So much to do....ugh.

12:01
Graphic arts final tomorrow (Technically today since its past midnight). Wish me luck. My sister dyed her hair green. Shhh... She shouldn't have but I warned her. Her hands turned green along with her hair so now its even funner to say "BRING OUT THE HULK". My mom hasn't found out yet. She'll probably bust a cap. hahahahhahahaa Her hair looks gross too. It didn't come out great. lol

.:bye:.

An Okay Saturday

Well its saturday and I feel a whole lot better and I think healed.

I am going to the museum in a few minutes with my sister for a project I hae to do. Then I must go to the library and study my butt off. The next 6 days will be painful. Catie's ready. bye :D

4:25
The museum was okay. I have to write the report now of course. I need to keep going of the school work thing...until next thursday and then I am free. I if don't pass these finals..bye brb

7:30
Anyways, if I don't pass these finals, the school will ask me to leave. I'm sure I'll be fine, but the possibility remains. What school would I go to ? I don't know.

10:59
I didn't study as much as I wanted too but I'm making progress. Marissa and I aren't done with the Brit. Lit. Study guide yet...
We shalt attempt to finish iteth tomorrow!

.:bye:.

Still Okay 2

I still feel pretty normal. Like I have stated many time, the feeling is still there but not as bad as it has been for the past week. I am on my way to missa's house to study english with her. tata

Still Okay

This has been the record for being okay. I test myself every now and then by listening to 'claire de lune'. When I listen to it, the aching becomes stronger. It makes me remember how the aching felt.....but its not strong enough to make me depressed or make me cry. This is a good thing. I hope I stay okay. My mom, dominic, and catie are coming home tonight.

I have an audio final exam in spanish today. Wish me luck.

Don't take this as happy because the ache has not fully healed, well at least not to the point where I don't notice as much. Before last week, I felt it only ocasonally when some random thing reminded me of it. That was my normal dose of ache. I am not completly back to that stage......yet. But I feel a whole lot better. I would say that I feel relived in a way that the ache is not able to consume me right now. I hope its not waiting for the right moment or something. I am going to go brush my hair and go to school now.