Relationship

Its hard to capture in words how happy Brandon made me when we were together. No one has ever made me happier than he has and I don't think it will happen in a long time.

I dream about him from time to time. New things. Old things.

Its painful to wake up. I miss him so much. I was cleaning my room and I found his graduation picture and some post it notes he made for me. I started to cry and I just sat there for maybe ten minutes just staring at them.

Sometimes something inside of me looks for what isn't there anymore. It looks for his arms and his kiss. It looks for every little thing that he did that made me happy.

I may be in much less pain than he is. But it doesn't mean that this pain is easy. I can't even imagine what he is going through if I feel like this.

Sometimes I feel like giving in and give him his one last night with me. I always say no but I want it so badly. Maybe even more than he wants it. I would love to just spend some last moments with him. But I can't. I know that I would not want to leave. I know that I would not stop holding him or kissing him. I know that I would not be able to tear my hands from his...I would not be able to let go again. This is why I cannot give in. Its so hard to resist. I'm always hairline away from letting him have what he wants because I want it too.

This pain
This conflict

I hope that if we meet again in the future that he is a changed person. I hope that he is happy and loving himself and life because if he is not, then there is no future for us. If I feel like my heart never becomes closer to anyone than when he had it, then I know he is the one for me.

We are extremely different people but our love was true and more amazing than anything you could imagine.

If he can be happy and love himself and I find myself looking for him again in the future, I know that we would have a happy life together. We would be one of the happiest couples in the world.

But for now it cannot be. The complications and reasons are endless.