I'm so sorry that it has to be like this. I miss you. I wish I could be with you. I am such an idiot and I've made so many mistakes and put you through so much pain. I deserve what I'm feeling. I deserve to cry myself to sleep over what i've done.
Don't ever believe that I didn't love you. Don't ever believe that I did this for just me. I hate that you worried about Eric at all because I didn't have feelings for him. Yes I was attracted to him and I still am but its nothing compared to what I feel for you. I don't think it ever will be.
My head hurts and my chest aches and if I let it completely take over I start shaking. Most times I don't even know why I thought this was worth what I did. But I can't go back this time...I've already done too much damage.
I promise that I won't do anything stupid but I wish I never existed sometimes. I could leave people with a lot less pain and trouble.
I hope this gets better because this pain is unbearable. If I can get through this then I know I can get through anything. If I can live through this then I know I'll be stronger than I was before.
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