I'm writing this in tears and heartache and pain but it makes me SO ANGRY.

How DARE you! How dare you assume these things about me. You don't know how much I love him and how much of myself I gave to him. I did this for both of us, not just me. I loved him with everything that I had.

I WANTED things to work out. I still do but I need to make sure its what I want because if I'm not sure, we will both suffer in the long run.

Amanda. Do NOT compare our relationship to yours. I am not you and Brandon is not steve and Brandon and I had a relationship that you and Steve will never come even close to. Brandon never physically hurt me and never went behind my back to do anything hurtful to me. I did NOT just break up with him because of the distance. Don't act like you understand why I broke up with him because you don't and you never will or you would be helping Brandon through this instead of telling him that It was my fault for everything.

I want more than anything for him to be happy. But he needs to do it the right way and I was only a temporary solution. We can't be together if doesn't see what he is for himself. His insecurity was hurting both of us and the distance made it harder.

HOW DARE you think that I am using him as a rebound. That is the last reason I broke up with him. I would never do that to ANYONE...

I want that future with him and by giving him up I am giving him that chance to see if I am really the one. He has every right to see who he wants and to see if he can find someone to make him happier than I can. He may not be able to find that soon but I want him to have that chance because I need that chance too. If I don't get him back because he found someone else then good. Because he deserves to be happy. In NO way am I keeping him in my life as a safety net.

I am keeping him in my life because I want to help him get through this. I really really want him to be happy. I know he can't do it on his own and if he hurts anywhere as near as much as I do or did by leaving him, then he needs someone.

You have no idea how much I miss his touch or his kiss. You have no idea how much I wish I could fall asleep in his arms one last time. But I had to do this. And don't you DARE assume that you know what I went through or what I am going through. I gave him everything I had and I've never loved anyone more than I loved him.

So stop.