Until the Weather Changes

I trust the God and time will heal me and Brandon. I can't go back this time. I can't do that to him or to me. I didn't think I would feel the pain I do right now but I refuse to let it control me like it did last time. I refuse to let it crush me from the inside out. Do I love him? Of course I do. But we both need this and I need to be strong this time. I hope he understands.

I do honestly see a future with him. I see a beautiful family and a happy life. But its blurry. And I won't settle for blurry. I want it to be solid and this is the only way to find out if he is the one and to make my blurry vision of our future solid. Not a second goes by where I don't think of him. I would do anything for him. Thats why I have to do this. I have to.

Until I heal, I try to distract myself. Its like putting ice in the sun. The ice will eventually melt. It won't stay solid for long. But I will keep trying until the weather changes.