One Hour

I've been a LOT better. With everything I think.

I think hanging out with eddie and pretending like nothing happened is actually working. I'm careful abotu what I think about and that helps too.

And then I came to the realization that I got over him once while he was with Roseanita. Whats to stop me from doing it again?

Hope :) Not the hope that I'll be with him at some point. But the hope that I KNOW exists. The hope that I will be completely okay again and that Eddie will mean nothing more to me than a loving friend. Its like when harry knew he could do the patronus because he saw himself doing it in the past.

He talks abotu breaking up with Julie but I know better than anyone that talking about breaking up is like tissue paper compared to the steel of actually doing it. I've done that.

So I dunno if he will break up with her or not but I am making progress and moving on. In a few months I'll be good as new!

As for Brandon. I still miss him from time to time. I want to be with him sometimes. Because i knew for a fact that he loved me and he would stare at me lovingly and it was the best thing in the universe.... I am patching up what I had with him. But I know I won't get back together with him. This is a good realization because we had a love fight relationship. We both needed to get out of that no matter how much we love each other.

He will move on too. My distractions and other trivial dramas help a lot. And I have a really good time with everyone else that I care about so I know I'll be okay.

I've been so emotional and such a girl. blech.

I can't wait until I find some kind of emotional steadiness again. I crave it.

I just need to stay up for another 40 ish minutes. Because I just watched Rec 2 with Cat, raf, eddie and kenan and it was super intense. And I hear that you dream about what you were thinking about an hour before you go to bed. Soooo I need to clear out the last hour with something non-scary. I'll just browse around online and watch family after this.

:)