I've been trying to sleep for the last two hours and I feel horrible. I know I have to but sometimes I don't think I can do this. Who will ever love me like that again? How did I even get so lucky. No one has made me happier than he has. Why did I do this to us...Why do I feel like I want to solidify my feelings.

I lie there in all of this pain and anguish and wonder what I was thinking. I hate that I did what I did. Its too late. I can't change my mind. I'm such an idiot.

writing helps. I think I can sleep now. My eyes hurt